Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I posted a thread a while ago about how the guy I had been seeing and I were taking space. We ended up breaking things off, but we both agreed we could see the other as a friend in time (it honestly didn't feel like the cliché "we can still be friends" talk I've had plenty of times, it was genuine and mutual and somewhat hopeful). I know I personally need some time to mourn the loss of the relationship, but is it possible to really be friends with an "ex"?

Link to post
Share on other sites

yes. but it takes time and after you've both moved on. the other condition, I think, is required, is mutual friends or a reason to have to interact with each other. Maybe school, work, kids...

 

Usually once you are able to be friends, you don't want to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would never date a guy who remained in contact with an ex. Just know that your dating pool will be a lot smaller, and limited to those guys who are okay with you communicating with and hanging out with an ex. Even if you found a guy okay with this, your ex will eventually find a significant other who might not be okay with him being buddies with an ex, and he might drop you like a hot potato.

 

Male/female friendships have a different dynamic, and adding in an ex factor, and it makes everything so much more complicated. I've never felt the need to stay in contact with exes and would find it to be harmful to the relationship I have with my husband. Other people might be a lot more free spirited and have that comfort level, but I and my spouse don't.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It couldn't have been that casual for you if you need time to morn the loss of the relationship. He was losing interest when you wanted things to get more serious. I would say no because you will always have feelings for this guy.

 

Try this....if he found himself a hot GF he was head over heels for this Friday, could you be friends? Would you be able to not feel jealousy? I arrest my case.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Perhaps I should clarify: we weren't really serious, it was casual and we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. Basically felt like we already were heading in the direction of just being friends.

 

It was so casual that you can't let go? Don't kid yourself and no, don't try to hang on and stay "friends". As another poster already pointed out, it will limit your dating pool by a lot and it will keep you stuck as you compare new dates to this guy and pine, even if you don't want to admit you are pining. So many cool and interesting people on this planet, there is literally zero reason to keep ex's around.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some exes can be friends, yes. Do I personally know very many who actually are? No, can't say I do.

 

I hear some people say they're friends with an ex, only to later realize they didn't mean they're good buddies who hang out, but rather than they're friendly when they happen to see each other. Others are indeed friends but the only ones I know who successfully manage a friendship are those who have long since moved on from the relationship and are with (or have been with) other people.

 

You're not ready to really be friends until you're ready to meet an ex's new partner and have little-if-any emotional reaction.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, but since the 'space' agreement was made, do not contact him. After all talking as "friends" is why he wanted space...it devolved into arguing and feeling hurt..

 

When the casual dating part fell through due to confinement, the talking part was too much for him to sustain. Do not reach out..

it was casual and we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. Basically felt like we already were heading in the direction of just being friends.
Link to post
Share on other sites

I probably would have remained friends with at least two or three of them if life didn't go on the way that it has. They have all married too and have their own lives. One is still single and contacted me recently. Very good friend for years after the relationship ended. Declined meeting or keeping in contact though. I wouldn't think it's fair to anyone to keep hanging onto an old friendship that has both waxed and waned with time. It's not personal, just a matter of moving on with time.

 

Do I miss the friendship? Sometimes. Or the person themselves? Or wish we had more time? Yes, sometimes. But I traded all that in when I got married and I don't regret it at all. What I got back in return was the total package deal and the thing I'd been searching for but only returned in fragments with others. They're good memories and good people and I hope they are all living good lives out there.

 

You're probably wondering when it'll ever end. It'll end when you want it to end and when you've had enough and are ready for a fresh start with someone new. If you're fed up of the same patterns, you'll change. You'll likely go through some transformation and probably revise everything you've wanted in a partner and learn to appreciate yourself more too because your type of guy will change and your eyes will notice people you might not have noticed before. If you give yourself the opportunity to grow, you probably will. Give yourself time and the chance to do that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

On reading your previous thread , you were just fwb’s.

 

With social distancing , the benefits weren’t there and so the friends with benefits isn’t either.

 

He is interested in the benefits part , not the friendship part. Without the benefits , there is no friendship.

 

So no is my answer. He has friends during this time. As I assume you do.

Why do you want another “friend” who does not amount to a friend wrt communication and respect?

 

Once social distancing is over , he will contact you! For the benefit without even the effort of being a friend.

Will you be ok with being a booty call?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...