Help hahahah in my feels rn

[boltnrun]

Let me give you one more piece of advice: do NOT waste any money on those scam "Get your ex back, guaranteed!!!!!111" so-called programs. The "testimonials" are fake. They are interested in only one thing, getting you to give them your money. And their stupid tactics don't work.

[ynk6]

hahahahah don't worry i know, im really not THAT desperate, i won't die alone if i never get her back hahah but thank you, i appreciate it!! any more wisdom you have hidden up your sleeve? i need everything atm

[boltnrun]

You got great answers already.

 

Back off, stop contact. She will either start to regret losing you or she won't. But I can guarantee always being up in her face will turn her off faster than anything else because she will know she HAS you. Don't do it.

[Tanzi]

You're honestly a god send, your advice isn't the basic but its genuinely helpful and makes me hopeful that no matter what happens, i'll be fine

 

You, really, really will.

[ynk6]

10/10 advice, why did i think messaging her every now and then would help :/ i don't really understand the female mind but i do know she is so stubborn that in 3 months time she could be crying in bed missing me but won't message me first; she's that type of girl so how do i get around that? if none of us message first, fundamentally its just the end really

[ynk6]

I guess ill be fine but i KNOW i'll always miss and love her no matter what; i can be happy without her but i wanna be happy w her too. I guess i have to put my trust into our love/connection, knowing that its strong enough to bring her back

[Tanzi]

10/10 advice, why did i think messaging her every now and then would help :/ i don't really understand the female mind but i do know she is so stubborn that in 3 months time she could be crying in bed missing me but won't message me first; she's that type of girl so how do i get around that? if none of us message first, fundamentally its just the end really

 

You're tutoring yourself with those thoughts. You will be doing exactly what she has asked of you. You will be respecting HER wishes ... therefore, she will know that it will be up to her to reach out to you if her feelings change. I mean, you're not a mind reader are you? Anyway, she won't be feeling stubborn at that point. She would be in a totally different emotional place. If she wants you back badly enough, she'll get in touch.

[Tanzi]

I guess ill be fine but i KNOW i'll always miss and love her no matter what; i can be happy without her but i wanna be happy w her too. I guess i have to put my trust into our love/connection, knowing that its strong enough to bring her back

 

You won't always love and miss her. When you start to move on, you'll miss her less and less. Then you will meet someone else who will take your mind completely off of her and eventually you will fall in love with someone else. That's how this world rolls! We just don't believe it at the time.

[ynk6]

Cannot fault that tbh, you have a very valid point. Would me contacting her at ANY point be out the question then? Hypothetical scenario; she misses me so much but still doesn't message me haha

[ynk6]

I appreciate that but genuinely trust me about this, ill never love anyone like i love her - i used to sleep w a diff every week and never speak to them again but when i met her i knew she was the one for me, she wasnt just my girlfriend, she's my best friend, soul mate and part of my soul haha

 

I really don't want to be want to be w anyone else, she's the person i want to spend rest of my life w

[boltnrun]

Cannot fault that tbh, you have a very valid point. Would me contacting her at ANY point be out the question then? Hypothetical scenario; she misses me so much but still doesn't message me haha

 

I guess if you're laughing you're feeling better about it.

 

If she doesn't message you then she really doesn't feel the way you think she does. And why would you want someone who doesn't truly want you?

[Tanzi]

Cannot fault that tbh, you have a very valid point. Would me contacting her at ANY point be out the question then? Hypothetical scenario; she misses me so much but still doesn't message me haha

 

Well, put it this way, the NC police aren't going to come after you and lock you up if you do. In all seriousness, regardless of the advice surrounding NC, it really is up to you what you do. No-one can stop you from reaching out to your ex and no-one can preach to you if you do. We've all been there. We've all followed our hearts instead of our heads at some point. I know NC is championed on here (and I am a true believer of NC) but we are all still human and there will be blips in our journey forward. Every once in a while I believe there are situations where reaching out may help the journey forwards as it could jolt someone out of a rut they may be stuck in. In your case, where you have convinced yourself she's missing you and crying over you. Most people will probably disagree but even though it might hurt to find out she's actually doing okay and happy it will, at least, give you the kick start you need to start move forwards again.

