Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I completely love my boyfriend. I’m extremely loyal and I’ve lived through a lot. I’m a disabled army veteran. I’m a Christian, but not a holy roller. I’ve been divorced almost 12 years. I met a “Christian man” with 3 incredible children. I do not have any children of my own and I’m, almost 40. I lived alone, got and paid through scholarships and hard work for my MBA. Never wanted to do online dating, but met a man a yr and a half ago, that I completely love and believed in. Waited a year to graduate, multiple trips... But ultimately moved multiple Stares for him. I’ve been here just over 6 months. He’s also prior military before my service (but he’s older). His ex he was officially with many years, he’s from a well to do family (I am not, but my family is honest and good). I moved here, his kids and I love each other and I pray and cry many nights for things to be better. I know no one here, except him and his predominate family. He says he loves me, sometimes he is sweet. He says I have trust issues.... Yes I was cheated on more than once over 12 Yrs ago. He is high profile, meaning civilian working for the DOD. Bottom line, he’s lied to me a bunch. He maintains he is a highly respected government official (and he is) with a very successful Christian family. I’ve covered bruises, more than a handful of times, the next day I hear it’s me. I do it to myself apparently. If he is angry he lies about me. If we are good,, it’s wonderful! He is lately so quick to be angry at me. Even in front of the kids, but he says it’s me, I don’t know how to shut up. He was on online dating our entire 1st yr dating.... Yes, I looked at his email when I moved in after he left it up, I wasn’t seeking it. I saw he was on the sites, a huge deal breaker for me which I explicitly told him well in advance, multiple times.... He had a female he broke up with me for, which he swears he never had sex with. I found the messages, she was basically a call girl. He was going to have her “sneak in for no strings attached fun, while his kids were with him sleeping”, not my opinion I screen shot the conversation, because I knew he’d not tell the truth. He accidentally text me at that time, meaning to text her. I caught it, but he said I was crazy at the time. When I saw the messages I backed up the timeline, perfect match. He came back, said he loved me. Now I’m here, love him and the kiddos! But I can’t trust him, there’s four other strange or straight up lies, he’s told me regarding women or exploitation of them. Swears that was a bad time, he loves me and he is trying, just cautious because his ex-ran up bills. BTW I showed him my exceptional credit, no bills, college (MBA) paid off, no debt, almost an 800 score. I didn’t come from anything but I have worked very hard. I have PTSD from serving, which gives me anxiety. He knows this,,, and it’s often thrown in my face during arguments. His ex is the complete opposite of me, tall, very tall (taller than him), extremely anorexic. I’m not, I’m curvy and not even 5’1”, but I’m not fat. The pressure to be thin is overwhelming! The females he’s talked to are like his ex, but he says I’m just jealous. He continues to say he loves me, and I love him, but he is distant and very short with me. He is angry if I talk about wanting to be engaged, before I moved here he was still kinda rude, but definitely more open. He threatens to break up with me all the time, for little things (example I asked about French fries in front of the kids, he made them go to their room and he yelled at me). But then he comes back and we are “happy”, he brags about me. He compliments me with the kids. He won’t make love to me facing me anymore, that’s very different.... He won’t talk, if I try to he’s angry. He says I need to trust him and he has never officially cheated on me. He says he wants us to work it out. But he’s so angry at the littlest things. I pray often. I care so much, I’m so invested now. I lost my job with COVID. I’m trying. There are moments of heaven and moments I feel so hurt and alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He says I have trust issues.... Bottom line, he’s lied to me a bunch... I’ve covered bruises, more than a handful of times, the next day I hear it’s me... If he is angry he lies about me... He is lately so quick to be angry at me... He was on online dating our entire 1st yr dating.... he says I’m just jealous... He threatens to break up with me all the time... He won’t make love to me facing me anymore... He won’t talk, if I try to he’s angry.

 

You completely love all this abuse??? You want to be engaged to such a horrible individual??? Oh my word. Get the heck out of there before you end up with more than just bruises. This man doesn't give a damn about you and he's gaslighting you like there's no tomorrow. He sees you as convenient to have around, but he doesn't love you, care for you or respect you. Saying these words means nothing when his actions don't match up at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You haven’t asked any questions so I assume you are simply venting?

 

Yes you moved to be with him, But you fail to accept any responsibility as to why you are there and still there??

