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I’m 18 year old male who’s been dating his girlfriend for 4 years suddenly the relationship is like walking on egg shells. This Is because I’ve made mistakes in the past, nothing violent or cheating I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as she’d put it, However to me It’s my way of telling her how I feel, I’ve struggled a lot when growing up with being able to speak my mind and it’s often led to me committing self harm. So to feel like I can’t tell her what upsets me without an argument is killing me inside, I literally can’t even ask her to not call me names like “idiot” or constantly calling me a child because she doesn’t agree with something I say? Surely this isn’t normal for someone to think this constant name calling is okay on the basis that I have made my own mistakes. She also likes to hang our relationship Out to dry like it’s nothing, for example if we have the smallest bicker over something as small as where to meet and what time she will literally saying something like “I wish I’d have fully dumped you you’re such an idiot”.

I just want some advice, I feel absolutely drained and confused. I love the girl and don’t want to even Want to think about separation but how the hell can I go on feeling worried to say what’s on my mind, how can I get my point across without her calling me names or not taking me seriously? Does anybody read this and feel she has some control over me with this grasp she has on our relationship? Knowing I won’t step out of line or she’ll dump me? Threatening me with it.

My final issue is how she holds my past against me even tho she hated me when I was at my peak of doing this due to jealousy, but now as I said if I do something minute that she doesn’t agree with she won’t just say “oh that’s what upset me” she’ll say “oh well this thing from months ago that I threatened to dump you for is happening again” when it isn’t and I change my ways and ensure I mould to be the man she needs

 

 

Many thanks.

Edited by Callum98
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I think you need to end this relationship.

 

You two have a seriously unhealthy dynamic and it sounds like you outgrew each other a while ago. It's time to move on. This doesn't have the legs to last much longer.

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You are in an abusive relationship. End it and get help for anger and communicating.

I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as she’d put it, However to me It’s my way of telling her how I feel
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I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as she’d put it, However to me It’s my way of telling her how I feel

 

Do you actually realise how wrong that is????

 

You JUST get jealous??

Yes people experience jealousy within relationships, but they reason logically and DON’T lose their temper.

And that’s how people deal with their jealousy when they love someone. They will then calmly say that a certain situation made them feel jealous and be open to the fact that the jealousy may or may not have been warranted. And proceed from there.

 

But you JUST got jealous and yes lost your temper , yes she is correct about you throwing a tantrum but you still believe that it’s simply your way of telling her how you feel?

Have you ever once thought how she received your “message”?

 

Basically she was the one walking on eggshells. When is he going to get jealous? When is he going to lose his temper? And for what reason?

If a guy chatted to her , did you get jealous? Was that her fault that a guy chatted to her? And she simply politely responded with a hello but didn’t flirt with him for example?

You certainly haven’t given examples of your jealousy tantrums so I can only assume they were not anything she did wrong???

 

But now you are starting to feel like she felt back then?

You do nothing wrong and you get berated for it. Right? Perhaps that’s just her way of telling you how she feels??

 

You both are as bad as each other and bad for each other.

 

Time to let this relationship go , because it’s not going anywhere anyway.

 

Have you however learned to self reason , analyse logically , removing emotions? Think before you act ? Etc

 

She can threaten to dump you all she likes. But it’s you that chooses to stay with her!

 

Simply tell her how her threatening to dump you makes you feel. And tell her if that happens again you will consider it a break up and walk away. But don’t be surprised if she callls you a hypocrite.

 

Sorry!

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She belittles you. That's verbal and emotional abuse. Losing your temper is not good either but use it like a litmus test. If you find someone triggering annoyances in you and tension, ask yourself why. It may be your natural reaction to someone unhealthy, rude and negative.

 

Why do you feel jealous? Has she purposely betrayed your trust, flirted with other men or have a track record of making others feel more important than you?

 

Don't date or be around someone who belittles you or encourages a lesser version of yourself. It's a two-way street, always.

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From 14 to 18, you two are no longer the same people and that's why this relationship has run it's course. You both need to go your separate ways and explore the dating world. Of course there will be an adjustment period where it will feel weird without her, but man right now you are missing out on some good times.....break those chains bud....see others and have fun! Get busy with some strange.

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I think you should both end this and spend some single, maturing and developing.

 

Teenagers do not have the emotional maturity to navigate romantic relationships. I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

 

Someday, when you are in the 30's you'll look back at this and understand. Ask anyone that's been through it.

 

You are changing exponentially from being a teenager into adult hood. Though what you described is pretty toxic, the rockiness is almost to be expected.

 

My sons had their first girl friends at around 20 and though it wasn't this bad, they didn't handle them in the best ways, learned the valuable lessons it taught them and went on to have better relationships when they were older.

 

I had a high school boyfriend from 15 to 18. I wish my parents would have intervened. We were pretty toxic in our own ways. It was all so unnecessary.

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