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Do I delete my ex and all our mutual FB friends?


Roadtoheal

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I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didn’t agree with, long story short I felt I wasn’t being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

 

Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

 

I don’t want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, it’s so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

 

I don’t know what to do in this situation.

 

Please help.

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I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didn’t agree with, long story short I felt I wasn’t being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

 

Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

 

I don’t want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, it’s so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

 

I don’t know what to do in this situation.

 

Please help.

 

He hasn’t deleted me...

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Yes, you are doing this for your health and well being, its for you. Your friends know how to reach you, if they ever call up tell them you are working on yourself, have taken up a job or further education so on a break :)

Just take care of yourself, your growth and your needs.

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It depends. There's no right or wrong - to delete or not to delete all the photos. It's also not necessary to do anything right now if you're feeling shaken by the break up.

 

I think the most helpful thing you can do (and this is just a suggestion) is to step away from the social media buzz and newsfeeds for awhile altogether. You may be a little too attached to social media and dependent on what others think of you or your profile. Give it a break for a few weeks and come back to it later.

 

Whenever I think about some faux pas I might be doing or feel embarrassed I laugh at myself and think about who else might have noticed. Well, if anyone else noticed and has the time to laugh at me, the joke's on them because they don't appear to have anything else better to do. If no one notices, who cares. I'm still laughing at myself and entertained. What your friends think of you will matter less and less the more you answer to yourself and do whatever you need to do to feel good again. Those who aren't your friends to begin with will weed themselves out. Such is life. Don't stress.

 

Take it easy and take care of yourself.

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Are the 50 mutual friends his friends you were introduced to?

Why do you care who his ex remains friends with?

It’s not a competition???

Or was it in your mind?

 

Do nothing. What would be your reason to unfriend them?

Decide later. Unless it bothers you? Does it? And if so why?

 

You do realise you can mute people? So they don’t show up on your feed etc?

 

50 sounds a ridiculous number?? How many of these 50 have you actually met? And who added who?

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An abuser may resort to using mutual friends to try to lure their victim back so they can abuse them again.

 

Think about what is most important...worrying about what others might think or say, or your own emotional and mental wellbeing.

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I would stay off socisl media altogether. I deleted my fb over 6 months ago. Best thing I ever did. I wasnt avoiding anyone.... Long story short, was being sucked into other people's petty drama and it was very upsetting to me.

 

I just decide, my actual in real life friends know my number and can reach me anytime. I didn't announce it. I just deleted it and the messenger app

 

It took me a few days, maybe a week to stop thinking to check my facebook. Now, I don't miss it. I did think about it, a few weeks ago, with the pandemic and all. Social media is a good resource, but I didn't reinstall the app or anything.

 

Life is so much more peaceful without it. If you dont want to delete it, just dont go on it for a while. Spare yourself.

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I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didn’t agree with, long story short I felt I wasn’t being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

 

Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

 

I don’t want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, it’s so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

 

I don’t know what to do in this situation.

 

Please help.

 

Very simple answer. If having the individual in your life causes you to have anxiety, then you delete them. There are no rules as to who you have to keep or who you have to delete. It doesn't matter if they have you on their list or haven't deleted any pictures. Right now its about your healing and your ability to move forward and turn the page and start a new chapter in your love life. So you can do a blanket mass deletion or you can go thru the list one by one and ask yourself if having that person would cause you anxiety. If they do, delete, if they don't, you can keep them.

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If they are actually friends of yours, ie people you like, people you get on with, then I wouldn't 'unfriend' them. I'm not a big social media person, but still if someone 'unfriends' me without explanation on Facebook, I do think this has some real life bearing and I would no longer consider them a friend. So I wouldn't needlessly cut ties / put yourself on bad terms with loads of people just because your relationship has ended.

 

The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.

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I'm not a big social media person, but still if someone 'unfriends' me without explanation on Facebook, I do think this has some real life bearing and I would no longer consider them a friend.

 

Just wanted to present a counterpoint and say that I've been unfriended when I was on social media and in my mind it didn't impact the person's status as my real-life friend.

 

Sometimes when people are going through stuff, they have to shut down on some levels.

 

Some people pulled away to lick their wounds.

 

Some people just needed space, or a break.

 

Some people liked to clean out their whole friends list and start a new account with their "real friends."

 

In one case, a guy's wife got paranoid and made him unfriend me!

