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Am I been too controlling?


LopezYP

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My boyfriend and I , have been together for almost 2 years . Here’s the issue well first of I’m not sure if I’m over reacting and been too controlling . Last Friday he told me to go over to his house and we were supposed to hang out . He had just got done working on his friends truck and we were supposed to drop off his friend somewhere . Well long story short , more of his friends started coming to my boyfriend’s place and he started drinking with them . He expected me to wait all night for him in his room while he was outside the house drinking and smoking with them . He works out of town a lot and he doesn’t get to see his friends nor me that much. So I understand he wants to hangout with them too . I just don’t like how he has done this many times. He will always put his friends/family needs first and then put me last . I have pointed out to him how it bothers me that he doesn’t prioritize our relationship and spending quality time with me . He promises me everytime crying saying he’s gonna change but always goes back to the same old him . I do love him but I just don’t know what to do .

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So you had to wait in his room? You couldn’t join him and his friends? That’s not only rude but downright disrespectful! If I were you I wouldn’t put up with that anymore! I say he’s never going to change and don’t think you can change him. I say dump the guy and find someone who will be respectful.

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Sorry to hear that. Next time get up and leave. Never hang around like that. Go home, out with friends, etc. He takes you for granted because you tolerate it. Stop trying to change him. Instead, change your approach. Realize that you are over investing and he does the absolute minimum. Expect better for yourself. Consider ending it. People treat their pets better than this.

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Did you choose to wait in his room?

You could have joined him and his friends which I’m sure after two years you must know them pretty well by now?

Or you could have gone home?

Or gone to meet your friends?

 

I think you are playing the martyr a bit here?

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He will always put his friends/family needs first and then put me last . I have pointed out to him how it bothers me that he doesn’t prioritize our relationship and spending quality time with me . He promises me everytime crying saying he’s gonna change but always goes back to the same old him . I do love him but I just don’t know what to do.

 

You communicated what would make you happy. He hasn't changed in 2 years. He doesn't care. The point of dating is to see who is right for you and if they are wrong for you, you cut them loose so you can be free to continue your search. Love is never enough on its own. Whether it be with friendship or romance, if a person doesn't put in equal effort, you stop pouring your emotional energy into them and move your attention to someone else more deserving.

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What do you mean by " he expects you to wait in his room"???

Does it mean he doesn't want you to sit with him and his friends? He wants to be alone with them and you are not welcome in the group?

Or you chose to wait for "your turn" in the room because you wanted alone time with him?

Please give us more precision so we can provide helpful answers.

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Plan dates rather than vague hangouts. If he's not available because he is spending time with friends, do something else. "he told you"? You need to make up your own mind about things not act like this is obedience school and he says, "Come", 'Sit", "Stay', etc. Get up and leave if he dissolves plans. Then go home and text him that it's over.

Last Friday he told me to go over to his house

 

He expected me to wait all night for him in his room while he was outside the house drinking and smoking with them .

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You are so right . That’s what I did , I grab all my stuff that I had at his place. And I block him and since then he hasn’t made any effort to look for me . So I guess that should tell me how much he cares . Thank you !

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I was originally sitting outside with him and his other friend but then he told me to go inside his room and use his laptop to watch Netflix . So that’s when I decided to just leave . I haven’t talked to him since then .

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I was originally sitting outside with him and his other friend but then he told me to go inside his room and use his laptop to watch Netflix . So that’s when I decided to just leave . I haven’t talked to him since then .

 

Good decision. He's not a decent boyfriend.

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You are so right . That’s what I did , I grab all my stuff that I had at his place. And I block him and since then he hasn’t made any effort to look for me . So I guess that should tell me how much he cares . Thank you !
This dynamic typically doesn't fall out of thin air. It's good to read the room and acknowledge a crappy relationship sooner than later. Someone doesn't fit the bill or otherwise simply seems divested, then vote with your feet rather than argue or nag. Much better opportunities to be had and without the hassle. Good time to reflect on why you settled with it until now so that you're in a good position to benefit from your future endeavors. Best of luck!
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I was originally sitting outside with him and his other friend but then he told me to go inside his room and use his laptop to watch Netflix . So that’s when I decided to just leave . I haven’t talked to him since then .

 

Let that be the last time, too.

 

This is not a good relationship worth saving and he doesn't appear to care anymore. You can do much better.

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No, you are not controlling of him if that's what you mean. You should be in control of your own person so never shy away from that responsibility. Hopefully he doesn't contact you again but seeing as you were together for two years, it's unlikely.

 

It seems like the relationship is broken down badly as is the communication and respect between the both of you. He may be using you as a part time gf or a casual hook up whenever he's back in town and not faithful to the relationship at all.

 

Move on. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and with whom you can see eye to eye. Don't see him anymore when he's back in town or make sure you're not going over to his place ever again. You may have mutual circles of friends or friendships that overlap. Keep things neutral and respectful and don't waste any more time or energy on individuals who don't respect you or show you that they enjoy your company.

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Good for you. You can find much better guys for yourself .

You are so right . That’s what I did , I grab all my stuff that I had at his place. And I block him and since then he hasn’t made any effort to look for me . So I guess that should tell me how much he cares . Thank you !

 

I was originally sitting outside with him and his other friend but then he told me to go inside his room and use his laptop to watch Netflix . So that’s when I decided to just leave . I haven’t talked to him since then .

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I don't understand the 'wait in his room' thing, at all.

 

I can see how parties tend to form in the homes of sociable people, but those would include one's GF, not exclude her.

 

If someone ever wanted me to hide in his room around his familiar friends, he'd be history.

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