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I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?


stuka80
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Its totally fair to decide that you should not mix work and romance - but on the other hand -- did she think this was a romantic date? Or did she just consider it going out and it could be just friendly to show a coworker the local sites or there may be something there? I think based on the new information - a Korean intern that is going back home at some point - you could have gone out - but not made any romantic moves and just had a nice time out also. Being a coworker, i would not think that you would have been overt about romantic interest

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Its totally fair to decide that you should not mix work and romance - but on the other hand -- did she think this was a romantic date? Or did she just consider it going out and it could be just friendly to show a coworker the local sites or there may be something there? I think based on the new information - a Korean intern that is going back home at some point - you could have gone out - but not made any romantic moves and just had a nice time out also. Being a coworker, i would not think that you would have been overt about romantic interest

 

You're right i was being overt because we were at work, I hinted without being too forward that we were going out not strictly as friends. I told her i wanted to get to know her more outside of work(she said the same thing) and during the times we talked in person i consciously brought it up as a date in a light hearted manner as to not make it awkward but to also make sure she understood. Unless she was completely dense im pretty sure she got the hint.

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So I just spent a while reading all your other threads because I couldn't figure out why you were so upset over this.

 

What I saw in your other threads and this thread is that you tend to over analyze all your interactions with women in particular. I am curious as to why?

 

When you speak to her let he down gently and tell her dating a coworker might not be a good idea.

 

As far as why she took so long to reply goes: It could have been anything and nothing to do with you but you made it all about you just like in most if not all of your other threads. I think this is something you should explore just to see if there is some improvement could be had.

 

Lost

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You're right i was being overt because we were at work, I hinted without being too forward that we were going out not strictly as friends. I told her i wanted to get to know her more outside of work(she said the same thing) and during the times we talked in person i consciously brought it up as a date in a light hearted manner as to not make it awkward but to also make sure she understood. Unless she was completely dense im pretty sure she got the hint.

 

In the future, you should consider going out is just going out. What it turns into is up to two people and the circumstances. You asked her out clearly on a date and then you let her down by saying "you don't date coworkers" that looks like you are a bit all over the place and its only what someone does when someone else catches their eye before the date. Or something said by the person turning down the asker. I went out on a "date" with someone - went to dinner and a movie. We both knew it wasn't the start of a relationship - it was just two former coworkers going on a "date". We were extremely mismatched, but we said 'why not?" It was dinner and a movie. We never went out again. and that was fine

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What I saw in your other threads and this thread is that you tend to over analyze all your interactions with women in particular. I am curious as to why?

 

I'm like this with people in general, not just women and i consider it a good thing. In my 20s i would get involved with people i shouldn't have gotten involved with and just generally led to things that were not good or just complete time wasters where i should've just walked away a long time ago. I would overlook alot of things that i shouldn't have overlooked just because it was fun. I would like to think i learned a thing or two and grew a bit wiser from those times about making sure i actually invest time and effort with people who are worth the effort to. As i mentioned, these days i've very little patience with people who i consider is wasting my time. Once i'm good with you, i can be very patient and understanding though.

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Here's an update;

 

I ended up seeing her at work today and talked about it with her. I explained the situation and how i got irritated that she suddenly stopped responding with no explanation when we were in the middle of planning something and that was why i decided i didn't want to spend anymore time on a date as it gave a really bad impression to me like she didn't care. I was explaining it in a calm, matter of fact kind of way, not being accusatory, emotional or angry. She was apologetic and told me that she was talking with her mom who's in S. Korea and then after she said she was just tired and went to bed. But had she just told me that right from the start at 7am we would've been good. Anyway she did seem really apologetic about it and the talk actually was very good, there was no awkwardness at all. it only even lasted about a min, then afterwards the conversation turned light hearted and we got along very well. She told me she still wanted to hang out with me during off work hours and that we could start again. I was good with that, so there you go, turned out ok in the end. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and reply.

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Excellent. When is the date?

She was apologetic and told me that she was talking with her mom who's in S. Korea and then after she said she was just tired and went to bed. She told me she still wanted to hang out with me during off work hours and that we could start again. I was good with that.
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Excellent. When is the date?

 

well right now with the craziness of the rioting going on in LA, its kind of on hold for now haha. we were originally going to go to a shooting range then go to my place for dinner and drinks but right now who knows.

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She's at the other end of the world. It's better for you to date a local woman.

 

i considered this of course. but i'm just going into this without getting too emotionally invested, its just dating for fun without getting too serious. then towards the end, if we both decide to make a clean break or pursue it further we'll take it from there, i'm leaving all options on the table.

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So there WAS a good explanation for her not responding. I understand your past has caused you be more critical but even you have to admit you have let the pendulum swing to far the other way.

 

Patience and understanding are excellent qualities to have but not to the point where you become a doormat.

 

Lost

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