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Ladies, your advice please.


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Slumber parties and then "busy"? Have you video-chatted? Are you sure she is 29 or single?

 

Yes video chatted. And sure single and sure 29.

 

You are kidding me that there is only so much you can do with a 7 pm curfew. I can think of a million ways to be busy.

 

You can be on Instagram and mindlessly scroll and like when you are on the toilet or when you cannot sleep at 3 am. Its not a time where you would call someone. If she is with her girlfriends, she should be focusing on them. If she is with her family for the first time since COVID, etc, she is spending time with them.

 

Honestly, the next thing is going to be that you act possessive and this will blow up, Be glad someone has a life outside of some guy on the phone

 

Perhaps. But one person changing their actions overnight, when the past 3 weeks have been daily interactions, does raise a yellow flag.

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You sound almost addicted to the attention and suffering from withdrawal.....

 

Is it really so hard for you to understand that spending that much time talking to a person can become exhausting and that at some point communication has to normalize...because people really do have other things to do besides spending all day yapping on the phone? I mean if that's all you've got going for you, you really should revisit your life choices. You will smother most relationships with that level of neediness. No woman can be your constant daily entertainer all day every day nonstop without a pause and no woman can shoulder the responsibility for being the center of your universe. That's one heck of a burden to place on a person.

 

Calm down, back off. Find something else to do. Never engage in that much intense chatting daily. Yes her backing off is a yellow flag...possibly a stop flag. Give her some space and even if she returns, be calmer, keep things more reasonable, don't keep her on the phone for hours. It.does.get.old.

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On some days, she has more time than others. On one day, she can talk to you for hours and other times, she prefers to do something else. Respect other people's time and space. It's not healthy to spend that much time on the phone anyway for you, too. Eventually too much familiarity breeds contempt.

 

If you want to keep your relationship fresh, don't over do it with excessive phone communication. Give each other a break!

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Is it really so hard for you to understand that spending that much time talking to a person can become exhausting and that at some point communication has to normalize...because people really do have other things to do besides spending all day yapping on the phone?

 

This is another important point, OP. Whether or not this woman has lost interest, that sort of communication every day isn't sustainable. You have to realize that sooner or later, it peters out as people resume their usual habits and responsibilities.

 

Try to pace it more in the beginning so you don't have unrealistic expectations of it continuing when daily life gets in the way.

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We do have hours and hours given the current circumstances. Realistically a date to actually happen will probably be in another 3 weeks or so.

 

I don't understand this. You're both home with no jobs/school etc because of quarantine, yet she can go to an overnighter with multiple friends but you won't have another date for 3 weeks or more? That sounds very contradictory. Why such a delay when you don't have anything much else on?

 

Also, you said she hadn't replied because she'd "passed out" - do you mean because she'd drunk herself into oblivion or because she was just asleep? If it's the former, then, given your anxiety about her change in behaviour or level of contact, maybe she's not someone who's going to be a good fit for you.

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You sound almost addicted to the attention and suffering from withdrawal.....

 

Is it really so hard for you to understand that spending that much time talking to a person can become exhausting and that at some point communication has to normalize...because people really do have other things to do besides spending all day yapping on the phone? I mean if that's all you've got going for you, you really should revisit your life choices. You will smother most relationships with that level of neediness. No woman can be your constant daily entertainer all day every day nonstop without a pause and no woman can shoulder the responsibility for being the center of your universe. That's one heck of a burden to place on a person.

 

Calm down, back off. Find something else to do. Never engage in that much intense chatting daily. Yes her backing off is a yellow flag...possibly a stop flag. Give her some space and even if she returns, be calmer, keep things more reasonable, don't keep her on the phone for hours. It.does.get.old.

 

 

I am aware of that. I'm not the attention-craving type. Both of us engage in minimal texting through the day and have a long phone call night. Neither is needy. It's a balanced reciprocation. And my concern isn't having a break or space, if anything it's good and healthy. My concern is her sudden change of behavior. That's all. Anyhow, till will tell. Thanks for your feedback though

 

 

 

This is another important point, OP. Whether or not this woman has lost interest, that sort of communication every day isn't sustainable. You have to realize that sooner or later, it peters out as people resume their usual habits and responsibilities.

 

Try to pace it more in the beginning so you don't have unrealistic expectations of it continuing when daily life gets in the way.

 

I totally agree with you 100%. Too much neediness from either side isn't healthy. And believe me I pace myself pretty well, I've learnt so. Besides, her overnight sleepover was a good 2-day break as we minimally texted. Now going on to the 4th day. It's not the "have a break" that is concerning me, that's the least of my worries, it's her evident sudden change of behavior that is concerning me.

 

I don't understand this. You're both home with no jobs/school etc because of quarantine, yet she can go to an overnighter with multiple friends but you won't have another date for 3 weeks or more? That sounds very contradictory. Why such a delay when you don't have anything much else on?

 

Also, you said she hadn't replied because she'd "passed out" - do you mean because she'd drunk herself into oblivion or because she was just asleep? If it's the former, then, given your anxiety about her change in behaviour or level of contact, maybe she's not someone who's going to be a good fit for you.