[ynk6]

So a little story; one time i tweeted something, back in the first year of our relationship, and she thought it was about her and went mental, blocked me off everything for no reason (deja vu) and for two weeks i just left her to it, done NC and then got my friend to tell her i want to talk. I told her the tweet wasnt aimed at her and i just liked it because it was funny - she told me she cried every night and missed me, she went out and someone sitting next to her had the same cologne i did and it made her sad, she wanted me back. But the point of this anecdote is that no matter how much she missed me, she didn't reach out - she's got a lot of pride and ego and v v stubborn. Thats why i asked this question :/

[ynk6]

haha NC police made me laugh hahaha but seriously yes you have a point!! read my anecdote and decide again - i truly know her better than she knows herself, ie her behaviour pattern etc but my anecdote i just wrote proves my point - she's got a lot of pride and ego and in order to reestablish contact i feel i have to make the first move

[ynk6]

[so a little story; one time i tweeted something, back in the first year of our relationship, and she thought it was about her and went mental, blocked me off everything for no reason (deja vu) and for two weeks i just left her to it, done NC and then got my friend to tell her i want to talk. I told her the tweet wasnt aimed at her and i just liked it because it was funny - she told me she cried every night and missed me, she went out and someone sitting next to her had the same cologne i did and it made her sad, she wanted me back. But the point of this anecdote is that no matter how much she missed me, she didn't reach out - she's got a lot of pride and ego and v v stubborn. Thats why i asked this question :/]

 

haha NC police made me laugh hahaha but seriously yes you have a point!! read my anecdote and decide again - i truly know her better than she knows herself, ie her behaviour pattern etc but my anecdote i just wrote proves my point - she's got a lot of pride and ego and in order to reestablish contact i feel i have to make the first move

[Wiseman2]

If you keep pestering her, she will grow tired of you. Let it rest.

I reached out last week but she said "its healthier if we go our separate ways"

[boltnrun]

haha NC police made me laugh hahaha but seriously yes you have a point!! read my anecdote and decide again - i truly know her better than she knows herself, ie her behaviour pattern etc but my anecdote i just wrote proves my point - she's got a lot of pride and ego and in order to reestablish contact i feel i have to make the first move

 

So go ahead. You don't need advice then. You've already decided how she feels, so you don't need us to tell you anything.

[Tanzi]

Despite what I said above, please don't make this about her being stubborn. Being stubborn means that you are strong at standing your ground when you feel you are wronged. This is a different thing entirely. She instigated the break-up. The ball is in her court. She knows that. Being stubborn might make someone obstinate (for a while) but it doesn't make them stupid. If she was missing you that much, eventually the stubborness would dissolve and her instinct would be to stop the pain.

 

Don't use it as an excuse.

[ynk6]

Duly noted.

[ynk6]

I haven’t decided how she feels? I just pointed out she TOLD me how much she missed me but I asked her why she didn’t reach out and she didn’t really have an answer - she missed me to the point of she couldn’t eat or sleep but never once sent me a message.

[boltnrun]

I haven’t decided how she feels? I just pointed out she TOLD me how much she missed me but I asked her why she didn’t reach out and she didn’t really have an answer - she missed me to the point of she couldn’t eat or sleep but never once sent me a message.

 

That just happened? Like within the past few weeks? Or was that something that happened in the past?

[ynk6]

Okay very good point; I just know she’s not the type of person to message me first no matter what - and you have a very good argument there that I can’t discredit but how do you explain my anecdote then? It completely baffled me tbh, if you miss someone you’ll do anything to stop the pain yet she didn’t?

[ynk6]

This happened in 2017, about 8 months into our relationship- we spoke on the phone and made up after about half hour but when I next saw her I spoke to her more in depth and I just had to know and she told me this herself

[boltnrun]

This happened in 2017, about 8 months into our relationship- we spoke on the phone and made up after about half hour but when I next saw her I spoke to her more in depth and I just had to know and she told me this herself

 

So three years ago?

 

One mistake my ex made was assuming I hadn't progressed at all during our 4 year relationship. He expected the same tactics that worked in year one to work in year four. And he expected me to react and behave the same way four years later. He was wrong.

 

So for you to base your assumptions on how she behaved three years ago isn't really a good idea.

 

Although I believe you'll argue with me.

 

Hey, if you want to remain in contact with her, go ahead! I mean, it hasn't worked so far but what do I know? Maybe you do know better.

[ynk6]

Haha noooo, I really really don’t know any better than you guys in here - her saying that really served me a big piece of humble pie. I thought I was special and didn’t need NC at all 😂 but looking back you guys are saying it for a reason - primarily I’m guessing it’s used to help me heal (which I have basically done) but also it’s there to show her that I won’t always be there for her/make her realise what she’s missing

 

I was just reiterating the point she has a lot of pride, she missed me and didn’t even message me hahaha, it wasn’t there to discredit your argument at all

 

I appreciate your input a LOT, it’s very helpful 🖤