Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 116
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

You do come across defensive and you feel like everyone is antagonizing you. But I've followed this thread and the only one that seems to be antagonizing is you. And other's have pointed out the support and agreement you've received as well.

 

So I wonder, OP, what is it you want to hear?

 

Or is this just something to do because you are bored? You know, keep the thread going.... There's a lot of effort here for a new friend, that you're not interested in romantically.

 

I am not being antagonizing. I may well appear defensive but that is only because i posted about something and initially got negative responses to something different. Yes i have since had responses to my initial question and i have stated somewhere previously that i accepted those answers. Or atleast i thought i did. But since then i have still had negative posts about me and the situation that even when i have tried to explain has been misunderstood. I have been treated as though i am a child for the most part and it is very frustrating when trying to get my point across all i get is spoken to like i am an idiot

Link to post
Share on other sites
I meant he already knows the information

 

He knows about all the resources available? Great then he is well supported and you can remind him you're happy to support him in finding even more resources - then he will know he is not alone which is what your question was ...... right?? Because I doubt that it is otherwise you wouldn't be this defensive. Just musing....

Link to post
Share on other sites
He knows about all the resources available? Great then he is well supported and you can remind him you're happy to support him in finding even more resources - then he will know he is not alone which is what your question was ...... right?? Because I doubt that it is otherwise you wouldn't be this defensive. Just musing....

 

This is exactly what i mean 🤦♀️

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is what my question was yes. But even in answering the question that i originally asked it is still in disbelief. Everyone seems to think there must be some kind of hidden agenda or something and doesnt seem to believe me when i say otherwise and try and clarify.

Link to post
Share on other sites
That is what my question was yes. But even in answering the question that i originally asked it is still in disbelief. Everyone seems to think there must be some kind of hidden agenda or something and doesnt seem to believe me when i say otherwise and try and clarify.

 

What you've written and your responses strongly suggest that there is a lot more going on here than your original question. For one thing I think you're playing with fire a bit if he's being flirtatious and has mental health issues and you have no interest in a potential romantic involvement.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What you've written and your responses strongly suggest that there is a lot more going on here than your original question. For one thing I think you're playing with fire a bit if he's being flirtatious and has mental health issues and you have no interest in a potential romantic involvement.

 

I dont appear to be able to win either way. First im wrong because everyone thinks i want some kind of romantic involvement, now im wrong for not wanting that. Just because he flirts and wants to meet doesnt mean he is looking for anything to come of it. He could just be a flirty kind of guy

Link to post
Share on other sites
I dont appear to be able to win either way. First im wrong because everyone thinks i want some kind of romantic involvement, now im wrong for not wanting that. Just because he flirts and wants to meet doesnt mean he is looking for anything to come of it. He could just be a flirty kind of guy

 

Well no -that's your interpretation of what I wrote -that's not what I wrote. I never said you were "wrong" -I think you need to reevaluate your motives and your choices and reactions. I would assume that someone who is flirty and wants to meet in person has an interest in a potential romantic involvement. And if the person has mental health issues -and was suicidal in the last few years- it's crucial you are 100% clear with what you want and do not want should you choose to meet him in person. You say you want to support him - so I gave you my suggestion about being supportive with mental health resources and if you truly want to support him - and show that you care about a near stranger - do NOT engage in flirtatious behavior or agree to plan to meet unless you are looking to potentially date him. If he didn't have mental health issues I would not write this as strongly.

 

You're not wrong for not wanting a romantic involvement -that's just silly. If you choose to meet someone who has mental health issues and was suicidal and is flirting with you and you have no intention at all of dating him you need to tell him that very simply and clearly and directly before meeting. Then if he still wants to meet ,fine. And if he continues to flirt or try to persist in winning you over in that way you either have to repeat your boundaries or cancel the meeting.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Well no -that's your interpretation of what I wrote -that's not what I wrote. I never said you were "wrong" -I think you need to reevaluate your motives and your choices and reactions. I would assume that someone who is flirty and wants to meet in person has an interest in a potential romantic involvement. And if the person has mental health issues -and was suicidal in the last few years- it's crucial you are 100% clear with what you want and do not want should you choose to meet him in person. You say you want to support him - so I gave you my suggestion about being supportive with mental health resources and if you truly want to support him - and show that you care about a near stranger - do NOT engage in flirtatious behavior or agree to plan to meet unless you are looking to potentially date him. If he didn't have mental health issues I would not write this as strongly.

 

You're not wrong for not wanting a romantic involvement -that's just silly. If you choose to meet someone who has mental health issues and was suicidal and is flirting with you and you have no intention at all of dating him you need to tell him that very simply and clearly and directly before meeting. Then if he still wants to meet ,fine. And if he continues to flirt or try to persist in winning you over in that way you either have to repeat your boundaries or cancel the meeting.

 

Ok. But i cant tell him for 100% sure that i have no interest, at the moment no i dont have any interest in dating or anything like that, i do not know him, but thats not to say that after meeting and getting to know him more that things might not change. As with anyone meeting someone new.

