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Will he get back in touch?


rubys
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Before lockdown I’d been on a few dates with someone I’d briefly dated a few years ago. We’d bumped in to each other and gone on a few really great dates.

 

Then lockdown started. He’s a frontline healthcare worker so said he wouldn’t be able to date for the foreseeable but that he’d like to stay in touch.

 

So for the whole of lockdown we text every day to start, then few days. It got to the point where there was nothing to say and it felt like a strange routine we’d got in to where it felt rude to not text.

 

So his job contract runs out next month, and last week he said he’d not heard back from the local jobs he’d applied for yet and so was applying further afield just in case.

 

I sent him a nice message back saying that if he was thinking of moving away then I wasn’t sure there was much point in keeping chatting at the mo, that we should wait until he knows what’s happening. He replied saying he totally gets it, that there’s no point if he’s leaving next month, but he’s trying really hard to stay and will let me know as soon as he knows more.

 

I think I did the right thing, because if it is going to work with this guy, I want it to be on a strong foundation, and I didn’t feel like that was the case when he’s been so busy with the pandemic recently. And if I’d hung around texting when he said he could move, I felt like that made me look a bit desperate and would be happy with anything.

 

Should I just leave it with him now to get back in touch? How long do these things usually take?!

 

Could it possibly work the third time round?!

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I don't think keeping in touch is his priority right now. It sounds like he's worried about work and knows he can't promise anything.

 

So yes, leave the ball in his court. But keep your options open, too. I'm not sure I'd hold my breath on this guy, simply because the logistics and his current motivation to communicate are complicated.

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I agree with MissCanuck, it doesn't sound good. It sounds like you're chasing and his priorities are elsewhere right now as is his mind. Leave it up to him whether he gets in touch or not but don't sit around waiting.

 

It honestly sounds awkward and like you two didn't ever really connect.

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He doesn’t sound frontline to me. If he was they wouldn’t let him go contract or no contract.

 

His excuse or reason of not being able to date is the same as anyone’s. Social distancing. Nothing to do with their job but to do with Government restrictions only.

 

You resorted to game playing. Telling him no point in dating IF he moved away. And thereby testing his interest. Which seems low since he didn’t fight.

 

You feel justified by your message and I get that since he didn’t express much interest in you even if he got a job locally.

 

However, he might have showed no interest because you dismissed him purely because he may or may not move.

 

So here you are left wondering ?

Wonder away because the damage is done.

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Well, you told him you two should hold off until he knows what's happening. Why wouldn't he respect your wishes? Not saying you were right or wrong, but if you wanted to be kept in the loop in the meantime, that's kind of a strange way to go about it.

 

To contribute to the echo chamber, I'd leave it. Too many complications too soon. Dating is meant to be enjoyable.

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I can't speak for him, but I wouldn't feel very motivated by someone who threw in the towel at the mere mention of my need to expand my scope of a job search.

 

Widening my radius for potential work wouldn't automatically mean that I'm jumping on a plane across a continent. It could just end up meaning that I'm working on a slightly longer commute or that my trips to date might take more time--but it's all rendered irrelevant if my date says, "Okay, well, buh-bye until you know what this would mean for ME."

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You told him there was no point communicating IF he were to move away.

There was no solid plan to do so in place and your comment probably came across to him that you weren't that invested to begin with. He had no choice but respectfully accept your position and moved on.

Now your bugged he's gone?

You had a few dates with this guy. Life got busy. If you could go back would there have been any reason why you couldn't have just left it alone and continue to be his friend whether he remained local or otherwise?

Instead you slammed the shut instead of letting things unfold naturally.

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Should I just leave it with him now to get back in touch? How long do these things usually take?!

 

Could it possibly work the third time round?!

 

Difficult to say how long it will take or whether the third round could work but I'd definitely leave it with him - the ball's in his court.

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