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Ladies, your advice please.


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I've been talking with this girl for the past 3 weeks. We talk on the phone daily for hours and hours. You know how the first phase is.

 

On Tuesday, she went to her friend's house to sleep for a night, as her friend was having a sleepover. We exchanged normal texts on Tuesday and Wednesday morning too. By Wednesday night I reached out to see if she was back home. She responded this morning (Thursday) saying she was passed out. We exchanged minimal dry texts and I asked if she's free so I can call her, she said she's busy with her parents and will let me know when she's done. It's been 9 hours since that message. No exchange since.

 

It is not typical of her. She usually connects.

 

Any thoughts on what I should do? Should I reach out? Or leave it?

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People really don't have hours and hours to talk daily. Might be exciting at first, but then real life start to call for your attention - family, friends, work, school, hobbies, etc.

 

Talking needs to lead to a date and talking that much will burn people out. Give her some space and see if you can plan a date - even if it's a walk in the park while socially distancing or whatever your local situation is.

 

Also, trying to set an appointment for calling can be annoying for some people. If you want call. If I'm available I'll answer and if not, that's what voicemail/texts are for. I'll call you back when I can.

 

Finally, please realize that you don't actually know her and you have no idea what "normal" is at this point.

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Is this friend an ex or on/off bf?

 

girl-friend. It was a bunch of girls. Like 7 of them.

 

May I ask how old the two of you are? How did you meet, was it online? And is this a long-distance situation?

 

I'm 33, she's 29. We have distant mutuals. We met online and it is temporary long distance, because of quarantine otherwise I'd be where she is now (2-hour flight)

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People really don't have hours and hours to talk daily. Might be exciting at first, but then real life start to call for your attention - family, friends, work, school, hobbies, etc.

 

Talking needs to lead to a date and talking that much will burn people out. Give her some space and see if you can plan a date - even if it's a walk in the park while socially distancing or whatever your local situation is.

 

Also, trying to set an appointment for calling can be annoying for some people. If you want call. If I'm available I'll answer and if not, that's what voicemail/texts are for. I'll call you back when I can.

 

Finally, please realize that you don't actually know her and you have no idea what "normal" is at this point.

 

We do have hours and hours given the current circumstances. Realistically a date to actually happen will probably be in another 3 weeks or so.

I am not setting an appointment to call, but usually that's our quick way of calling. I just ask or she asks if we're free to call. If not, it'll be later. We keep it simple.

Thanks for your feedback though.

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Have you met up in person?

 

It's been only 9 hours and she said she was busy. You don't know each other that well so if there was a family emergency or something she may not feel comfortable to overshare. Relax and give her space. You can send her a simple "Good night" or "Good morning" text when you go to bed or get up but don't push her for a response. When she's ready to contact you she will.

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Have you met up in person?

 

It's been only 9 hours and she said she was busy. You don't know each other that well so if there was a family emergency or something she may not feel comfortable to overshare. Relax and give her space. You can send her a simple "Good night" or "Good morning" text when you go to bed or get up but don't push her for a response. When she's ready to contact you she will.

 

We haven't met in person yet, due to covid.

 

I agree with you, it's just not typical of her not to connect back, that's all. And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.

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Assume she's still busy with her parents, and let her come to you.

 

Even though you have been talking a lot, you still know very little about her in practical terms. Believe her when she says she'll let you know when she's free. Don't send another message at this point.

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We haven't met in person yet, due to covid.

 

I agree with you, it's just not typical of her not to connect back, that's all. And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.

 

What it does is create an illusion of closeness and connection that you don't actually have in reality.

 

Also, you are so neck deep in it that you aren't paying attention to reality. She IS spending time with friends, she IS busy with her parents. No, right now she doesn't have time to be sitting on the phone with you for hours and she has told you this, so believe her.

 

As much as you don't want to hear this - talking that much will burn people out. Learn how to pace and space and find something else to do with your time besides sitting on the phone or by the phone. Don't be so thirsty because that's not attractive. Give her some space and let her come to you when she has time and wants to.

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Assume she's still busy with her parents, and let her come to you.

 

Even though you have been talking a lot, you still know very little about her in practical terms. Believe her when she says she'll let you know when she's free. Don't send another message at this point.

 

You have a point. It's itching me, wont lie. Better not be one of those "tests" that some girls do.

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We haven't met in person yet, due to covid.

 

I agree with you, it's just not typical of her not to connect back, that's all. And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.

 

Like you said you are currently talking daily for hours instead of meeting up due to circumstances (covid etc.). Her circumstances might have just changed. It could be literally anything and could go any direction just like your very early, fledgling romance. No use for speculation at this point. I would just be careful not to get overly attached before you actually meet the person.

