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My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me: "I'm not the relationship type"


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So my girlfriend and I were together for roughly 6 months. The first few months were honestly amazing, as they tend to be. Hardly any arguments, we did a lot of really nice things together and saw each other twice a week (she lives outside of the town I live in).

 

Then, the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded; our vacation we were really looking forward to was cancelled, we couldn't do as many things as we'd liked, so we ended up oftentimes just staying at my place, watching netflix etc and going on the occasional hike/walk. Around the 4 month mark, we started arguing more. Nothing severe, just about any small issue. She seemed to be a lot more irritated by me and this got progressively worse in the following weeks. She could be pretty mad at me for no particular reason one day, and then literally the next morning would be back to her cute, cuddly and clingy self.

 

Throughout our relationship, we both said we loved each other and were happy to have each other, although most of the time I was the one saying it, since I have no problem being open about my feelings, while she admitted that it isn't easy for her. She's quite a stubborn and non-compromising character, which is not great for a relationship, especially when you get into arguments/discussions. She also has a hard time accepting fault and apologizing. Also not great.

 

Anyway, we recently went on a brief trip she was looking forward to. As soon as I met up with her that day, I knew straight away she was in a bad mood again. Any conversations I initiated pretty much led to a dead end. She gave half-hearted answers and then silence. At this point, I asked her what was wrong, why the bad mood? Is it because of me? She explained how she wasn't always looking forward to seeing me recently. Some days she would be excited, other days she would rather do something else. She said she would like to take a "break" and suggested we stop seeing each other for 1 or 2 weeks. This took me by surprise, because, again, she isn't very open about these things and had never talked to me about it. She insisted that this break would be great for us and said that she wanted to get back to where we were a couple weeks back.

 

In short; the break was ineffective. When we met again later, she told me she felt better during the break and didn't really miss me. I missed the hell out of her. She didn't really check up on me or text me during the break either. So she broke up with me, told me she didn't see how it could work. She says she had the same problem with her ex; losing interest after a couple months, arguing a lot more and basically not appreciating the other person as much anymore. She said she was annoyed how inconsistent her feelings toward me and the relationship were and that she didn't know how to be more commited toward the relationship.

 

I find it a real shame, since on a personal level, we connected really well, shared common interests and were really cute together. The overall vibe was great. But she grew increasingly difficult/stubborn/irritated and we didn't appreciate each other as much anymore. I really think that the cancelled vacation and the relationship becoming more boring/routine (due to covid restrictions) was harmful.

 

So it seems she is not the relationship type, which she said so herself. I totally am, if I find the right person. And we were both convinced that we were the right person for each other. I was quite hurt, that I was trying anything to repair the relationship, while she was only thinking about herself and what was best for her (i.e. not having the "burden" of a relationship)... fair enough I guess.

 

I guess it's best for me to move on. But we had such a great time together and such a great connection, when we were more appreciative together. I wonder if the absence of contact, now that we've broken up, will make her miss me and the times we shared. I became quite pushy during the end of the break, asking her what was wrong, why she won't talk to me etc. because literally nothing was coming from her. I realise that this probably put her off more, but honestly, being honest and open is so important in a relationship and she left me in the dark.

 

Is there any chance she is just confused and not sure about what she wants/needs? Maybe she will miss me in the next weeks/months and want to talk again? Maybe she is more happy now and just wants to stay away from any type of relationship? What do you think?

 

BTW we ended things on good terms eventually, I said I am happy we had the times that we had and will be fine moving on.

 

Context: we are in our early 20s.

 

Thank you if you made it this far. Would appreciate any comments!

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Hi,

 

I’m sorry that happened.

 

Believe what she’s telling you about not ready for a relationship. Her actions and words with pushing you away and starting arguments tells you right there. Usually it takes a year in a relationship to see if that person is the right fit. Count yourself lucky this happened at the sixth month mark to show you her true colors. It’s best to block her and move on to let the healing begin.

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When you're having this many problems only 6 months into the relationship - including a break - it's time to face the truth that it's not going to work out.

 

Her cold and irritable behaviour supports the notion that she doesn't want to continue the relationship. It sucks, but you need to trust that she knows her own heart and mind better than you do. She knows she doesn't have the right feelings to continue. Whether that's because she really doesn't want a relationship or some other external factor, the only choice you really have here is to accept her choice and close the door.

 

Even if she did come back around, I would be very hesitant to give this another shot. It would be incredibly difficult to believe that she wouldn't do this again.

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Thank you. Yeah it sucks, because I know you're right. It's just a damn shame really. I'm just confused how someone can tell another person that they love them and be super clingy and yet, the day before they were irritated as hell and not wanting to talk properly. Guess she's just as confused about her own feelings. What makes it worse is that she wouldn't communicate properly, so how could I know all this was going on insider her head. Some people just can't talk... it's a shame.

 

@MissCanuck

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Oh boy...you have to accept that this girl wasn't as into you as you were into her. I know it can hurt and a crush to the ego, but the sooner you realize it, the better.

 

Let her go, she's not the one and you were forcing something that just wasn't going to happen.

 

To be honest, the second she said "she wasn't really excited to see you anymore, and..that, she didn't miss you"...you should have grabbed your self esteem and gotten the hell out of there.

 

No one needs to be treated like yesterday's waste.

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Not everyone you meet is going to be the one you are supposed to be with. But you can learn from everyone you meet. You learned about yourself and being in a relationship. Learned from your mistakes and learned what works. She wasn't into you and that's okay. You two are on different paths and for whatever reason it didn't work out.

 

There doesn't always have to be a valid or good reason why something didn't work out. Its like a pair of shoes. Could be your size but it just didn't feel right. Nothing wrong with the shoes, just not the right fit for you.

 

One day someone else who will fit you will come along. Youll see

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Thank you. Yeah it sucks, because I know you're right. It's just a damn shame really. I'm just confused how someone can tell another person that they love them and be super clingy and yet, the day before they were irritated as hell and not wanting to talk properly. Guess she's just as confused about her own feelings. What makes it worse is that she wouldn't communicate properly, so how could I know all this was going on insider her head. Some people just can't talk... it's a shame.

 

And people like this make crappy partners. Some people really are that inconsistent, and don't communicate about what's going on with them either because, A) They lack the maturity to do so, or B) They're just not interested in trying to fix it.

 

It stings, but you're to be better off without her. She can't offer you the sort of relationship you would like.

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