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Broke my own heart again.


StokeCity1

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I put a post about my ex and how I started NC. She contacted me that night asking if I was okay and we started to talk again, then she started to ignore me while being online.. so I blocked her again and then rang her the next day asking why she treats me so badly, she says she doesn't.. then said she will message me later, she did so and we had another conversation.. to where I tried ring her but she was on the phone for 2 hours at 12am..

She then rang my friend and told my friend to remember that I broke up with her, so my friend said you need to block her because she isn't strong enough so my ex replied I will speak to her tomorrow..

I recieved no message but I knew she wasn't very well, so I rang her asking if she is okay, she said she isn't well but will call me later.. I messaged her later on because I noticed she was online and asked if she needed anything, she blatantly ignored me so I got pissed off and blocked her again.. she messaged me on instagram and said that she isn't well but baring in mind her house mate sent me a snapchat of them drinking 🥺.. so I didnt reply at all, then today I noticed after 4 months of not posting a picture on Instagram, she posts a new picture.. this evening I went the shop and she saw me but completely blanked me.. so I messaged her tonight and said that I miss her and can she ring me, I tried to call her and she said, I'm at work I'll ring when I can.. I replied look, have I done something, she turned around and said she can't do the arguing anymore, so I said okay, I miss you as a friend and just tell me what you want me to do, whether you want to talk or not I'll respect your decision. I just can't for the life of me, understand why she hasn't blocked me but ignores me and only speaks to me now and then, I'm waiting on a reply and she's online now but hasn't seen my message.. my heart is breaking and I dont know what to do

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Oh come on! How old are you? The point of No Contact is to be No Contact! Stop texting and contacting her. Block and delete her and get her off your social media. You will never get over her until you do this. You are hurting yourself immeasurably and indirectly, her as well.

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What you do is you put some distance between yourself and your ex and stop depending on her to make you feel good. She's not your go-to person anymore. If you're hurt, you're going to have to scream in a pillow or cry it out and process things on your own. She's not your crutch anymore.

 

Create some distance and space and start fixing the broken parts of you on your own. Nobody can help you do that. People think that by having their exes back or their loved ones back from the past that having them again solves things or fixes the hurt inside. It doesn't. What it does is it creates more questions between the both of you just like you discovered yourself. She's there but she's not quite there. When there's that much damage, take a time out and go over things on your own.

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my heart is breaking and I dont know what to do

 

Well, you do know what to do. You just don't want to.

 

That would be to really go No Contact with her. Until you do it (or until she starts dating someone and stops coming to you for attention) you'll stay stuck in this heartbreak and misery. Easier said than done, I realize, but you're your own worst enemy here.

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So basically what you are saying is that you want her to block you , because it’s YOU that isn’t strong enough to let go? Right?

As i said on your last thread she doesn’t care enough to block you.

Likewise she doesn’t care enough to not message at times or to message you other times.

To repeat myself , she just doesn’t care.

 

But you are checking her online status constantly and getting pissed off when you start to realise she doesn’t care but then contact her to try and find out if maybe , just maybe she does.

 

She simply doesn’t.

 

I’m sorry , but you need to realise this.

It was a short 16 week relationship , the first part of that was dating so really only an 8-10 week attempt at a relationship that didn’t work out.

 

Instead of blocking her for the umpteenth time, block AND delete and stop this cycle that only hurts you and no one else?

 

Look after yourself!

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You broke up with her. I'm not sure why you still expect her to reply to every one of your messages. Even a friend doesn't have this much responsibility let alone an ex.

 

You decided you didn't want her in your life anymore. Why demand to know what she wants you to do now as if she has all the power?

 

Stop using the block/unblock as a punishment or a way to get her attention. It won't work.

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Oh come on! How old are you? The point of No Contact is to be No Contact! Stop texting and contacting her. Block and delete her and get her off your social media. You will never get over her until you do this. You are hurting yourself immeasurably and indirectly, her as well.

 

Yeah I know this and doubt she is hurting.

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You broke up with her. I'm not sure why you still expect her to reply to every one of your messages. Even a friend doesn't have this much responsibility let alone an ex.

 

You decided you didn't want her in your life anymore. Why demand to know what she wants you to do now as if she has all the power?

