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A saying: "Your energy introduces you before you even speak."

 

I feel it is more a case that you have very little confidence in yourself, little trust in yourself. You may recall you brought up this issue last year.

 

I agree with other posters who advise taking some time away from dating.

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My rule when dating is pretty straightforward - if I like the guy and he suggests doing something I'm not interested or comfortable with, I'll simply counter with something else to do and then watch to see how he responds. If he resists, counters, ignores and pushes forward with his own agenda, he is gone. I don't feel bad about it, I don't feel upset, it's not about trust, it's about judging compatibility. The quality that I'm looking for is a man who pays attention and respects my pace/choices. If he doesn't bring that to the table, NEXT. One good date, even five good dates mean nothing. Every date, every time is you looking to get to know them and see, observe how they are, who they are, how they treat you and others, and so on. At it's core it's all about you judging compatibility, but it's a process. If you can weed out some bad characters quickly - good.

You can only weed out the lazy ones like me this way. If someone is determined he will play along. You can't know what someone has on his mind.

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I don't get what this has to do with trust. I don't do casual sex, I avoided going to a man's home or any private place if we'd just met -and made big mistakes with this twice -luckily wasn't raped but was assaulted. Did these men lie to you or betray you in some way? I see nothing wrong with asking you to come over whether or not it is for sex. It's a free country. And you're free to decline or suggest an alternative. If he enthusiastically agrees to a public date then sure why not go if you're interested in him otherwise.

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Score.

 

A saying: "Your energy introduces you before you even speak."

 

I feel it is more a case that you have very little confidence in yourself, little trust in yourself. You may recall you brought up this issue last year.

 

I agree with other posters who advise taking some time away from dating.

Well said.

An important life lesson for me was to stop putting all my energy into whether or not a man was trustworthy. Though an important part, you are better off putting as much or more energy into learning to trust - yourself. Your self care is your responsibility, not theirs.

 

People will disappoint you all the time. But if you have the strength and resolve to handle these situations, it just makes dating easier.

 

You learn to pay close attention to your gutt, learn when to move up, duck out, shake it off and move on.

 

Putting it all on them and white knuckling it the entire time makes the process miserable. Trusting that you can handle what comes your way not only changes your energy, but makes you more attractive as well.

 

Bluecastle described what it felt like when he sensed he was being sized up. I used to do that and was told more than once that they didn't like feeling like they were under a microscope. No doubt it was a really unattractive quality and could easily feel insulting to some.

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You can only weed out the lazy ones like me this way. If someone is determined he will play along. You can't know what someone has on his mind.

 

Sooner or later, everyone shows their cards. That's why it's important to be patient and keep your eyes wide open, pay attention, listen carefully, especially watch what they do instead of rushing in with "this date was fun, OMG he is perfect" followed by "I'm disappointed".

 

Ultimately, figuring out the difference between someone who is genuine v someone who is just a pretender is a skill you develop with time and life experience.

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Sooner or later, everyone shows their cards. That's why it's important to be patient and keep your eyes wide open, pay attention, listen carefully, especially watch what they do
I looooooooooooove your detective skills!!!!

 

OP take notes. Private lessons are chargeable!

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Beware of date rape. Of course some guys are nice on the first date. Never enter a man's apartment until you get to know them for a very long time. You can't prove date rape after it is done. If anything, it will be turned around on you as "consensual" or you asked for it meaning you were a tramp or promiscuous. Yes, that's how twisted and humiliated it can get.

 

Trust is earned. Pay close attention to everything when it comes to a person's personality and character.

 

It pays to take it very slow and study a person. If they're "off" in any way, heed those warning bells in your brain. Never ignore red flags because your gut intuition is always right on the mark.

 

Become a very picky and choosy person because it will pay off later. I've dated a few guys before I met my husband and while they were okay, they weren't great and there was something about them which didn't qualify according to my high standards. Good things happen to those who wait.

 

When I attended my high school reunion, a lot of women dated young and early and rushed to the altar. Fast forward years later: The majority of them are divorced single parents and struggling. Haste makes waste.

 

Take your time and never settle for anybody. Make sure your radar is up.

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Good. Just move on. Stick with simple

dates in public places. It's that simple.

He is the same guy and he insisted again on that home date tody, so I am calling him off. It looks very inappropriate for me.
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The whole point of first meets is to screen out bad matches. So before ending the date, why not just mention that he's welcome to contact you for a second date if he'd like to meet again in public?

 

Then if you hear from the guy, he's a potential match. If not, he's screened himself out, and you can move on to meet someone better.

 

Head high, it's a needle in the haystack thing, and most people are NOT our match. But it only takes one.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you guys! All of your responses are more than welcome and appreciated!! Btw I am going on after that and I realized I really ack trust and confidence on myself, thats why I was worring about him. Can you give any advice on any good source (book/course/audio/) to improve confidence and trust on yourself?? Thank you!

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Thank you guys! All of your responses are more than welcome and appreciated!! Btw I am going on after that and I realized I really ack trust and confidence on myself, thats why I was worring about him. Can you give any advice on any good source (book/course/audio/) to improve confidence and trust on yourself?? Thank you!

 

The only way I've learned how to trust my own judgment is to start using it responsibly.

 

So in cases of dating, are you asking the right questions to screen OUT bad matches, or are you going along with whatever info a guy wants to give and letting HIM drive the date?

 

If you're not learning enough on first meet about why a guy is dating and whether his goals are the same as yours, then what's to trust, exactly?

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