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How do you know if your happy in your relationship


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I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and that’s normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who I’ve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasn’t worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldn’t get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasn’t worth £30 , obviously she wasn’t happy . Now my girlfriend isn’t happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her

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So many times, I've read the title of a post and immediately thought, well, if you have to ask, then you already know.

 

People in happy relationships know they are happy. when you start to question it, then you also know.

 

What are your ages?

 

Couple of things stick out to me about your post:

 

1. jealousy, especially without reason is a giant red flag. this is a character flaw that you cannot fix in another person.

 

2. if you are not married or living together with shared expenses, it's no one's business how much you spend on a gift for your mother

 

3. you do not owe anyone access to your phone, messages, what you do 24/7. This completely dysfunctional and not love.

 

Shame on you for being so overly influenced by your gf, you would cheap out on your mom. Where is your voice, your backbone?

 

I think you really need to think about why you're with this girlfriend.... And don't you deserve better?

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How do you know if you're happy with the food you eat? With the job you work? With the friends you spend time with? With the shows you watch on television? All in all, it's kind of the same in a relationship: you know you're happy because you know you're happy. You like the flavor, how you feel digesting it.

 

In terms of the specifics, you certainly don't sound very happy from where I'm sitting, and understandably. You can't use your phone in peace, or be kind to your mother in peace. Most concerning, however, is that you seem to indulge the very behavior and dynamic that is making happiness impossible. What, do you think, is up with that? Your girlfriend certainly doesn't sound happy either, as happy people don't monitor phones and chastise partners for buying their parents dinner.

 

So I'm really not sure what either of you are getting out of this, just going with what you've offered. Are you accustomed to thinking that the non-mandatory things we do in life are supposed to be primarily painful rather than joyful?

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All of the above posters summed up my thoughts. I'd kick that jealous, controlling gf to the curb immediately. If you have to ask if you are happy, then you are not happy. You deserve better. Now, take your mom out for a nice lunch to make up for the stinginess of the gift card.

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Having arguments is not normal. The occasion tiff over who didn't put gas in the truck or someone leaving the back door unlocked is normal. A paranoid partner scrutinizing over what you are doing and whom you are texting is a lack of trust. If you don't have trust in a relationship you have a future of many issues. I'm taking a good guess here the arguments are her upset at you for not answering her texts right away, or where have you been, who you are texting, why are you liking that girls picture on social media, etc. Her disrespect for your mother...how rude and inconsiderate your GF is for saying such things. When the common denominator for all your relationship's issues is her...what do you think?

 

I would get out now. This girl is driving you into unhappiness already. Not sure why you need us to point out what you already know.

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I would ask you this?

 

Do you know what makes you happy?

 

Do you know what goals you want to achieve?

 

Do you know in general terms what kind of life you want in a relationship/marriage?

 

If you cannot answer these and other questions then you can NEVER answer the one you posed to us.

 

Lost

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Slow down.

 

The biggest argument lately seems to be about money. Do you live together?

 

Figure out your finances and whether there are other frivolous expenses that are putting a strain on the household.

 

Why is she asking you about whom you've been speaking with? Do you communicate well?

 

Have you met each others' friends?

 

You've painted a negative light on your gf but I feel it's very one-sided.

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Well, you know the answer. You're unhappy and just coasting along. Don't string anyone along, have the courage to end things.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,I’m just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I’ve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but I’m I going to be happy if I can’t stand up to her
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You lack boundaries and as long as you behave like a push over, it is highly likely that you will keep ending up in the same scenario over and over again. Your gf sounds like a stingy and mean individual. Telling you that the woman who gave birth to you isn't worth 30 pounds sounds plain evil. I would actually break up with anyone who dared to utter such crap.

 

Having said that, I have to wonder how she came to feel that it is ok to behave like that. And of course, I have to wonder about your lack of backbone. You actually chose to follow your girlfriend's crappy advice and then you blamed her for it as if you were a minor. That sounds super immature.

 

You are part of this dysfunctional dynamic that you described and it sounds like you invite it by being passive and subservient. You present yourself as the victim, yet it's you who don't have backbone to set boundaries between your mom and your girlfriend. It's YOU who chose to act on the crappy advice. I am going to guess that your mom has a similar "bossing around" quality as your girlfriend. Imo, you need to identify your role in this situation and change your behavior or you risk repeating the same pattern over and over again with your future relationships.

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I remember when my husband was my fiance and we didn't argue, snoop, dictate how much money to spend on parents, weren't jealous, didn't manipulate, etc. We had a harmonious, extremely respectful, blissful relationship which is what happiness is.

 

Don't get married otherwise you're setting yourself up for disaster. :upset:

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So many times, I've read the title of a post and immediately thought, well, if you have to ask, then you already know.

Reminds me of a funny/gross meme I once saw: "Love and happiness are like farts: if you have to force them, they're probably poop." (Of course it had the s-word at the end instead, lol.)

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I remember when my husband was my fiance and we didn't argue, snoop, dictate how much money to spend on parents, weren't jealous, didn't manipulate, etc. We had a harmonious, extremely respectful, blissful relationship which is what happiness is.

 

Don't get married otherwise you're setting yourself up for disaster. :upset:

 

Uh oh. What went wrong after you married?

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You have become a complete doormat to this controlling b$tch!

 

What were you thinking when you returned the gift. Your poor mother!

 

Get a backbone and end it. You also need to understand why you have allowed, reporting your whereabouts and allowing someone to go through your phone etc, c So many nice girls and you choose her.

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She has no right to know what you spent on your mother. She also has no right to tell you that your mother is not worth a certain amount of money.

 

This one is a real nasty piece of work.

 

If you're smart at all, you will dump her and never look back.

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Now, take your mom out for a nice lunch to make up for the stinginess of the gift card

 

Absolutely!

 

Take your mom out to a really nice meal, tell her you are sorry for allowing this other woman to make things bad. DO NOT tell or invite this other woman as she has no right to know and no right to ruin something else in your life.

 

Your mother gave you life, loved and supported you far more than anyone else has in this life. Treat her with the respect and love she deserves.

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Uh oh. What went wrong after you married?

 

Nothing went wrong after I married. I said when we were dating or when my husband was my fiance, we didn't fight, snoop, insert our opinions regarding how much money to spend on a parent's gift, we weren't jealous types nor did we manipulate the relationship in any way. We've always been respectful toward each other because this is what love is. Sorry for the confusion. I should've written "have," not "had."

 

To my husband's credit, I truly feel he is the man he is because of his amazing father. His father treats his mother with utmost respect and love. I on the other hand, hailed from a broken home. My late father was an alcoholic wife beater. My husband taught me and our sons what a respectful, loving, morally supportive, peaceful, calm, harmonious, stable marriage, family and home life is.

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