 

Stop using the block/unblock as a punishment or a way to get her attention. It won't work.

 

I told her the other day that I didn't want to talk and she respected my choice but then messaged me that night asking if I was alright then ignored me!

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So basically what you are saying is that you want her to block you , because it’s YOU that isn’t strong enough to let go? Right?

As i said on your last thread she doesn’t care enough to block you.

Likewise she doesn’t care enough to not message at times or to message you other times.

To repeat myself , she just doesn’t care.

 

But you are checking her online status constantly and getting pissed off when you start to realise she doesn’t care but then contact her to try and find out if maybe , just maybe she does.

 

She simply doesn’t.

 

I’m sorry , but you need to realise this.

It was a short 16 week relationship , the first part of that was dating so really only an 8-10 week attempt at a relationship that didn’t work out.

 

Instead of blocking her for the umpteenth time, block AND delete and stop this cycle that only hurts you and no one else?

 

Look after yourself!

 

You're right but I just feel so lost and depressed. She made me incredibly happy after what my ex did but I think that's all we were meant to be, help each other through what our exes did..

Like I say, I did block her but she found a way to message me asking if I was okay and then ignored me alot again.. but when I block she always says, I was poorly etc

But she says she's not been speaking to me because I always make her feel like a bad person, that isn't the case, she knows I hate being ignored but she starts up a conversation half the time.

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I told her the other day that I didn't want to talk and she respected my choice but then messaged me that night asking if I was alright then ignored me!

 

What do you mean by her "ignoring" you? If you get this distressed whenever she doesn't reply to a message within 30 minutes, you might be better off working on your anxiety and direct your attention elsewhere rather than blocking/unblocking and getting back into contact to question why she is ignoring you. You and she are no longer an item and people have their own lives. I might be on and off in talking with a friend where some messages can be replied days later and we pick up where we left off. If the topic is not urgent nobody gets upset over such thing.

 

You said you didn't want to talk so why are you still talking to her? You can ignore her messages too.

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What do you mean by her "ignoring" you? If you get this distressed whenever she doesn't reply to a message within 30 minutes, you might be better off working on your anxiety and direct your attention elsewhere rather than blocking/unblocking and getting back into contact to question why she is ignoring you. You and she are no longer an item and people have their own lives. I might be on and off in talking with a friend where some messages can be replied days later and we pick up where we left off. If the topic is not urgent nobody gets upset over such thing.

 

You said you didn't want to talk so why are you still talking to her? You can ignore her messages too.

 

So, she messaged me with "hope you're okay crying emoji" after I said we need to be apart so we aren't hurting each other by sleeping with another which she replied, "I respect your choice"..

So I replied to her hope you're okay.. and again, noticed she was online and not even bothering to look at my message, she only seems to give me attention is when I block her and even then it's to tell me she isn't very well or something. And I was talking to her because I felt rude not replying to her message

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So, she messaged me with "hope you're okay crying emoji" after I said we need to be apart so we aren't hurting each other by sleeping with another which she replied, "I respect your choice"..

So I replied to her hope you're okay.. and again, noticed she was online and not even bothering to look at my message, she only seems to give me attention is when I block her and even then it's to tell me she isn't very well or something. And I was talking to her because I felt rude not replying to her message

 

So you know she doesn't care if she comes across as being rude to you. Or she simply doesn't feel a need to respond (I feel the same way sometimes when a simple question got answered or the conversation is naturally coming to an end). Someone has to end the conversation at some point.

 

Basically if the only reason I reply to someone's messages is not wanting to be rude, it wouldn't bother me if they don't reply back. If you feel this annoyed by her not replying, it seems like you are still holding some expectations or wanting to talk to her. I don't typically recommend "block+delete" but if you can't bring yourself to ignore her messages or not be disturbed by them, maybe that's the best way to move on.

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So you know she doesn't care if she comes across as being rude to you. Or she simply doesn't feel a need to respond (I feel the same way sometimes when a simple question got answered or the conversation is naturally coming to an end). Someone has to end the conversation at some point.

 

Basically if the only reason I reply to someone's messages is not wanting to be rude, it wouldn't bother me if they don't reply back. If you feel this annoyed by her not replying, it seems like you are still holding some expectations or wanting to talk to her. I don't typically recommend "block+delete" but if you can't bring yourself to ignore her messages or not be disturbed by them, maybe that's the best way to move on.