 

How can he have an interest in a potential romantic involvement when he doesnt even know me? Maybe hes just like all young guys and is just looking to hook up. Maybe he just generally has a flirty nature. I dont know, i dont know him well enough to find these things out

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ok. But i cant tell him for 100% sure that i have no interest, at the moment no i dont have any interest in dating or anything like that, i do not know him, but thats not to say that after meeting and getting to know him more that things might not change. As with anyone meeting someone new.

 

How can he have an interest in a potential romantic involvement when he doesnt even know me? Maybe hes just like all young guys and is just looking to hook up. Maybe he just generally has a flirty nature. I dont know, i dont know him well enough to find these things out

 

Be clear on the purpose of meeting in person. Ask him why he wants to meet. Tell him what you wrote here - you are not sure you are looking for anything potentially romantic.

Every single guy I met through a dating site had an interest in a potential romantic involvement despite not knowing me. Same on my end. A general goal of that - whether or not that happened when we met was anyone's guess. But if someone knew I was meeting to see if there was romantic potential and he knew he wasn't interested or only slightly then he would be wasting my time unless he was direct about that before I took the time to meet. I realize this is not through a dating site but if he is flirting with you and sending photos and wants to meet please know that he wants to see if there could be something romantic in person. If that is not your clear goal or if you're more of an "well if it happens it happens" then please let him know that especially since he is mentally unstable.

 

Not all young guys want to hook up. Not all young girls want to hook up. People are individuals. Before you meet in person ask him in a simple direct way what his intentions are. You claim to want to get super personal with him about how you can help him not feel alone but you also seem to shy away from wanting to ask him his intentions in planning to meet you in person?

Link to post
Share on other sites
But even in answering the question that i originally asked it is still in disbelief. Everyone seems to think there must be some kind of hidden agenda or something and doesnt seem to believe me when i say otherwise and try and clarify.

 

I think that's because if you were truly impartial, you wouldn't have asked at all.

 

Simply asking "how can I show him that I am there for him" reveals a certain amount of anxiety (and thus over-investment). You needed reassurance that he was reassured.

 

Also, if you suspect that he has mental health issues, then this cannot simultaneously be an opportunity for you to scout potential future relationships:

 

But i cant tell him for 100% sure that i have no interest, at the moment no i dont have any interest in dating or anything like that, i do not know him, but thats not to say that after meeting and getting to know him more that things might not change.

 

That is the absolute opposite of impartial and disinterested, and flies in the face of your claim that you simply want to let him know you're there for him.

 

Batya is absolutely right:

 

I think you need to reevaluate your motives and your choices and reactions. I would assume that someone who is flirty and wants to meet in person has an interest in a potential romantic involvement. And if the person has mental health issues -and was suicidal in the last few years- it's crucial you are 100% clear with what you want and do not want should you choose to meet him in person. You say you want to support him - so I gave you my suggestion about being supportive with mental health resources and if you truly want to support him - and show that you care about a near stranger - do NOT engage in flirtatious behavior or agree to plan to meet unless you are looking to potentially date him. If he didn't have mental health issues I would not write this as strongly.

 

A lot of people, myself included, think you're fooling yourself on this thread, and this next statement just confirms that suspicion even further:

 

How can he have an interest in a potential romantic involvement when he doesnt even know me?

 

How can a 30 year old woman in this day and age seriously entertain that question?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you even read my post Poptart66? I greatly supported you.

 

I also chime in with the others. They gave you some really good advice. You asked a basic question expecting an answer that suits you.

 

The problem is that’s not how it works on a forum. You’ll get those wanting to express different opinions and solutions.

 

Instead of getting defensive you can just take every ones advice with a grain of salt.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Did you even read my post Poptart66? I greatly supported you.

 

I also chime in with the others. They gave you some really good advice. You asked a basic question expecting an answer that suits you.

 

The problem is that’s not how it works on a forum. You’ll get those wanting to express different opinions and solutions.

 

Instead of getting defensive you can just take every ones advice with a grain of salt.

 

I dont think i saw your post. I will go back and look now

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think that's because if you were truly impartial, you wouldn't have asked at all.

 

Simply asking "how can I show him that I am there for him" reveals a certain amount of anxiety (and thus over-investment). You needed reassurance that he was reassured.

 

Also, if you suspect that he has mental health issues, then this cannot simultaneously be an opportunity for you to scout potential future relationships:

 

 

 

That is the absolute opposite of impartial and disinterested, and flies in the face of your claim that you simply want to let him know you're there for him.

 

Batya is absolutely right:

 

 

 

A lot of people, myself included, think you're fooling yourself on this thread, and this next statement just confirms that suspicion even further:

 

 

 

How can a 30 year old woman in this day and age seriously entertain that question?

 

Obviously i can tell him that at present i have no interest in anything. I dont think it needs to be said though as i think he feels the same.

 

 

And how do you mean? Everyone keeps saying how could i be potentially romantically interested (which im not) when i dont know him, so surely that works both ways so why now has it been said that he could potentially be interested romantically?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...