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Rolypoly22
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I'm divorced for about 1 year and have a 3yo daughter. I started dating this guy for 1 month and things were going great. He knew about my past. But sometimes he wanted to relocate and telling me things might not workout. Recently he told me that he was not comfortable with my past and that he doesn't want any complications. But after this talk we ended up seeing each other again and things were great again. Then 5 days ago he got upset at me of having a guy's penis pic in my phone and i

Tried to explain to him it was nothing, just a joke my friend send. He also said that i've been giving him signals that i wanted a quick hook up and i'm not what he was looking g for. I know he gets stressed out easily from works. We haven't talked for 5 days now. Not sure if he's stressed out from his work again or he's still doesn't fully understand my expectations from this relationship or he really wants to end it. Should i reach out to him?

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No, don't reach out. If he had a fit, he can come to you when he feels better. His work stress is not your problem. Start drawing some boundaries.

 

He seems unreliable and hot/cold. Get to know each other and keep your distance until the dust settles and you know him a bit more.

 

If he has trust issues this early also it's not a good sign. Take it as a big sign that he isn't able to overlook jokes and random misc things. If you have a track record of being with controlling men, now's a good time to check if you're still dating the same patterns.

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At some level you know he is screaming casual sex and has one, if not both feet out the door. If you are up for hookups, fine but he is not relationship material.

he wanted to relocate and telling me things might not workout.

he told me that he was not comfortable with my past and that he doesn't want any complications.

He also said that i've been giving him signals that i wanted a quick hook up and i'm not what he was looking g for.

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He doesn't want complications/issues with my past. But then later on he told me he was ok with it. So maybe he's confused too?

 

What complications or issues are there with your past? How does he feel about your present situation as a single mom?

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Big of him to accept that you have been married and have a kid. Is this really a worthwhile human being or should you raise your standards? He is acting like you are inferior for having had a life and a CHILD before he turned up. You need someone who sees you as valuable as you are and not like he is doing you a favor by dating you because you are something used.

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No complications actually. We ended on great terms. I think what he meant was he wished that i wasn't married or has kid. But later on he said he would accept it

 

I think you want someone who is very, very positive about you having a child. Otherwise it's not fair to the child.

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All this on/off hot/cold drama and already arguments and upset and you've barely known each other a month? OP - this is your flashing neon sign to give this guy the proverbial boot. Thanks, but no thanks. Do not waste your time with these kinds of wishy washy men.

 

He isn't nice and if he doesn't know what he wants? That's a really good reason to show him the door. Not your job to soothe him or convince him that you are worthwhile. Look for a man who already sees you as worthwhile and who is 100% positive about dating a single mom. This dude is not it and that's that. Nothing so special about him that you need to be hanging on to him This is him putting his best foot forward.....it's only down hill from here on out, so how much lower do you want to stoop?

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I think you want someone who is very, very positive about you having a child. Otherwise it's not fair to the child.

 

Agreed.

 

It should not be something someone learns to "accept," but something someone naturally embraces. Someone who has to work to "accept" it? Well, that's someone who is not for you.

 

Perhaps you needed this brief experience to focus the compass a bit and find someone who is excited about all you bring to the table, in terms of past experiences and your present life as a mother, rather than threatened?

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This guy has no confidence, is back and forth about you and not stable enough to even have him be in a child's life. You can do way better than this. Just because you got a little bit of "things were great" still not worth the investment.

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Honestly, if my guy had a picture of lady parts on his phone an said"it was a joke", if i were only dating him for four weeks, i would have been gone. I would want a guy who would have good boundaries - its okay if he dated before me - of course. I don't care if he has his prom photo where he went with an ex he dated for years. But what is more telling - the fact that he has the kind of boundaryless friendships where women sext him or the fact that he keeps it?

 

Its not you having a kid -- i think he assumes you are entertaining inappropriate attention for other men -- saying its a joke sounds pretty lame.

 

And its OKAY if he doesn't want to date a woman with a kid -- but i think its not the fact that you have a kid -- when he says "complications" - i don't think the baggage is the kid. its more than that. A child is your present . this "my past" that you talked about sounds bigger than that. At 4 weeks, you should be having fun, going on dates, etc...not unloading baggage

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I have a different take. It's only been one month. At that stage work on keeping your privacy a bit more and don't let someone on your phone. I think he's overreacting. Even if he doesn't like it all he has to do is let you know it hurt him to see that. There's no need for any other issues especially if you both enjoy each others' company. I think anything more after 4 weeks of dating is a bit controlling and over the top. So what if your friends send you raunchy or dumb jokes. He might not get the humour but you do. If he doesn't understand it, so be it. Both of you aren't on the same wavelength. I have a real sh*t sense of humour myself (usually pretty dark) and not everyone gets it. If you are, on the other hand, inviting sexy pics from other men, that's really on you and whether you're in the right mind frame to date in the first place.

 

The bigger issue to me are those hot/cold comments about you being a single mum.

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He sounds to me like he may even be seeing more than just you? Seems awfully hot and cold. That is never a good sign at the start. I've always said the first six months to a year of a relationship should be the absolute BEST ones, all gah gah in love and having the best sex you will ever have with them and wanting to be together so much your friends cant stand to be near you because your happiness is almost sickening. This doesn't sound anything like that. And really...upset about a pick? This guy may have mummy issues. But what ever his issues are, just let him chase you and explain his behavior. You shouldn't have to feel so confused and hurt so early on and he owes you an explanation. I wish you luck, give us an update!

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