 

It seems she only messages me when it's convienent, I really want to reach out to her now to see if she's okay but there's no point. I miss her a lot.

This is from a girl who's usually quite needy with me even as friends she would be constantly messaging me and now it's just stopped. We spoke last night and she said that she is hesitant to speak to me because I make her feel like a bad person.

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It seems she only messages me when it's convienent, I really want to reach out to her now to see if she's okay but there's no point. I miss her a lot.

This is from a girl who's usually quite needy with me even as friends she would be constantly messaging me and now it's just stopped. We spoke last night and she said that she is hesitant to speak to me because I make her feel like a bad person.

 

I'm sorry but this is such a goofy immature game you are playing. She is OK about what? You do realize she is an adult capable of taking care of herself and her own life, right? Are you ok is a stupid and pointless question to be asking over and over and there is no real answer to it other than "fine, thanks." Like what are you doing to yourself? Stop. Just stop. You are both playing this same stupid game of pinging each other with pointless questions and remarks and for what? All you are doing is keeping yourself stuck in drama. Block, delete, be done.

 

Give yourself an actual chance to heal and move on. This is beyond ridiculous, all this pretense and games you are both playing. It's literally whose d is bigger and who can guilt trip the other one how and one upping each other. Toxic doesn't even begin to define this. Get your head screwed on straight and get off this already and get over yourself. You don't have that much power over anyone and she is literally playing with your ego, pulling strings and punishing you for dumping her. What a pal.... Block and delete and stop fooling yourself. Are you OK...my arse.....

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I'm sorry but this is such a goofy immature game you are playing. She is OK about what? You do realize she is an adult capable of taking care of herself and her own life, right? Are you ok is a stupid and pointless question to be asking over and over and there is no real answer to it other than "fine, thanks." Like what are you doing to yourself? Stop. Just stop. You are both playing this same stupid game of pinging each other with pointless questions and remarks and for what? All you are doing is keeping yourself stuck in drama. Block, delete, be done.

 

I agree, DF.

 

This has got to stop, OP. "Are you okay?" is just a thinly-veiled "Please pay attention to me"-message. It needs to end.

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It seems she only messages me when it's convienent, I really want to reach out to her now to see if she's okay but there's no point .

 

That’s a lie.

You are not wanting to see if she is ok.

You are wanting to see if she cares.

Your intent to message is not selfless.

 

Block and delete her from every platform so that you won’t message her , and so you won’t be waiting and hoping she messages you.

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I'm sorry but this is such a goofy immature game you are playing. She is OK about what? You do realize she is an adult capable of taking care of herself and her own life, right? Are you ok is a stupid and pointless question to be asking over and over and there is no real answer to it other than "fine, thanks." Like what are you doing to yourself? Stop. Just stop. You are both playing this same stupid game of pinging each other with pointless questions and remarks and for what? All you are doing is keeping yourself stuck in drama. Block, delete, be done.

 

Give yourself an actual chance to heal and move on. This is beyond ridiculous, all this pretense and games you are both playing. It's literally whose d is bigger and who can guilt trip the other one how and one upping each other. Toxic doesn't even begin to define this. Get your head screwed on straight and get off this already and get over yourself. You don't have that much power over anyone and she is literally playing with your ego, pulling strings and punishing you for dumping her. What a pal.... Block and delete and stop fooling yourself. Are you OK...my arse.....

 

Dancing fool gives some of the best advice on this forum. It may be presented in a blunt way but it's all true. I had several issues and the advice given by them really resonated. Sometimes I didn't want to hear it but once I read it and actioned it. It worked.

Take the advice posted and use it!

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its simple why do you want to be in contact when you want to go no contact? why do you care so much about what she thinks or whether she respects your wishes?

You need to concentrate on your life now, let her do whatever she feels like, for your own well being cut her off completely from life.

No social media - facebook instagram snapchat etc , no whatsapp , phone calls, sms block everywhere.

Try that for one week then continue for another, you will feel little better i can bet someday you will feel all the power coming back to you but for that you need to stay away.

Any contact now will just screw your head and heart so much that one day you will feel that you should not have contacted at all.

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