Does he want me back or a friendship with me after to years?

[lollipop300]

Hello everyone,

 

I post already about this but the situation has changed.

 

So basically I saw my ex of 2 years ago the other day and he waited 30 days to reach out to me again to plan a "secon date/meeting" (was it supposed to be a non-contact period that I wasn't aware of?)

 

Second meeting (Ill call it like that since it is not defined if it's a date or not)

 

We went in a park an drink a little bit. We discuss (not a lot of stuff about the relationship) and out of the blue he says he is happy that he can share moment like this with me. That I am the only ex he can do that with and he is not sure why? He also told me that he was sure I hated him and that he use to fear contacting me because according to him, he did make me suffer in the relationship.(In my head I am like so you want a friendship?)

 

We continue the "date/meeting" we talk a lot and there is moment when I turn my face and I see that he was already staring at me and smiling. When asked why he is looking at me like that he says nothing I am just happy to see you, I missed you and we see each other so rarely. (In my head I am like we broke up, do you want a friendship or more???) They were also moments where we would stare at eachothers withoit talking and smiling and other moment when he couldn't stop saying I am a smart and beautiful woman, blablabla.

 

We then go to my place. NOTHING HAPPENED and It’s perfect like that (just how I wanted it). We stayed together for 6 hours in total and we talked a lot (a tiny bit about the relationship but nothing major.

Thing like I have memory,etc.) Before leaving my place, he told me that I can also text him and that he would like us to exchange news and he also mention twice that he is the who broke the ice twice to set up the "date/meeting" and that I can do it too. He insisted on that. He wants me to plan the next "meeting/date". (In my head I am like maybe he wants more)

 

When he got home he texted me he had a blast. 2 days later he text me out of the blue to be careful if I go to the BLM protest in Canada.

 

So do y’all think he wants to get back with me on me on just want to be friend?

 

I do not want to ask him since I don't want to make it a weird thing.

 

I do want him back but to afraid to tell him and since he is not clearly saying I want you back I am confused. I also have a lot of pride and I think if he wants me back he should be telling me and if not stop leading me on.

 

If you need more details I will be glad to give it to y'all. The previous post has further details.

[Wiseman2]

Did he just break up with someone? On/off is a bad place to be. If he were serious, you would know. He may sense your how eager you are so may just want FWB until he gets back with someone or finds someone else. 2 years is a long time to not have given you a second thought.

[Skeptic76]

Yes, he wants to date you.

[Billie28]

Ask him.

You have nothing to lose by doing so!?

 

You seem to be acting as if this is all out of the blue but in your other thread you said you kept in touch every few months.

In those times did he ever update you on new girlfriends etc?

Do you know if he dated much in the past two years ?

And have you been dating /in a relationship during that time? Did he know?

 

I’m inclined to think he is bored during isolation?

And it’s not a good time to be meeting anyone new.

[boltnrun]

I don't understand how you can consider going back to a relationship with someone you're afraid to talk to about your feelings. Or who you're afraid to have a relationship talk with.

[DancingFool]

The amount of smoke he is blowing up your you know what is quite frankly cringy....also kind of amusing. Please don't fall for the bs.

 

Talk to him and by that I mean tell him to cut the bs and ask straight up what he wants from you.

 

What he is doing now is manipulating you into chasing him. He "worked" so hard to reach...gasp...twice.... Now he is explicitly turning the tables on you - you should call him, you should do stuff for him, you should chase him and prove yourself to him....barf.... Since you are still pining for him, I'm going to assume that he dumped you. It's not you who has to chase or prove anything to him - it's him who has to prove a whole lot to you, including mending broken trust. How do you know he won't turn around and dump you again be it friendship, fwb, or relationship? There is no way you can trust him and he sounds manipulative af......

 

If you want answers, ask the hard questions and more importantly, take a big step back and watch IF actions and words match up.

[Rose Mosse]

He's not interested for the reasons you're thinking. This is a person who's taking advantage of your loneliness and manipulating the fact that he treated you badly to begin with, knowing that you are vulnerable and still wanting something more.

 

Why did the both of you break up?

 

He sounds exhausting and a complete loser. Why would a guy who respects you take you to a park to drink anyway? I wouldn't even do that with a friend, let alone a romantic interest.

 

I think you are looking for signs in the breadcrumbs.

 

Time to dump the breadcrumbs outside for the birds and make some real french toast.

 

This is no good.

 

Stay safe out there with the protests.

[HeartGoesOn]

 

So do y’all think he wants to get back with me on me on just want to be friend?

 

I do not want to ask him since I don't want to make it a weird thing.

 

I do want him back but to afraid to tell him and since he is not clearly saying I want you back I am confused. I also have a lot of pride and I think if he wants me back he should be telling me and if not stop leading me on.

