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AITA for breaking up with my fiancé this way?


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Heartache can be a difficult thing to go through. It will take time to get through. So be gentle with yourself.

 

For what it's worth, it is not all your fault, you both made mistakes and the biggest problem was that you found out that on some very important issues, you did not see eye to eye.

You would have both been unhappy.

 

You have a right to have a partner who is supportive of your family and is happy to be apart of not only your life, but your parents as well. Don't feel bad for wanting that.

If he felt he wasn't ready for marriage and wanted to be single again, that's his choice too.

 

Both of you will survive this. It takes time to get past hurt and a break up, but you will. Try to spend time with family and friends right now so you don't get too sad about everything.

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also, in january when he broke up with me. he told his mother about the argument and break up after we decided to continue, his mother called my mother saying "this time its all Sensitevegirl's fault" (my fault), but my son decided to give her a change". and my mother said i dont know what happened, my daugter didnt tell me anything but i believe in a relationship its always two people contributing toward a problem (something along those lines).

 

snce than his mother was not the same towards me.

 

and my parents and friends think his mother plays a big part in this break up. they think she put the idea of break up in his mind or efffected him.

 

It sounds like you and your family are more level headed and acknowledge it takes two in a relationship, while he and his mom only want to lay the blame on you. I know it is extremely hard to let go at the moment but you probably dodged a bullet.

 

I would refrain from thinking that it was all his mother's doing. If an adult man let other people affect his relationship decisions it's usually because he wants to be affected that way.

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The ring! I can't believe he's asking you for the ring back? Is this correct? Who mentioned it? It should be a gift, love. This is of course very personal and between the both of you. It's not about the value of the ring and more of the gift aspect of it that bothers me if he's asking for it back. How heartbreaking for you.

 

I'm glad you had time to reflect a little... we all have to.

 

If you still want to talk or go over things with him, see if he's open to that kind of conversation first and make some time. Otherwise, you'll be ambushing him with emotions that he may not want to go over because he's completely gone and checked out. Not everyone does well having conversations after/during a break up. Be prepared that he may also ask for some time for the dust to settle and you may have to put your thoughts and emotions on hold until after he returns back from London and is settled in his new place.

 

It appears like it's over so I wouldn't go into any talks thinking that you can change his mind. It would be for you to share your thoughts only and sometimes that's cathartic and other times... it's just tearing the wound open again when what you should be doing is focusing more on yourself and your healing forwards, saying goodbye.

 

Keep us updated.

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He doesn't want to get married. Take care of the logistics. Do Not write him a letter listing all his mistakes. It's over, sadly.

i told him i dont wanna speak more and i just dont know if i want to continue this relationship. he just said ok and agreed.

 

PS: he has been trying to break up with me in every instance in every small thing since january, since 6 days after our engagment.

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so when we meet up for the keys and the ring, what do you think i should tell him? should i give him the ring just like that?

 

my friend suggested i write him a letter, talking about how things made me feel in our relationship, and how it would not work this way.

 

what do you think?

 

I would give him the ring and wish him good luck. Nothing else.

 

No letter, either. What purpose would it serve? When something is over, it's over....and it seems that it's been over for him for a while.

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I don't know what the law is in your country. In America, the ring is a symbol of a future commitment (marriage). if the marriage does not happen, the ring goes back to the giver.

 

I'm sorry your feeling so conflicted. that's what happens... you flip flop around in your thoughts and emotions. mad, sad, he's right, you're sorry, you're right, not sorry, panicky to work it out, etc. Its all day, all night, until you get a grip on it. it still is a roller coaster and hard... but it ebbs and flows more.

 

Hang in there. try not to focus on the future. one day at a time.

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The ring can be a sensitive topic. Some believe that once given, it should be as a gift and yours , even if you do break up. While others believe that if the engagement is broken, then the ring is returned.

 

Neither are wrong, and to be honest, at this point, it probably is in your best interest to return it just because you don't want reminders hanging around of the engagement not working out.

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