Jump to content

Recommended Posts

See my ex today at traffic lights she didn’t even look at me yet she see me. Either way had she looked/smiled/ignored me, would have left me to over think everything

 

Just disappointed that after 5 years, holidays good times etc etc she couldn’t even look at me. Was only a few months ago she’s saying she loved me and we are doing cool stuff together. Not sure how you can lie or just flick feelings off like a light switch :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad she didn't acknowledge you. I know that sounds mean but that would have turned out badly. She might have thought she had a chance to treat you poorly for the 6th time.

 

This is who she is. Someday you will meet someone who doesn't play with your emotions the way she did.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry, James1982.

 

No sense trying to make rhyme nor reason as to why people behave the way they do. Don't over think everything anymore.

 

Turning people off is a coping mechanism so they can move on.

 

I myself do the same because it's easier to flick a switch to OFF than allow the past to dictate the present and future. It's a healing and recovery process for many.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you sure she saw and recognized you? Over 20 years ago I had a movie-worthy scene where I chased my ex through several commuter train cars because I assumed he had seen me and snubbed me. He hadn't. As an aside we got married exactly 11 years later -same weekend - but didn't get back together at that time. I'm sorry you felt hurt. Those encounters are so often awkward and complicated!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would she though? The relationship is over. Would it have made sense if she waved with a big grin or smiled? I'd rather an ex keep driving if it was a fresh break up and mind his own business. I'm not opposed to some cordial chit chat but there were reasons it didn't work. It's good to respect that and give each other some space.

 

Give things a while more to settle down and give yourself time to overcome those feelings of pain, rejection, hurt and confusion that it's all over. You may think you're not confused but it seems you're still struggling to make sense of a new reality. All of that is normal.

 

Instead of focusing on what didn't happen in the week, focus on what you did accomplish and what good HAS happened. Keep reconditioning your mind this way and you'll start seeing the glass half full.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand, but why drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of?

 

Think about what you would have preferred. Maybe a fingertip touch like a renaissance painting? A smile and wave?

 

What could her response have been that would have made you feel better about her driving forward and onward?

 

Exes are exes for a reason.

 

Head high, and drive yourself forward into a resilience that you can be proud of.

Link to post
Share on other sites

just keep going man....nothing strikes more than walking past your ex with a nice smile on and they ignore you like you are some nobody lol.

Dont worry its normal life they are now just part of the crowd.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

OP, Please go back and read your initial thread, as this woman always had a foot outside the relationship, and was physically/emotionally cheating..

 

The first time she dumped you for her ex- was cheating on you. The second time she broke up, and could not understand why were upset about former hooks ups asking for sex via text . This was not a good relationship, and I think it will help if you are more honest with yourself.

 

I see she dumped you five times. In the future, if it doesn't work after two goes, it is not working. It is massochistic to put yourself through such a toxic relationship.

Edited by Hollyj
Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't dwell on the past or how people treat you now. It is what it is. It's unhealthy for you to constantly ruminate over another person. They're certainly not devoting the same energy and time into you so why should you concentrate on them so much?

 

Tell yourself that certain people are not worth it. Then you'll feel smug which is actually mentally healthy because you no longer place people on a pedestal in your brain. You're more important which means you deserve to be kind and respectful to YOURSELF first and foremost. Take good care of yourself because you should make yourself a priority.

 

Don't miss people who don't deserve being missed. Become more astute, shrewd and savvy. Then your self esteem and self confidence will soar. It's a process and will take time. In some ways, despite my different stories, I was once you. Change the way you think, think with more clarity and you'll become a strong, tough person.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh...I'm sorry.

 

My ex once stood less than THREE FEET from me at the counter of a mobile phone store -- literally next to me, at the counter, while we were both being helped by different clerks -- and made NO acknowledgement of me whatsoever, even though he had clearly seen and heard me, even though things had ended on reasonably good terms, and I was the one who'd been hurt, not him. Granted, we were both being helped, and were in the middle of transactions, but he still didn't acknowledge me even when he turned to walk out of the store. It wasn't until I called after him, "Goodbye, [insert his name here]!" That he acknowledged me, and only because he probably felt he had to in order to avoid looking like a jerk in front of a store full of people. The clerk who was helping me looked at me and said, "Oh, you know that guy?" My reply: "Uh, yeah, I used to DATE that guy." The clerk was surprised, to say the least.

 

The point of my story: I know it feels awful. I remember how I felt; it was as if, overnight, I'd gone from someone he really cared for to a complete stranger. You've got to understand that it isn't about you, though, and as difficult as it is to do, you have to actively remind yourself not to personalize it. Perhaps it's her way of coping. Maybe she doesn't know what to say or how to act, and she prefers to just do nothing. Ignoring you isn't necessarily the most mature way to handle things, but...some coping mechanisms don't seem to allow for acknowledging others' feelings. Hang in there. Try not to focus too much energy on her -- it's wasted energy at this point.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies!!

 

I guess I never wanted it to end originally and I just can’t figure out how someone can one day be one way and the next like people have said, flick of a switch and you never existed to that person.

 

I really just wish it didn’t waste this energy on her.

 

What I hate is the thought of her happy doing whatever with someone else yet me... I’m alone now, have to start again when I don’t want to, I don’t want to start again but I’m left with no choice, I’m sad she’s happy. Really upsets me that I am the loser out of it

Link to post
Share on other sites

In Feb of 2019 you wrote this.. "Was with my ex for 4 years... every 9 months she would just break it off and then i never heard from her again for a few months... until we maybe would bump into each other and then talk and resume... so unhealthy."

 

You secretly wanted her to say hi to you so this could happen. I think you still haven't fully accepted the break up because you still ask "how could she (insert action here)?" but what you have yet to understand that she might have never had those feelings for you. Since 2016 you have been asking "How could she.......?" and no answer you get will satisfy your thirst to know. You keep that wound open because its the only link to her emotionally you have left. You are afraid that by letting that wound heal, you would be forced to face the unknown. So you justify it by continually asking yourself "why? or How?" and since you don't have your answer, you don't have to move on.

 

You are like a bride that was left at the altar and still have on the wedding dress years later. Its over. She has moved on in life. Am I harsh? Yeah, you need to accept.

 

I don't know if you have sought counseling, but I think it would be good for you. You have not moved on from this woman despite using you as a doormat and as a crutch.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...