 

You say you didn’t want to online date, but you did?

You moved to where he was. Did he force you? no!

 

You have no friends where you moved to. Why? Did you try? Did he not allow it?

 

You are still there. Why? Are you locked up in his basement?

 

The bottom line is that you have chosen to be where you are.

You can get out but you are choosing not to.

 

Ask yourself why? And why not?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's exactly why local dating is far better than what begins as LDRs. You really don't know a man until you are close inside his orbit. Sometimes people seek out LDRs because they have something to hide.

 

When you moved to his town, you should have gotten your own place for a minimum of a year to really get to know him before making the bigger leap into moving into his house. And because you moved in, you've gotten the poor children attached to you which is a shame for them.

 

You don't think highly of yourself to accept abuse. Move out. Get therapy or at minimum read books on how to boost your self esteem. Don't date until this is achieved, plus ditching your emotional baggage. Learn from your mistakes and date locally next time without making major decisions like moving in for a year or better, two. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He is an abusive, cheating, gaslighting, disgusting person. Don't you think you deserve better?

 

And really, your situation sounds incredibly dangerous to me. He gets angry with you on the smallest things and hurts you. He's exposing you to who knows what STDs. Staying in this relationship could literally cost your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Invested in what? Another beating?

What do you love? The rages? The beatings? Hiding bruises and pretending all is well? The lies? The gaslighting?

 

OP, God helps those who help themselves. Start by picking up the phone, calling an abuse hotline today and getting help to leave this psychopath. Yes, pillars of the community, church leaders are much too often also wife beating lying cheating losers behind closed doors. People to actually stay away from rather than admire.

 

Call your friends and family and tell them the truth and ask for help to get out and get out. Also, get counseling please. When you are getting beaten and still proclaim but "I looooove him" you need to get your head screwed on straight. The only thing you are invested in is a dream. Your reality is a life threatening nightmare and it's only going to get worse if you don't get out. Next stop hospital ER with broken bones, next time after that it will be the morgue. Wake up already before it's too late for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't fall for his medals and stars. This person is no good for you and you know it. Tackle your financial independence first. It can seem insurmountable but you can do it if you find the will. Find the strength and the will to go on without the abuse.

 

People will come at you in life in all kinds of shapes, colours, sizes and adorned with anything from titles to money. I think you've been awestruck by his military career. He is a man like any other man and nothing more. Keep your chin up and get out of this situation.

 

I think the separation and the emotional/psychological distancing should happen now. Start planning a new route for yourself and move back home if you have to or temporarily live with a family member or friend you trust. Get back on your feet and don't keep wrapping yourself up in cages. You're sabotaging your own future. Move out and move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He is physically and emotionally abusive, a liar, manipulative, and a cheater. This guy is really the bottom of the barrel as far as a bf goes.

 

Call an abuse hotline, move back home and seek a therapist. This guy is really dangerous!

 

Why have you stayed?? You should have left after you caught him cheating, and now he id beating you.

 

You want to marry this guy? Why exactly do you love about him? He has cheated throughout and beats you.

 

Get tested for STIs and leave.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's a good "Christian man" who beats you and leaves bruises. What more could you ask for?

 

Seriously, ask yourself why you choose to stay with a low life like this one. When it comes to physical abuse, as they say if he'll hit you once, he'll hit you again. in short don't think you're the exception to the rule...you're not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please, please PLEASE get away from this selfish, narcissistic, manipulative, disrespectful and totally abusive cheater ASAP. He sounds like a sociopath. Talk to a close family member or a close friend. Please call the abuse hotline. You should never ever subject yourself to his horrific treatment. I don't care how many medals he has. That's not love, dear OP. Surely, deep down inside your heart you know this to be true.

 

You say you're vested? Come on, OP, let's get real. I was dumped after 29 years of marriage. Guess you could say I was vested too, but situations change in life. I'm doing just fine. Granted, I am so sorry that you've lost your job with COVID. You have lots of company in that regard. Many of us are going through a rough time, financially and otherwise. Remember one thing though: YOU, and you alone, are responsible for your happiness. Why on God's green earth are you putting up with all this abuse? Don't allow yourself to be in this toxic relationship. He doesn't give a rat's a** about you! Wake up and do something about it before it's too late...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...