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Today I saw my ex for the first time in a few weeks. We had arranged a councilling appointment to help sort through our break up.

 

Since the break up as the dumpee, I have been working hard to make myself and issues around the relationship better. I've been looking into what I did wrong, working actively to be a better person, learn from my mistakes and be open and honest about those mistakes. I see this as an important process in a break up. Admitting your faults, working on them and becoming a better person not just for yourself but for future relationships. If you don't do this then future relationships will be affected by faults from the past and in all honesty, you can't grow unless you make mistakes and acknowledge them.

 

While I have been doing this, I knew I had to face my ex and the councillors to further progress my recovery. Today the sh*t hit the fan. My ex completely blamed me for our break up. I was open and honest about the roll I played in our break up, but not once did she admit that she played a part in it too.

 

After this, my councillor took me away and said i was strong, honest and she could see I was actively working through my emotions. Every relationship has two people and unless cheating is involved, it's never a one sided thing.

 

As I was leaving, I had to give my ex some things, she hugged me, apologised for how things ended and then we exchanged stuff. She hugged me again, kissed me on the cheek and asked if ill message her I didn't respond, so she said we will give it time and left.

 

Moral of all this, don't convince yourself you're to blame, a relationship is two people, so is a break up. Be honest about what you did to contribute to the break up, but don't expect your ex to do the same. Do what you have to do for yourself, not what you think your ex wants you to do. They broke up with you, they ended things, they are no longer your responsibility. Yes, it's okay to still love them, to have feelings for them. But if you do, you can't be friends. It's only going to prolong your pain.

 

And finally, you never, ever, really know someone. As amazing as they may seem, people change and will often take the easiest road to recovery, instead of facing their fears and doing the right thing.

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Good for you Ace. You are spot on. You've been going through it and as much as it hurt, you are the better for this. Your next relationship and love will benefit from this growth, as will you.

 

I'm actually happy for you and cheering you on! I know people here will benefit from this post and your insights. You have a lot to offer and I hope you continue to post.

 

[emoji173]

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Thank you Lambert.

 

I won't be going anywhere soon. I want to share my story and my progress so that others in my situation or similar can have someone they can relate to and talk with if they want to. I've found so many helpful posts on this forum. So much heart ache and so much hope. So many people go through this and never realise they can count on others on here for help. Even if it's just someone to listen, it helps more than anything.

 

I'm only at the start of my journey, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'll keep pushing towards that light until I feel the sun again.

 

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