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Long Distance/Age Gap Relationship - Am I cheating?


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Hey all.

 

I’m 28 and my boyfriend is younger than me. He lives pretty far away so it’s technically a cyber relationship at this point. Because of the time difference he usually goes to bed way earlier than I do. So most nights I’m on my own, unable to talk to him until the morning.

 

Over the past week or so I joined an online chat group and met someone who had been streaming games and we got along pretty well, but he reminded me so much of a really close friend I had before I met my current boyfriend.

 

This guy is pretty broken. And it makes me smile to see him be happy and we’ve spent the past few nights talking and it’s just really nice. But he likes me. He’s closer to my age and closer to me as in he’s only a few hours away.

 

I don’t want to mess up my current relationship because I honestly adore and love my boyfriend. It’ll be six months soon. But I feel like I’m doing something wrong by talking to this other guy. By feeling for this other guy. Even having certain conversations with this guy that I know my boyfriend wouldn’t necessarily like.

 

He gets very jealous sometimes. Something as simple as me deciding to play games with someone else at one point make him feel bad.

 

Anyway, I don’t want to end up slipping and losing my boyfriend over some guy who is broken beyond repair just because I enjoy being there for him.

 

 

I don’t know. At the moment my boyfriend knows nothing about him.

 

Last night I talked to this guy and I had alcohol so I was a bit looser with my words, but I do know that we talked about maybe in another time or place we could be together, but I know I’d never ever betray my boyfriend’s trust for something like this.

 

I don’t wanna have my cake and eat it too, but I do want to be around this guy. I like him. I want him to stay around. But I don’t want our friendship to cross any boundaries.

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Is this boyfriend the 18 year old? And you're 27?

 

You have a history of cyber relationships. Do you find online relationships somehow "safer"?

 

Since you seem to only do online relationships I think it's OK to talk to more than one person.

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I don’t want to mess up my current relationship because I honestly adore and love my boyfriend. But I feel like I’m doing something wrong by talking to this other guy. By feeling for this other guy. Even having certain conversations with this guy that I know my boyfriend wouldn’t necessarily like.

 

Anyway, I don’t want to end up slipping and losing my boyfriend over some guy who is broken beyond repair just because I enjoy being there for him.

 

At the moment my boyfriend knows nothing about him.

 

Last night I talked to this guy and I had alcohol so I was a bit looser with my words, but I do know that we talked about maybe in another time or place we could be together, but I know I’d never ever betray my boyfriend’s trust for something like this.

 

but I do want to be around this guy. I like him. I want him to stay around. But I don’t want our friendship to cross any boundaries.

From the outside, looking in, I can't help but get a really strong impression that you are attracted to this other guy, flirting with him, enjoying the attention, and possibly even leading him on.

 

You say you don't want to mess up your current relationship, love and adore your boyfriend. In that case, don't hide what you are doing. TELL him about this guy, the online chat group and streaming games etc. If it's all innocent and above board, no problem. If you are hiding something and don't want him to know .... well, there's your issue. Let your boyfriend decide.

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You've already betrayed his trust. The moment you started engaging with this other man and realized you liked him, was when the betrayal started.

 

You now are actually cheating, albeit emotionally cheating, it's still cheating.

 

Either end things with the boyfriend and enjoy this other mans attentions, or stop talking to this man if you want to stay with your boyfriend. But speaking to them both is just lame.

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TELL him about this guy, the online chat group and streaming games etc. If it's all innocent and above board, no problem. If you are hiding something and don't want him to know .... well, there's your issue. Let your boyfriend decide.

 

Excellent point. If you're too scared to tell him, then you know you're doing wrong.

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You need to examine why you keep engaging in cyber relationships rather than real ones, and why a guy you describe as "pretty broken" seems like a good option to you.

 

The healthiest thing to do would be to unplug and meet non-broken, local men.

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if you are broken you attact broken people, like attracts like, if you are happy with your current boyfriend you would indeed set some boundaries with the other guy.

Why are you into cyber relationships? dont you want to date in real life, get married have kids etc?

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You cannot "have your cake and eat it too" in a situation where there is No cake at all!

 

OP, those are two virtual relationships with 2 people you don't engage physically. You don't go to walks together, don't hug, don't meet their friends etc.

You are not included in each others life. So to me, it seems like you're creating a lot of drama in your head for nothing.

 

What are your goals with the younger guy? Are you working towards living in the same town anytime soon? If not, then it's not a relationship therefore you are dissatisfied. No wonder you need another person to entertain you.

 

I'd say start meeting guys locally.

 

If you really like the younger guy talk to him. Admit that there is no possibility of a relationship as long as it's long distance and just be friends with him. Or non exclusive Until you guys have a concrete plan for a real relationship.

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