 

 

Since you're uncomfortable/afraid to communicate with him, along with allowing "pride" to stand in the way, this seems to set the stage for being at his mercy, (imo). Also, you don't know what's behind his true intentions, therefore ask yourself if you're up for a roll of the dice.

 

In short it's your call, but I'd trust my intuition.

[reinventmyself]

You broke up with him to begin with. What do you want now?

 

Look, there are exceptions to every rule. Two years is a long time and if it's no skin off your behind and you can live in the moment and you can enjoy spending time with him.

 

What does he want? Who knows? I doesn't appear he knows what he wants. But try to not to forecast into the future and live in the moment.

 

I don't know his character. He could be manipulative or coming from a place of good intentions. It's up to you what can handle and be able to suss this out.

 

I wouldn't ask what his intentions are at this point. If it's not costing you anything can you just enjoy the moment for what it is and let things organically unfold?

[Wiseman2]

He still has commitment issues. It's been 2 yrs of tiptoeing around and he has not stepped up. Sadly you are hanging onto nostalgia and false hope that he will suddenly become someone you want rather than who he is.

 

You have wasted twice as much time in this limbo than you spent actually dating. In this time you could have met, dated and been in committed relationships with men who are not just hanging around in the go-nowhere zone. Stop contacting him. Get on with your life and start taking control of your happiness.

I broke up with him because he had a commitment issue.

[lollipop300]

The only reason I agree to go on a park near the river to drink is that everything is closed due to the lockdown here in canada. Also we walked a lot it wasnot like litterally a park only drinking and everything(my english is not the best I am french)

 

I broke up with him for commitment issue.

[DancingFool]

The only reason I agree to go on a park near the river to drink is that everything is closed due to the lockdown here in canada. Also we walked a lot it wasnot like litterally a park only drinking and everything(my english is not the best I am french)

 

I broke up with him for commitment issue.

 

So what has changed besides nothing? He is still the same guy and he is still turning the tables on you, playing you and your inability to let go and move on. He didn't go get a new brain and a new personality OP. Stop wasting your life on this. Block, delete, move on already.

[lollipop300]

I finally ask him why after two years he all of a sudden wants a friendship with me (see me and exchanges news in a regular basis) his response is confusing. (we can say ty)

 

Here is his response:

 

I am at the point of my life where I have no place in my heart for hate and I always respected and appreciated you no matter what happened between us. Normally its war between me and my exes. You are the only one I have this with. I still don't understand why also 🤷🏽♀️. And you why did you decided to talk to me? You could have chosen to never replied too?

 

It's an horrible answer he didn't reply at all and return the question to me instead.

 

Him and I are really look a like on a lot of things including pride. Especially since I am the one who dumped him. (Not making any excuses at all but I know the man has a lot of ego)

 

Of course I didn't tell him I still have strong feelings for him. I said I just wanted to clear the air and I have never been in a situation like this before (which is true)

 

I don't know what to do? I want him back but without the commitment issue.

 

Years has passed he is now succesfull compared to when I met him and he will be in his 30s soon.

 

What do yall think?

 

Ill say he is complicated but I am way not better at this. I have to blame myself for that also.

[MissCanuck]

You're wasting your time with him, OP.

[Rose Mosse]

If you still have feelings for him, this isn't going to be fun for you.

 

If you've moved beyond those feelings (which it doesn't sound like the case), I'd say go ahead and be friends.

 

Unfortunately you'll have to decide whether he's worth being around with his commitment issues. That's a decision for you.

 

My only caution is not to waste your life and your years on emotionally unavailable or unfulfilling relationships. It may seem harmless right now and go-nowhere but you'll look back one day and wonder why on earth you spent all that time over a person who didn't care about you the way that you care about him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he does not see you as relationship material after dumping him. He does not want a relationship or a commitment, at least with you. He will be nice or cordial to you, but he is not interested in reconciling. If he were, you would know.

I am at the point of my life where I have no place in my heart for hate and I always respected and appreciated you no matter what happened between us. Normally its war between me and my exes. And you why did you decided to talk to me? You could have chosen to never replied too?

 

I want him back but without the commitment issue.

[DancingFool]

I finally ask him why after two years he all of a sudden wants a friendship with me (see me and exchanges news in a regular basis) his response is confusing. (we can say ty)

 

Here is his response:

 

I am at the point of my life where I have no place in my heart for hate and I always respected and appreciated you no matter what happened between us. Normally its war between me and my exes. You are the only one I have this with. I still don't understand why also 🤷🏽♀️. And you why did you decided to talk to me? You could have chosen to never replied too?

 

It's an horrible answer he didn't reply at all and return the question to me instead.

