I'm still struggling...

[Lambert]

Definitely understandable and there's no shame in being hurt and let down. Its a private journey, though. She cant help you. You have to ride it out. How every long it takes.

 

Focus on the lesson, not the hurt. What are the lessons you are learning?

 

Holding on to being the victim and what was done, does not help.

[Rose Mosse]

Definitely understandable and there's no shame in being hurt and let down. Its a private journey, though. She cant help you. You have to ride it out. How every long it takes.

 

Focus on the lesson, not the hurt. What are the lessons you are learning?

 

Holding on to being the victim and what was done, does not help.

 

I agree with this.

 

In a few days or weeks or months you'll have to move to the next step which is trying to understand what the lessons were. Very often there are mistakes on the parts of both parties and even though you may feel helpless and like a victim, you'll start to see where you've slipped up, went against your better judgment, engaged in some interactions you shouldn't have or had disagreements that made an already tenuous situation worse. Give yourself a lot of time to work things through. Climb out of the despair and hurt after you've had enough time to cry it all out or get it all out.

 

Time to start thinking soon about where you both went wrong and what you can do to improve or enrich your life better going forwards. Beware: it may mean some big changes and difficult decisions! Don't be afraid. It's all part and parcel of life.

[LaHermes]

Just to add, OP, there is no such thing as a "soulmate".

 

But certain types are extremely good at mirroring, and you fell into that trap. Nothing mystical about her.

 

Just wondering where was this Shangri-La to which she wanted to fly you as a testament of her love (immediately before discarding you!).

[boltnrun]

Can you clarify the details of the relationship? You were a couple for two months? In those two months how much time did you spend together in person?

 

I ask because often people in an online only relationship create stories that have no firm basis in reality.

[Billie28]

I know two wrongs dont make a right but... what about the way she discarded me?

 

Is there any other explanation to it besides that it was her true color showing which was something just as inexcusable as my reaction to it?

 

See my mind keeps flipping between guilt and vindication because i just cant explain the flip. Never in my years of dating did i see something like it..

 

What you call “discarding” is what others simply call ending something that isn’t working.

You clearly can not handle rejection.

That’s not her issue , that is yours and yours alone.

 

You were in a long distance relationship for only 8 weeks. How many times did you meet? You are annoyed that she promised to fly you out to meet her and didn’t follow through. If you can’t afford to meet her then what was the point of the distance?

 

You now want to label her with a mental illness? In order to detract from your inability to accept rejection?

 

She is fine. You however are not.

 

Your reaction and threats are inexcusable.

 

Her dumping you however insensitive it was in your mind , was excusable . She barely knew you. It was an online attention seeking thing that unfortunately for her led to someone threatening her career.

 

I rarely say this and think people say it when it’s not really necessary , but I do recommend you seek therapy.

 

Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

Were you ever physically dating, such as sex or kissing or going on dates? It seems more of a cyber concept than an agreed upon reality. She was dating locally and the understanding was that you were friends. You kept being abusive and she warned you to stop stalking, threatening and harassing her.

[Billie28]

My response is to the facts you have provided.

 

You have armchair diagnosed your ex and now me.

Again that’s deflection.

 

Yes you are looking for advice and yes I gave advice. You don’t have to take my advice.

 

Equally you don’t have to berate me for it.

 

You can simply ignore it .

 

Your automatic response to her and me is to become abusive and threatening.

 

Why is that?

[ChasingHope]

There is a blocking function that doesn't prohibit posters from continuing to comment on your posts, but by enabling it you will no longer see those posts.

[Billie28]

There is a blocking function that doesn't prohibit posters from continuing to comment on your posts, but by enabling it you will no longer see those posts.

.

 

Yes that is an option.

 

For those who only want to read what they want to hear.

But that would defeat the purpose of them posting seeking opinions and advice.

[SarahLancaster]

Jinstron, it appears that you're the one with a volatile personality, blowing up at people who try to point out the obvious to you.

 

It was an eight week correspondence on the computer. My guess is that she got tired of your obsessive need for her and wanted to explore her options. Threatening to destroy her career was so over-the-top that she was forced to cease communication with you. Who wouldn't?

 

My advice is to start seeing people that you can physically be with instead of trying to carry on a relationship over the internet.

[ChasingHope]

Yes that is an option.

 

For those who only want to read what they want to hear.

But that would defeat the purpose of them posting seeking opinions and advice.

 

 

Nope - it would successfully eliminate postings that are judgemental and aggressive.

 

But seriously - why not just move on? The poster stated he doesn't find your advice helpful. Why not try find someone who is open to it?

[boltnrun]

Can you clarify the details of the relationship? You were a couple for two months? In those two months how much time did you spend together in person?

 

I ask because often people in an online only relationship create stories that have no firm basis in reality.

 

Reposting because I am curious to know the answers to my questions.