 

Months later, I'd get a friend request again. That's the weirdness and unreality of social media.

 

The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.

 

But I agree that unfollow or mute is probably the best way to go.

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It's an interesting one, whether a Facebook 'unfriending' affects your thoughts on whether a person is really a friend. I guess maybe if I logged onto Facebook tonight and deleted 50 of my friends (who then notice I've unfriended them), 25 of them might see if my way (Ian probably doesn't like me) and 25 might see it your way (maybe Ian needs to lick his wounds etc etc). But even then, I'd have lost the friendship of 25 real life people! And I do think friends are really really important so, as I said in my last post, I wouldn't delete genuine friends (or even people you just have a nice chat with when you see them) just because a relationship has ended.

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Agree. I would delete and block him all His people from all social media, messaging apps, contact lists and devices but not your friends. However I would reset your privacy settings and limit your content when it comes to mutual friends. Untag stuff and remove any content, pics of him.

 

Unfriending is not as effective as deleting and blocking from all platforms and devices..And yes unfollow or do whatever you need to in order to prevent showing up in people's feeds.

If they are actually friends of yours, ie people you like, people you get on with, then I wouldn't 'unfriend' them. The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.
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It's an interesting one, whether a Facebook 'unfriending' affects your thoughts on whether a person is really a friend. I guess maybe if I logged onto Facebook tonight and deleted 50 of my friends (who then notice I've unfriended them), 25 of them might see if my way (Ian probably doesn't like me) and 25 might see it your way (maybe Ian needs to lick his wounds etc etc). But even then, I'd have lost the friendship of 25 real life people! And I do think friends are really really important so, as I said in my last post, I wouldn't delete genuine friends (or even people you just have a nice chat with when you see them) just because a relationship has ended.

 

I just don't see facebook (or social media) as having anything to do with actual friendship. I closed down my fb account seven years ago, basically 'unfriending' everyone. I don't have any social media now, excepting LinkedIN. But my friends are still my friends.

 

I do understand that people may construe a facebook de-friending as an actual removal of friendship, which is why I might go the mute/unfollow route.

 

But now that I've said that, I actually deactivated my account once as the result of a break up. Everything reminded me of the guy and I just needed a rest for about a month. It really helped me, actually.

 

When I got back online, nobody seemed to have taken any offense.

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I actually deactivated my account once

 

When I got back online, nobody seemed to have taken any offense.

 

I'd agree, I wouldn't expect anyone to. An account deactivation is just seen as 'need a break from Facebook'. It's nothing against anyone in particular.

 

An account deactivation and being individually blocked / unfriended are very different things in how many people will perceive them.

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I almost never even notice when someone "unfriends" me on Facebook. I only notice that my friend count is lower but darned if I can figure out who it is.

 

And if someone does and I figure it out I never think "Well, that's it! I'm never speaking to Unfriender ever again!" I figure there's a reason and leave it at that.

 

I am older, however, and Facebook has little importance to me.

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An account deactivation and being individually blocked / unfriended are very different things in how many people will perceive them.

 

Yeah, but they didn't necessarily know that.

 

I almost never even notice when someone "unfriends" me on Facebook. I only notice that my friend count is lower but darned if I can figure out who it is.

 

And if someone does and I figure it out I never think "Well, that's it! I'm never speaking to Unfriender ever again!" I figure there's a reason and leave it at that.

 

Yeah, same.

 

I am older, however, and Facebook has little importance to me.

 

Similar here. I didn't join facebook until 2009, when I was 32. So, it had no impact on my formative years or my way of life.

 

I'm sure my perspective would be different if I'd joined when I was in my teens or 20s.

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if we just step back for a while from social media we will realize world still functions the way it is.

i just spoke to a friend of mine after a week we spoke like hours, we used to generally meet up on weekends but corona has changed everything. We are not connected on facebook, i have not opened facebook for months now.

Relationships, friendships that you value and those who value you , both will make an effort to be there in your life.

You leave social media life still goes on take a break its your life

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I am in similar circumstances and I deactivated my Facebook until I could decide what I wanted to do. Today after 5 days of no contact I decided to remove myself from the watsapp group chats. One with his sister and her boyfriend and one with him and his friends. They hadn't been active but seeing them just irked me. I'm now extremely anxious about it, as sadly I forgot it announces you left 🙄

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