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Feelings for a friend who broke up recently


Blip266

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Okey..

I realized that I had feelings for a girl 2 weeks ago, I've been there for her 2 months since she broke up with her ex (we have been friends for a year) , when she told me she had found a tinder date I got really jellous and then and there I realized I had feelings for her. I told her this a week later and she told me she had thought of me aswell and would love to go on a date with me. I'm in an dying relationship with another girl and is most likely regardless of the situation with the new girl, breaking up with her.

 

Me and this new girl got common friends and on a party, she had invited her new date, just as he left she went over to me and asked me what I thought and then I asked her and she sounded very unsure about him. Later that evening I went to another room to pet a cat, in which she followed me in and layed down really close to me and we looked at each other and yeah... We didn't do anything but we "accidentally" touched each other allot when we were petting the cat and looked at each other. Then some common friends came in and we separated.

 

I told her 2 days after this how I felt about her and she said she liked me aswell and had thought about me before and would love to go on a date.

 

The thing is, two days ago she texted me that she had realized that she still have had some bad feelings and scars from her previous relationship and had noticed these while still hanging around the date she was so unsure about, she told me they don't have allot in common and that they both only expect it to last through the summer. She told me that she wasn't ready for our date and didn't have the energy to create feelings for someone and that right now she just wants to keep on talking casually.

 

I'm really split about this and I'm not sure what to do or how to interpret everything, we also meet that evening after she sent that text on a party, she sat down beside me through the whole party and we often looked at each other and smiled, one of my friends noticed that we were flirty (not physically) and she followed me around most of the time... We haven't spoken since, and this is about 2 days ago.

 

What should I do? I really don't know if she likes me or not, she told me she did but I'm so unsure now they she canceled our plans on the date, but at the same time she is talking to her temporary fling and also shows feelings towards me when we see each other, not as much through text.

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She has only recently broken up with her boyfriend and you're STILL in a relationship. This has rebound written all over it for BOTH of you. Rebound relationships rarely last. You haven't even ended things with your current girlfriend and already wanting to launch into the next one.

 

What to do? She told you straight up that she isn't ready and wants to casually talk with you. (Sounds like she's got her head on right). There's your answer. Sort out your own current relationship before launching into the next one.

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Why are you not ending things with your current girlfriend? Be careful because people talk!

 

You're running the risk of being that guy that acts inappropriate around other women when in a relationship with someone else and this could really backfire on you big time.

 

Parties are where people get together, have a good time, meet old and new friends and things can sometimes get out of hand. I think you're overplaying it a little too much with this person. Look out for yourself a bit more and keep your integrity intact. This isn't a good way to start a new relationship anyway and very suspect.

 

This person also doesn't want to engage with you any further so it's best to be respectful of her too.

 

You've haven't said much about your girlfriend. What's going on in the relationship that makes it feel like it's dying? Do you mind me asking?

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Yes, sadly, i've been feeling for having feelings for someone else. I am actually taking a train for 2 hours then car for 4 hours to meet up with her and talk about the situation face to face and most possibly brake it up with her. Its hard when i still really like her, but i dont feel the attraction anymore and havnt done for 6 months, i've always wanted it to work and therefore kept trying.

 

I just feel split about her that she told me 4 days ago she shared my interest and would love to go on a date and that she texted me 2 days ago telling me she might not be ready to create a new bond/and or feelings for someone else right now. Then we meet the same night she wrote the text and we didnt talk about it in person but i still felt that she is physically closer than she used to be and looked at me often. I really wanted to kiss her when we were petting the cat but didnt due to respect for my current girlfriend and that i at that time didnt know how she felt.

 

i really dont know what to do, i have to figure out what to do with my current Girlfriend but i cant stop thinking about the other one, im not sure confronting her and asking her again about evrything is a good idea, it would rather push her away i guess..

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we were in a distance relationship when we met, but then it was manageable, took like 40min with train.

 

Then i moved due to studies and we cant meet more than once a month, if even that. I've never felt that social connection with her, that we could speak about anything for hours, which makes this even harder to keep alive, usually our talks just includes the basic, "how have your day been" and thats about it, i've tried now for almost 6 months to get this to work and find something to talk about but i simply cant...

