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Should I break up


Abc176

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now let's call him A. I was madly in love with him but always felt he was infatuated by this girl who had rejected him but always kept him on the hook, let's call her N.

He kept denying but never missed an opportunity to get any crumb of attention he got from her. This deeply disturbed me but I always convinced myslef that I was over reacting. I believed this for 4 years.

One day he said that he dint find me to be good enough for him and wanted to break up. I begged him to stay but he left. Then he confessed that he had been deeply affected by her at an emotional level and she had invited him over to her apartment the previous night and he dint want to be with me because he hadn't resolved his feelings for her. He dumped me the moment he thought he had a chance with her. After 2 days she rejected him again, and he patched up with me. The humiliation went on, im 5 feet 3 inches tall, which always a problem, my job was a problem, I want pretty enough, , not ambitious enough etc and he one day he broke up. I asked him if he wanted to patch things up and if he would be okay with seeing me with someone else just to confirm that he really did not want to be with me.

I was destroyed. The guy who had been my world for 4 years and the only guy I had ever dated had dumped me by saying I wasnt good enough. So I started seeing someone else casually (for around 1 month during the lockdown, no dates only chatting on WhatsApp). A found out, begged me to come back and we patched things up. It has been hardly 10 days and hes showing the similar traits for someone else now lets call her R. He idealizes her, wants me to dress like her, mentions her in almost every conversation that we have. Doesn't follow me or any of his friends on social media (hes like a local celebrity) but he follows her. I'm not aware of the level of interaction they have but I'm assuming it's a lot because of the level of admiration he has for her. At everypoint of time in our relationship there has always been a third girl. I dont like being the boring girlfriend, and the fact that he admires all those girls more than me.

I have a problem with it. I really want to make it work but I cant. I feel like such failure, i couldnt keep him interested in me and he feels the need to stay away.

I want this to stop right now and I want to be the one he admires the most.

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This was a sad read. You can't make it work with a guy who's always had his eye on another woman, OP. That hasn't changed.

 

You have to work on your self-esteem and stop using this guy as a measuring stick of your self-worth. He isn't the one who decides you're worth dating - you are. You've bee doing the Pick Me! dance for 4 years and you can see that all it has done is destroy you emotionally. It's never going to work because he isn't with you for the right reasons. So yes, you need to end this. He will sooner or later, when he meets a woman he does want to be with. The only way it reflects on you is that you have stayed with someone who's been showing you all along that he's not that into you.

 

What is so great about this guy that you want him to like you so badly?

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Stop it. Stop forcing a love story where there is only hearthaches and humiliations for you.

 

Your intuition and common sense where right from the beginning : this guy was enfatuated by another woman and doesn't love you. He wants you for companionship and affection only when he can't get the girls he wants.

Now that you are aware of it you have 2 choices : to stay with him and be humiliated daily by his critics and the fact that you are not loved OR to leave this nightmare of a guy and give yourself the opportunity to make your dream come true which is to be with someone who is crazy about you and treat you with respect.

 

Also, you really have to work on your self esteem because that's the reason you stay with someone who doesn't value you. You don't think high of your self and you don't believe that there is someone out there who will think you're the best.

 

When someone treats you like sh#t you don't beg, you show them the door. He will never change. Let him beg other women to love him and work on your self.

 

Start loving youself.

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I have a problem with it.

 

Actually, the problem is that your self-esteem is in the gutter. You don't love yourself and so subconsciously you choose scum because that's all you think you deserve.

 

You likely don't have much of a life besides having a boyfriend. With time and distance away from him, working on your self esteem, and getting a fulfilling life solo spent on hobbies/interests/time with friends, you will shake your head at why you stayed this long and wanted a lowlife like him as your one and only. When your self worth is what it should be, you will only accept a man who will treat you like the treasure you are.

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I want this to stop right now and I want to be the one he admires the most.

 

You can't.

 

This is changing the fabric of a person. This is the way this person is. He is also manipulative and deceptive towards you and himself. Whatever his background of celebrity status, asking you to dress like another woman or causing you to replicate another person is emotionally abusive. He is changing and controlling your personal identity or the things that make up a person's identity.

 

Do you have strong role models who have taught you to stick up for yourself or have you had time to develop your own sense of identity? What you wear, what you speak, what you choose for yourself in this life?

 

I ask this because you mentioned "boring" and you don't like being the boring girlfriend. Boring is relative. He sounds boring. Can anyone imagine someone else more unimaginative and dull-minded/obtuse than taking one woman and cutting another out to be the same?

 

Do you mind me asking how you both met? You have very low self-worth. The longer you are in this situation the worse it will get.

 

Turn to your family and friends for support in your times of loneliness once you walk away. This is an emotionally abusive situation.

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Sorry to hear this. He sounds emotionally stunted..He is verbally and mentally abusive. .

 

Read up on the damage abusive jerks do: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/riskprotectivefactors.html

 

 

End things. Once you are out of this triangle, you will feel better and happy. Delete and block him and all his people from all your devices, messaging apps and social media.

One day he said that he dint find me to be good enough for him and wanted to break up.

 

The humiliation went on, im 5 feet 3 inches tall, which always a problem, my job was a problem, I want pretty enough, , not ambitious enough etc and he one day he broke up..

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This was a tough read. Why do you think so little of yourself?

 

This guy does not like or respect you. The first nibble that he gets from this girl, he dumps you. Then, he devalues you by telling you, you are not good enough for him. You then beg this POS back! Good grief girl! You need to be done with this guy, and seek immediate therapy to gain some self worth.

 

Your "relationship" is abusive and toxic!

 

Would you advise yout best friend or sibling to stay in a relationship like this?

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You wrote that you want this to stop right now. That's very easy. Stop all contact with him. Block and delete him.

 

You wrote that you want to be the one he admires the most. That's never going to happen. Why would he ever admire someone who allows him to treat her like crap?

 

This guy is a tool who is capable of treating women like crap. Seeking his admiration doesn't make any sense. His admiration has zero value because he is not a good enough human being.

 

You really need to step back and look in the mirror. This guy is clearly a major d!(k. His admiration has zero value. Why are you seeking so desperately the admiration someone who is clearly not a decent human being?

 

You have already wasted four years of your life on this clown. That's almost half a decade. What more proof do you need that he is a clown? At this point you are making an informed choice to keep wasting your life on a clown. Stop already.

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Wow!!! Question, why would you be with someone who treats you like dirt and comes on to other women for four years? He doesn't love you, he doesn't even actually like you. He has told you so himself! He is an absolute jerk, horrible human being. Yes you should break up with him! Then block him on everything and never speak to him ever again!!

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