 

She lives a 2-hour flight away from me in a different city/country with different rules. Her airport will open in a few weeks, then I can go back home.

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She probably had to wait to go to her bf's bathroom to text you. Sorry the slumber party story sounds like bull. You've never met, you're not exclusive so why won't she be at a guy's house overnight?

her overnight sleepover was a good 2-day break as we minimally texted.
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I totally agree with you 100%. Too much neediness from either side isn't healthy. And believe me I pace myself pretty well, I've learnt so. Besides, her overnight sleepover was a good 2-day break as we minimally texted. Now going on to the 4th day. It's not the "have a break" that is concerning me, that's the least of my worries, it's her evident sudden change of behavior that is concerning me..

 

I gather she hasn't been in touch yet, then?

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I gather she hasn't been in touch yet, then?

 

She has yesterday, we spoke on the phone. She was on her period (which I thought she might be) so she had cramps in her stomach, plus she was sun-burnt from staying at her friend's when they were at the pool, so she spent all day in bed when she got home relaxing and healing, and just wanted some time.

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Yes video chatted. And sure single and sure 29.

 

 

 

Perhaps. But one person changing their actions overnight, when the past 3 weeks have been daily interactions, does raise a yellow flag.

 

As a relationship, acquaintanceship, etc, progresses - there will be days when the other person has a tough day and just wants to sleep, sees a relative, etc, and they won't be available 24/7. if she is going back to work after stay at home orders are up, she won't be at your beck and call. You expect her life to revolve on some guy she chats with online. It is not.

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She has yesterday, we spoke on the phone. She was on her period (which I thought she might be) so she had cramps in her stomach, plus she was sun-burnt from staying at her friend's when they were at the pool, so she spent all day in bed when she got home relaxing and healing, and just wanted some time.

 

All of that for nothing. And TMI if she is talking about her period to you if you only have been chatting 3 weeks

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She has yesterday, we spoke on the phone. She was on her period (which I thought she might be) so she had cramps in her stomach, plus she was sun-burnt from staying at her friend's when they were at the pool, so she spent all day in bed when she got home relaxing and healing, and just wanted some time.

 

And do you feel more relaxed now?

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All of that for nothing. And TMI if she is talking about her period to you if you only have been chatting 3 weeks

hmm perhaps TMI. I guess she just felt comfortable.

 

 

And do you feel more relaxed now?

 

Yes, definitely relieved. If she mentioned that initially, i would've been totally fine. Let her have as much time as she likes. It's just the sudden disconnect that got to me, that's all.

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hmm perhaps TMI. I guess she just felt comfortable.

 

 

 

 

Yes, definitely relieved. If she mentioned that initially, i would've been totally fine. Let her have as much time as she likes. It's just the sudden disconnect that got to me, that's all.

 

So if I were really into someone and had personal reasons for needing to disconnect I would let the person know that to make sure there was no misunderstanding because I wouldn't want to alienate the person.

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So if I were really into someone and had personal reasons for needing to disconnect I would let the person know that to make sure there was no misunderstanding because I wouldn't want to alienate the person.

 

I was thinking the same thing.

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So if I were really into someone and had personal reasons for needing to disconnect I would let the person know that to make sure there was no misunderstanding because I wouldn't want to alienate the person.

 

Agreed. Time will tell. I’ll be on the lookout.

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I know these may not be enough reason to believe so, but it's also a gut feeling.

 

I'd go with your gut on this, tbh. Obviously that's probably going to be difficult, given that you're in the exciting first-phases of this interaction.

 

if I were really into someone and had personal reasons for needing to disconnect I would let the person know that to make sure there was no misunderstanding because I wouldn't want to alienate the person.

 

Same here, and I look for the same kind of consideration from others.

 

And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.

 

I agree with you to a limited extent. All you really know is that you like each other and that you enjoy talking to each other.

 

You may be very different in some important, fundamental ways.

 

For example, I think it's an important to notice that she is treating the sudden gap in communication differently from what you would prefer.

 

That means something. What does it mean? As you say, time will tell.

 

There are character and personality traits that won't be evident for months, or even years. For example, her coping skills under different sets of circumstances.

 

Ten years ago, I met this guy online and, like you, we talked for hours and hours every day. We couldn't stop. It was like we were addicted to talking to each other.

 

Then we met in person, and things seemed to get even better. It lasted like that for two months, and then he abruptly pulled away.

 

I knew he was recently out of a five year relationship, but I put the idea of him rebounding out of my mind. We'd already talked about it, and he reassured me that he was totally over his ex.

 

What neither of us realized was that there was other collateral damage that came along with that break up. He couldn't cope with the turmoil that he was in, and it killed what we had.

 

He was a genuinely nice guy, but he was in deep denial about some important things. That's something I learned about him after the fact. I couldn't have predicted it going in.

 

I sensed that something was wrong for a couple weeks before the sht hit the fan. Unfortunately, I dismissed that feeling and paid for it with a lousy break up.

 

That's why I say for you to go with your gut. Cool your jets. Be wary.

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