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ashl99

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I posted a while ago about an ex and how I was struggling to move forward because he had so quickly. I thought I was doing well but today it is his birthday and a lot of emotions got brought up and I realised I have really bad self esteem. I also self sabotage - if I feel happy for a few days I feel like I shouldn’t feel it and do something to make me sad. My question is, how to improve my self esteem? I do all the exercising and try to keep occupied but I just don’t know anymore.

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Nothing psychical, I either look at my ex’s social media or think bad things about myself. It’s beyond stupid that I do it, I guess because I’ve never really been 100% happy it feels weird to feel it.

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Hey,

I do this sometimes too. I find myself looking through old messages or trying to piece together things she said to me in order to find some kind of answer, that ultimately never comes.

What I have found is that randomly it just stops sometimes, and on those times you instantly feel more positive. The next step is progressing that moment to continue.

It was my exs birthday a month back and I found it an odd day. I wanted to call her, text her etc but can't. The next day, my mind seemed to have just reset and I wasn't really thinking of her at all. This lasted a few days and admittedly right now I'm going through a weird patch again but I know I'm progressing, albeit slowly.

You will notice these moments come and go, eventually they dissappear for a little longer.

I would say create a list of a few things you want to achieve over next few weeks. It might be reading a certain book, it might be doing something educational online, it might be exercise, it might be phoning a friend or family member for a catch up. Structure these things into your day and give them sufficient time.

If you give them enough time, you'll notice that the time given to your ex will start to dilute and the self esteem will start to move upwards.

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I did the same thing. I kept sent him messages and emails for 4 months to beg and try to get him back even he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore. He wants to live his life in peace without me. There are many better fish in the ocean.....I tracked all emails I sent to him. I know he read all of them. Every single email sent to him, he read them but don’t answer. I don’t understand why and keep wondering about it. I know our love was so strong but he wanted to leave me. I have done everything I can and want to do to get him back. Now nothing else I can do expect accept the fact that everything has done between us. I spend time to listen to Buddhism and meditation, read others stories and I am getting better. I still think about him everything morning and at day time but don’t feel hurt so much as before. Now I am staying into NC for 1 month so far.

I think, maybe it will help you to stay calm and control your feeling when listening to Buddhism. They teach how to think mindful and find peace in our soul. Nothing else you can do just respect what he wants and take time to heal yourself.

If you are hurt, talk to your friends. If you want to cry, do it. Do anything to release your hurt and make your feeling better. Don’t force yourself to go quick . This kind of hurt really takes time to work on.

I hope you are getting better !

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I would do volunteer work -you can't really do it in person right now for the most part but for example I volunteered to call elderly members of our place of worship who lived alone to see how they were doing during the lockdown and what they needed if anything. I had 5 conversations that were very interesting and I felt like I contributed something -will help you get out of your shell IMO.

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The virus makes things even worse, due to all of this isolation.

 

You need to start by blocking, deleting and unfriending. Stop stalking. I know it is hard, but it helps. Get out and take walks. Go with a friend. Get out of the house.

 

How was your social life before all of this happened? Do you have friends, or was you entire world wrapped up in him? What did you do in your free time before the pandemic?

 

 

One thing that fills my time is virtual ESL classes. This helps break the monotony during the weeknights. Have you had any Zoom happy hours? This is fun to do with friends.

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Nothing psychical, I either look at my ex’s social media or think bad things about myself. It’s beyond stupid that I do it, I guess because I’ve never really been 100% happy it feels weird to feel it.

 

This is something you must find the willpower to stop doing.

 

All the working out or discovering new hobbies are not going to amount to much (in terms of distracting yourself) if you give yourself access to his social media.

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I'm sorry you're struggling with this again right now. It's going to keep coming in waves--you'll take two steps forward, one step back, etc. But each step back will hurt less until one day it stops hurting at all. Hang in there! I've been where you are. I read this post recently on a blog I follow, about self-care in quarantine, that might help: https://bit.ly/2THOgoH

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