 

Him and I are really look a like on a lot of things including pride. Especially since I am the one who dumped him. (Not making any excuses at all but I know the man has a lot of ego)

 

Of course I didn't tell him I still have strong feelings for him. I said I just wanted to clear the air and I have never been in a situation like this before (which is true)

 

I don't know what to do? I want him back but without the commitment issue.

 

Years has passed he is now succesfull compared to when I met him and he will be in his 30s soon.

 

What do yall think?

 

Ill say he is complicated but I am way not better at this. I have to blame myself for that also.

 

I mean......he actually did give you a very good answer - he hasn't changed, he still won't commit to anything....including a straightforward response to a direct question, he did turn it around on you which is game playing. Basically he is still the same guy who plays the same tired games with your heart and head. His response is why you walked away the first time and nothing has changed. He literally proved this to you just now...again....

 

Block, delete, move on. Enough of games already.

[boltnrun]

Anything other than a "I want us to try to work things out so we can be in a relationship" is a no.

 

Although you didn't ask the question you REALLY wanted to ask..."do you want us to work toward getting back together?"

 

I have to presume you were too scared to ask him. And if you're too scared to ask him this question you are nowhere near being able to be in a relationship with him even if he wanted to.

 

He still isn't interested in committing, BTW. So saying you want him back without the commitment issues doesn't make sense because he obviously doesn't want to or he would have said so.

[reinventmyself]

I am still of the camp - that 2 years is a long time. I personally think he'd be foolish to offer commitment without getting reaquainted.

Bad timing, commitment issues. . whatever . isn't necessarily a crime.

I don't know the context of the whole situation but he may be at a different point in his life and looking back with regrets.

Again . . if you can handle it, can you risk getting reaquainted with him again? Do you have something to lose here? Serious question.. .

I don't understand the knee jerk responses that his intentions are nefarious.

If they are. . I am not seeing it.

He may disappoint you again. So will the next person. But do you have what it takes to be objective and observe him from an emotional distance?

[Billie28]

His response was very clear in the sense that he does not want to renew a romantic relationship with you.

 

And having you as a friend is simply to feed his pride and ego.

 

Since YOU are NOT interested in having a platonic relationship with him , then the only thing to do is remove him completely.

 

I’m sorry to say but you label him as having commitment issues, yet I don’t see it that way at all.

Having an issue with committing to you is simply that.

He could meet someone else next month and fully commit.

 

He is just not that into you.

And that’s ok.

But the longer he remains in your life under any capacity , the shorter your chances of meeting someone who will be into you and will commit.

 

Cut the ties. No explanation necessary but you could simply say that you don’t have the room in your life to entertain another friendship. Wish him well and then delete and block.

 

Good luck!

[Cannelle]

He's being very unclear because he wants everything to stay in limbo. ( meaning no committement). That's the little game he's playing. You, on the other hand, are playing "the cool " girl game because you are afraid to make him disapear with your questions.

By silencing your concerns you are validating his whishy whashy attitude and you are putting your self in a very vulnerable position since you are letting him decide where this go.

If you continue that game, you guys will eventually kiss, have sex etc and despite all his affection you'll realise that it is still not a relationship, more a friends with benefit situation.

 

Be clear with him.about what you want and don't settle for less.

[lollipop300]

I followed all of your advice and got a straight answer from him. Y'all were right. Thank for your help. I appreciated.

[Wiseman2]

What did you ask and how did he answer?

I followed all of your advice and got a straight answer from him. Y'all were right. Thank for your help. I appreciated.

[lollipop300]

I told him this:

 

Hello Bob (fictional name),

 

I hope you are doing great.

Listen I think it's better if we cut ties you and I. I've been lying to myself thinking I would be able to be friend with you but the truth is I've had you in the back of my mind in the past couple of days. I can't only be friends with you. I know that deep down, I want more. It got me questionning myself and whatever happened between us, and if we could give it another shot.

 

Anyways, at the end of the day I know you are doing more than fine and I am glad that we don't despite eachothers.

 

Thank you for everything.

 

Here is his reply:

 

Look I respect you honesty and to be for real it's hard and weird for me that we could be friends but I was still trying as I really respect you. The last thing I want to be is a distraction in your life so of me not being in it will help you, I will honor it.

 

Just know one thing my door is always open for you and if you are stuck or in trouble you know where to find me l, my phone is always open.

 

Stay safe and don't forget live your life to the fullest don't settle for any less than the best. 🙏🏽

 

So its clear now that he is not interested in having a live relationship with me otherwise he would have say something. So it's okay, there is a limit to desesperation. I will let him go and move on.

[boltnrun]

Yes, he would have said so if he felt the same as you.

 

Good for you for looking out for yourself.

 

There are men out there who will be a much better fit and who you won't have to deal with "commitment issues".