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Like you said you are currently talking daily for hours instead of meeting up due to circumstances (covid etc.). Her circumstances might have just changed. It could be literally anything and could go any direction just like your very early, fledgling romance. No use for speculation at this point. I would just be careful not to get overly attached before you actually meet the person.

 

I guess so. It's just itching me and I hate it. Thanks for your feedback.

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Take it easy and try and redirect your energies towards other areas. What do you mean she was passed out? Was it a drinking episode with friends or ?

 

I'd hang back and give yourself time to watch each other more and observe. Your lifestyles might not be compatible.

 

I have a very old friend whom I keep in touch to this day and nothing will ever come of it no matter how much history and laughs we've had in the past because of very different lifestyles. He tries though in a playful way but it's never going to work and I am clear about it.

 

Give yourselves time and see whether you match in your likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests and see how each of you spend your free time or manage stress even.

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Take it easy and try and redirect your energies towards other areas. What do you mean she was passed out? Was it a drinking episode with friends or ?

 

I'd hang back and give yourself time to watch each other more and observe. Your lifestyles might not be compatible.

 

I have a very old friend whom I keep in touch to this day and nothing will ever come of it no matter how much history and laughs we've had in the past because of very different lifestyles. He tries though in a playful way but it's never going to work and I am clear about it.

 

Give yourselves time and see whether you match in your likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests and see how each of you spend your free time or manage stress even.

 

Passed out as in sleeping. No she doesn't drink at all, nor do her friends.

 

That's what I'm doing, focusing energy elsewhere, as annoying and tough as it may be. Decided not to text today, i'll just do so tomorrow morning and take it from there.

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Why dont you believe she's busy?

 

Because it's highly unlikely. We're under quarantine with 7pm curfews so there is only so much that can be done. Plus noticed activity on her Instagram. I know these may not be enough reason to believe so, but it's also a gut feeling.

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I'd be wary of letting on too much. You might come across as a little creepy if she knows you're watching her Instagram activity and are suspecting her of ignoring you on purpose.

 

Don't get too openly negative about this as it might bite you in the butt.

 

If you have a hunch, stick with it and let people show you what they are. Don't let on just yet. Take care of you, do you. Just watch and observe.

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She went to a sleepover with a bunch of girlfriends during the restrictions? Isn't that violating the regulations?

 

And "busy" doesn't have to mean leaving home. I get "busy" doing random stuff. I'm not deliberately ignoring anyone, I just get into doing my thing.

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I'd be wary of letting on too much. You might come across as a little creepy if she knows you're watching her Instagram activity and are suspecting her of ignoring you on purpose.

 

Don't get too openly negative about this as it might bite you in the butt.

 

If you have a hunch, stick with it and let people show you what they are. Don't let on just yet. Take care of you, do you. Just watch and observe.

 

Wasn’t watching her IG specifically, just noticed her watching my story.

 

Something is just not right, its evident. Time will tell what it is.

Anyhow, thanks for your feedback. I’ll suck it in for the night, and see what’s up tomorrow.

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Wasn’t watching her IG specifically, just noticed her watching my story.

 

Something is just not right, its evident. Time will tell what it is.

Anyhow, thanks for your feedback. I’ll suck it in for the night, and see what’s up tomorrow.

 

Good call. If she's disinterested too and hot/cold, probably not the greatest person to have around. You deserve better.

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Flash in the pan as I say. You and possibly others she's chatting with. Should never invest so heavily in someone you have never met. When they do a 180 usually means there is someone else. I would question the story of 7 girls having a "sleep over" during a pandemic.

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Because it's highly unlikely. We're under quarantine with 7pm curfews so there is only so much that can be done. Plus noticed activity on her Instagram. I know these may not be enough reason to believe so, but it's also a gut feeling.

 

You are kidding me that there is only so much you can do with a 7 pm curfew. I can think of a million ways to be busy.

 

You can be on Instagram and mindlessly scroll and like when you are on the toilet or when you cannot sleep at 3 am. Its not a time where you would call someone. If she is with her girlfriends, she should be focusing on them. If she is with her family for the first time since COVID, etc, she is spending time with them.

 

Honestly, the next thing is going to be that you act possessive and this will blow up, Be glad someone has a life outside of some guy on the phone

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Slumber parties and then "busy"? Have you video-chatted? Are you sure she is 29 or single?

 

My roommate used to have "the girls" over for old time's sake when some from out of town came. Their slumber party was running the margarita machine to whatever time at night. It wasn't pillowfights. It was staying all night chatting, hanging out and spending the night.

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