 

I got much more in-common with the other girl and i feel like i can talk to her about anything forever, but due to the fact that she dont want to date me right now im not sure what to do with her, should i keep talking to her as usual or not? Since i confessed my feelings we were talking allot but since she sent that text and we were at that last party we havnt spoken much or at all basically.... i can't stop thinking about her but at the same time i don't want to nag her and ask her just 2 days later if she changed her mind and wants to go on a date, im feeling anxiety and im so unsure about everything, i really want to get to know her that way but im not sure how to interpret evrything...

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You are obviously not going to have the same feelings for your partner if you are daydreaming about someone else.

 

Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Finding your gf uninteresting or your gf got uninteresting due to you being unfaithful?

 

I think it's better to take a big time out and don't date anyone for awhile. The new person isn't interested in pursuing anything deeper with you and she's being honest with you so try to be respectful.

 

End things with your girlfriend because it's just cruel to keep stringing someone along. Good for you for ending it or planning to do so. Don't be that guy jumping from one woman to another.

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I'm sitting the train as I write this so I'll know in a day or two, but most likely the relationship will end here..

 

Regarding the other girl, it's hard to get everything into text, the 4h walk we had when she told me about stuffs we could do and comparing me and her to other couples and she told me straight up to my face that she did like me, thus I'm confused over her text, which she sent 2 days ago..

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Understandably so but it's probably better to put the new person out of your mind.

 

If you're going to end things with your girlfriend be in the present moment and give it at least that much attention and heart.

 

The problem with doing one thing while distracted with another thing is that you won't be processing the break up fully or acknowledging where you went wrong in the relationship also. The start and end of relationships should always have some sort of lesson or takeaway. It took two people to bring them together and two to break it apart.

 

Not processing that or giving it the thought and time it deserves will come back to haunt you as you keep repeating the same mistakes.

 

It seems you are already pursuing women who are not 100% available whether by distance or presence of mind. Why? You don't have to answer this here. You do deserve a fulfilling relationship. Don't chase after people who aren't 100% open and ready to share their lives with you.

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I'm sitting the train as I write this so I'll know in a day or two, but most likely the relationship will end here..

 

Regarding the other girl, it's hard to get everything into text, the 4h walk we had when she told me about stuffs we could do and comparing me and her to other couples and she told me straight up to my face that she did like me, thus I'm confused over her text, which she sent 2 days ago..

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She liked the comfort you provided her only.

She also is vulnerable.

 

Break it off with your gf you are no longer attracted to and realise this new girl is not attracted to you romantically.

 

Enjoy being single and stop spending time with females fresh out of a relationship who will use you to fill a void for a short while before moving on to someone they are interested in when ready to.

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It's really hard to get evrything into a text, feels like I've missed allot..

 

This "new" girl is someone I've know for a year now, I've been told before she broke up that we looked like we were flirting (nothing I thought about then) back when she also was in her relationship. She also told me she thought about us before she broke up, that we would have been a better match than her ex and me.

 

I'm going down to my Gf today, got 3,5h car ride in front of me.. Feeling like

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It's really hard to get evrything into a text, feels like I've missed allot..

 

This "new" girl is someone I've know for a year now, I've been told before she broke up that we looked like we were flirting (nothing I thought about then) back when she also was in her relationship. She also told me she thought about us before she broke up, that we would have been a better match than her ex and me.

 

I'm going down to my Gf today, got 3,5h car ride in front of me.. Feeling like

 

You are on your way to break up with your gf. And meanwhile posting on here about a girl who is not interested in dating you , yet listening to hearsay about others perspectives about your apparent year long friendship??

 

Really???

 

Break up with your gf whom you have been emotionally cheating on , get over this supposed crush on a girl who used you as an emotional tampon and then be single and enjoy!!!

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I've been told before she broke up that we looked like we were flirting (nothing I thought about then) back when she also was in her relationship. She also told me she thought about us before she broke up, that we would have been a better match than her ex and me.

 

Maybe this is why she's broken up and your relationship was dying.

 

When someone told you you looked like flirting with another girl while in a relationship you should have paused and reflected on that. You brushed it off and carried on with disrespectful behavior to both your gf and her ex which very likely contributed to the demise of your relationships. The result of cheating or emotional cheating is not pure love; it is two selfish individuals seeking whatever makes themselves feel good at the moment at the expense of others - not even strangers, but the partners they are supposed to love and care for. I cannot trust someone who does this to their partners.

 

She was never 100% available to you. First there was her bf and when he's out of the picture she still doesn't want to date you. Even if she agrees to date you, do you really believe she will not start flirting with other guys and telling them they could make a better couple at some point, as soon as your relationship gets stale? Why do you find this trait attractive?

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