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So much drama over nothing. Do you normally have this tendency to whip up drama, make a mountain out of a molehill?

 

She was so heartbroken that she was already on a dating app....give me break or rather give yourself a break and stop being ridiculous. You are not that important that you "broke" her heart. That's a level of arrogance and self importance on your part that you really need to get in check.

 

Wow, you’ve got a lot of nerve! I’m going through a really hard time right now. I’m typically extremely stable and levelheaded and consider myself far from arrogant. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day and feel the need to be rude to people that are struggling so much. It may seem petty to you what in the state that I am in, it kills. I care about her very much. We had been together for five years and I wanted it to work. Unfortunately I sacrifice my happiness for her well-being for way too long. I suppose that was my mistake but you have no right to judge me. you know virtually nothing about me. You Must be a pretty miserable person yourself so I actually only feel bad for you.

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So what exactly are you doing while you "peek"? You just look at their profile pics? Why do you need to be on a dating site to look at pics of women? And how does that help you move on from your previous relationship?

 

I'm serious, I really am curious to know why you would want to do this.

 

A little over two weeks out and I just decided to take a look what was going on out there to give myself a glimmer of hope. That’s it. If that one and 1 million chance did happen and I begin to speak with somebody, it would be made clear where I am at and it would only be friends if that. And that I can almost guarantee will never happen anytime soon. Just looking.

 

I’ve said it in almost every post in this thread. I am not ready to be in a relationship whatsoever. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want hope of that. I have to look forward. And yes I am doing a pretty damn good job working on myself. Trying to figure out who I am and how to be by myself. Just eating and sleeping is a huge challenge and I am doing my best. Just trying to take care of myself. It’s hard. The separation is like an addiction. Withdrawals... takes time and strength.

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I’m freaking out right now inside. I recently ended a five-year relationship. I broke it off two weeks ago. I’ve been alone for over a week. I decided today to go onto a pretty obscure dating app. Strictly just to look and maybe give myself a little hope that there are other people out there that I might be interested in. I am not ready to be in a relationship. Literally just looking.

 

So like I said, I joined today. My ex messaged me tonight and said “nice profile pic“ on said dating app. I cannot believe she was on there and found me. Same day, pretty obscure app. I feel completely disgusting and I absolutely cannot believe the odds. She was not happy about it. I never wanted to hurt her.

 

Was it a mistake? Should I really feel this bad? I feel like such a complete POS. When she messaged me it felt like I was struck by lightning. Not a good day.

 

 

Why would you feel bad and why would you feel that you hurt her? I think you are missing the basics and that is.. you two are no longer dating. Which means, you can do what you want and not have to worry about hurting her. Now, before you get mad, I know you care for her, you love her, she was a part of your life and you care what happens with her. I get it. But understand that you two are on different paths now and she is free to do what she wants and with whoever she wants. You are also free to do the same thing.

 

About the dating app, you could of handled it one of 35 ways but you went to the path of feeling bad and thinking you hurt her. Im not saying that way was wrong, but you could of also replied saying "Thanks, you too" or "I thought so" or just not replied or cared. But instead you went with the path of thinking you hurt her. Remember, she has a profile on there too and is on the prowl as well.

 

Fact and reality is that she is going to find someone and she will end up kissing him and dare to say having sex with him. You can find a girl and do the same thing. And you must also accept that once she finds someone that means something to her that you will be part of her past and any hurt she felt from you will go away. It doesn't mean she will have forgotten about you or forgotten about the relationship, just means she is making new memories with someone else. You will do the same with a new partner.

 

So to focus on whats going on with a profile pic on a dating app is essentially nothing. You can have a love for your X but doesn't mean you have to be in love with your X. She will be just fine as time goes by. She is hurting now as you are as well and a 5 yr relationship is going to take time to heal from. She has to do this on her own as you have to do yours on your own. You cant walk on egg shells wondering if you are continuing to hurt her. I know you don't want to look like a bad guy so just don't do things and rub it in her face, let her find her own path to healing.

 

Im not one to say cut off all contact and block and delete. After 5 years its hard to just cut off all communication so I will just say if you do talk, keep things lite. Don't talk to her at your weak moments and please don't be the guy to ease your guilt or pain (if you have any) by bringing up how great things were. If she wants to do it, then let her do it.

 

In the end, the dating app thing is just one thing that doesn't need require another ounce of thought. Its done, do what you want to do.