[SarahLancaster]

Nope - it would successfully eliminate postings that are judgemental and aggressive.

 

But seriously - why not just move on? The poster stated he doesn't find your advice helpful. Why not try find someone who is open to it?

 

Because sometimes people need to hear what they don't want to hear.

[goddess]

"It was as if a switch had turned off in her and in turn i became even more indignified through the shock. Kept texting and begging while she either ignores me or tells me she will block me..."

This was your first mistake: you shouldn't have texted and especially not begged. IMO, she should have been more compassionate regarding the breakup. How she treated you (rolling her eyes, laughing - really???) is downright cruel. That's a big red flag right there.

 

Rejection is very hard to take, especially when you care about someone. It leaves you angry, confused and hurt. I not a psychiatrist but she may, indeed, suffer from some sort of Cluster B personality. Whatever her issues are, you need to get her out of your head. She's not worth your time or energy. It's over; accept that, Jinstron. In fact, I think you dodged a bullet.

 

I think your second mistake was that you placed her on a pedestal. Why? I have no idea. She apparently, plays with people's emotions and apparently doesn't give a hoot. Do you really want to be with a person like this? God only knows what else she may be capable of.

 

You gave her your heart and she threw it away. Sad. But, I hope you learned a very valuable lesson from all this: never threaten anyone. It can have many negative consequences. Remember that!

 

Focus on healing, and once you've healed, get out there (after COVID, of course) and find yourself a girl who will respect and love you. Good luck!

 

- perhaps you might consider some anger management courses. Just saying...

[Jinstron]

I think its judgemental when u take a partial info and form a whole narrative around it on your whim esp when that narrative is negative, which says more about where the narrators mindset is than the one being judged.

 

I explicitedly said i was sorry and shameful of what i did and if some members here cant accept that confession with some generosity on their part, then i doubt this is a place where i can find constructive criticism.

[Billie28]

Several responders have asked you to provide more information , by not responding to them you have left all with no option but to advise / comment based on the limited information you are only willing to share. It’s an anonymous forum.

So please tell us the info we are missing?

 

Of course one can acknowledge your expression of remorse for the way you reacted but what are you going to do to prevent this or similar from happening again? That’s what people have asked of you or advised to do.

Surely that’s not criticism alone but constructive?

 

What exactly are you wanting to gain from posting on here if not that?

[Jinstron]

Billy i put u on ignore but plz keep talking. I like imagining u wasting your time. Not that u can waste something that has no value.

[Billie28]

Billy i put u on ignore but plz keep talking. I like imagining u wasting your time. Not that u can waste something that has no value.

 

Putting me on ignore does not stop others seeing my replies.

And they will see that my replies simply highlight the fact that you are omitting details.

 

What exactly about my responses are triggering your anger and why?

 

Your anger at me is futile. Just as your anger at this girl in question is.

 

I seriously hope you will get help for anger management as others have suggested.

[LaHermes]

OP.

 

Leaving aside that you blew a gasket and raged at her and all the rest, surely it must have occurred to you early on that this individual was not a suitable match in any sense of the word.

 

You remarked in an earlier thread:

 

"The detail is that she has a trauma of men cheating, and strongly against porn. 2 days prior to the fight she finds on my phone old contacts of women ive met in the past, and also 2 porn images (for meme template!) And next day has a mini breakdown, crying on the phone how she cant trust me, ive been with too many women, and that the lockdown is getting to her."

 

Just in passing I want to ask. If she is in another country how was she able to get into your phone?

 

And, that aside, how does she know that you have been with "too many women"? Did you tell her this. Surely that was TMI.

 

All in all, OP, a very dysfunctional "relationship" with a far distant online only presence.

 

As other posters have remarked. Why not find a relationship in real life, closer to home, wherever your home is. U.S.A.?

 

Just to add, did she also give you TMI about all these traumatising men she complained about?

[Rose Mosse]

I think its judgemental when u take a partial info and form a whole narrative around it on your whim esp when that narrative is negative, which says more about where the narrators mindset is than the one being judged.

 

I explicitedly said i was sorry and shameful of what i did and if some members here cant accept that confession with some generosity on their part, then i doubt this is a place where i can find constructive criticism.

 

I think the forum is understanding that this was a two month correspondence online. Is this correct?

 

There is a very low tolerance for overbearing or manipulative behaviours towards others. I think there was some good and constructive insight. Ignore the comments you don't find useful.

 

Do you have any other questions about the situation or issues you want to talk about?

[boltnrun]

Can you clarify the details of the relationship? You were a couple for two months? In those two months how much time did you spend together in person?

 

I ask because often people in an online only relationship create stories that have no firm basis in reality.

 

I am politely asking if you would please respond to these questions. The answers would certainly have impact on how I would advise you.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, OP, it would be helpful if you could clarify the details on this relationship.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread has run its course...Closed.