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Why would you feel bad and why would you feel that you hurt her? I think you are missing the basics and that is.. you two are no longer dating. Which means, you can do what you want and not have to worry about hurting her. Now, before you get mad, I know you care for her, you love her, she was a part of your life and you care what happens with her. I get it. But understand that you two are on different paths now and she is free to do what she wants and with whoever she wants. You are also free to do the same thing.

 

About the dating app, you could of handled it one of 35 ways but you went to the path of feeling bad and thinking you hurt her. Im not saying that way was wrong, but you could of also replied saying "Thanks, you too" or "I thought so" or just not replied or cared. But instead you went with the path of thinking you hurt her. Remember, she has a profile on there too and is on the prowl as well.

 

Fact and reality is that she is going to find someone and she will end up kissing him and dare to say having sex with him. You can find a girl and do the same thing. And you must also accept that once she finds someone that means something to her that you will be part of her past and any hurt she felt from you will go away. It doesn't mean she will have forgotten about you or forgotten about the relationship, just means she is making new memories with someone else. You will do the same with a new partner.

 

So to focus on whats going on with a profile pic on a dating app is essentially nothing. You can have a love for your X but doesn't mean you have to be in love with your X. She will be just fine as time goes by. She is hurting now as you are as well and a 5 yr relationship is going to take time to heal from. She has to do this on her own as you have to do yours on your own. You cant walk on egg shells wondering if you are continuing to hurt her. I know you don't want to look like a bad guy so just don't do things and rub it in her face, let her find her own path to healing.

 

Im not one to say cut off all contact and block and delete. After 5 years its hard to just cut off all communication so I will just say if you do talk, keep things lite. Don't talk to her at your weak moments and please don't be the guy to ease your guilt or pain (if you have any) by bringing up how great things were. If she wants to do it, then let her do it.

 

In the end, the dating app thing is just one thing that doesn't need require another ounce of thought. Its done, do what you want to do.

 

Hey thanks for that. It’s tough. The littlest stupidest things just shake you up so much. It’s ridiculous.

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The whole point is, if either one of you cared about the other one at all, neither of you would be "peeking" on dating sites or messing around with other people at all right now.

 

You can have hope, by thinking about it in your mind and deciding that one day you will move onto someone else. But that's in the future. The women you see on the dating sites are not the ones for you right now and there's a good chance they won't be around when you do decide to date, (which hopefully won't be for a least 6 months or more).

 

As for kissing or sex right now, that's a good way to not only screw your head up some more, but to involve more people in your confusion and upset.

Just don't.

 

Heal, spend time with family and friends, re-center yourself back to who you are without desperately needing attention from the opposite sex or only feeling important if you're someone's partner.

In fact, feeling the need for either of those things is a huge red flag that you're not healthy enough to be in a relationship right now.

 

People are meant to go into relationships to add to that person's life and to bring good things, not to be needy or to cling to them for some kind of healing.

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Hey thanks for that. It’s tough. The littlest stupidest things just shake you up so much. It’s ridiculous.

 

Of course its going to get to you. After 5 years she is part of the fabric in your life and the thought of her not being in your life hurts. Its not easy to go thru. And you are less than a month or about a month from the break up and the feelings are going to be very raw, the mind is spinning in circles and your emotions are all over the place. One second you are okay, the next you can be confused, and the next you could be hurt and who knows where it goes next. And every time the needle spins you have no idea where it will go.

She is dealing with the same issues as you, but in a different way. You were a part of her life and its not easy not to have you in it. Her emotions are like a leaf blowing in the wind. It might stop for a second then fly away to a new emotion. Meanwhile you are trying to figure out what she is thinking when she herself might not know what she is thinking. So that makes you crazy.

All I can suggest is that you look at yourself. Accept the current moment which is, you two are not dating anymore, she will find someone else and you will find someone else. You will find happiness and so will she. It is going to take time for that reality to sink in, but it will get there and that is acceptance. When you accept that she will always be a part of your history, she made you better and you made her better and you two shared great memories and its going to be but one chapter in a series of chapters in your life.

Doesn't mean you will ever forget her but in time the emotions tied to your feelings will fade away as long as you don't actively keep those ties fresh and strong. I can tell you how my first ever GF dumped me, but Im not going to cry over it because the emotions are not longer tied with that memory. Eventually youll get to the point where you can think of her and smile but not get all emotional. Its going to happen.

I know until that day happens, its going to suck! So be strong, accept that you two are on different paths and you will be okay. So focus on your happiness, let her focus on hers.

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