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Iam confused about his feelings for me!


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One year ago I started talking with a boy, he pinged me first. Though we were family friends we were never in touch before. However, within few months, we became best friends. He used to text me all day. We met thrice. I started falling for the guy. I was not sure what he feels about me. I know that he admires me, he respects my creative skill,but whether he loves me or not was a big confusion for me. We both are academicians. He is about to start a business too and he told me to suggest the name of his travel agency and e-magazine. I did that and felt special. Then one night we had a sex chat but after that day there was awkward silence for two days and then he started talking with me as a friend only, not even mentioning about that night. I was not sure what he actually wants. Then one day over phone he tried to make me understand in an indirect manner that he wants his friends to be friends only. I was hurt and started avoiding him. He initiated contacts on those days. Then I felt I will only treat him as a friend and started talking again. But it was damn painful. He is very popular among his female students and I have doubt that he has a relationship with one of his college friends, though he completely denied it when I asked him. However, it was painful for me to treat him as a friend and I was not sure what he feels for me, so one night I texted him that I love him and becoming attached with him, so I don't think it's a good idea to talk with him anymore. I want to stop talking. He reacted, he tried to stop me from doing that but in a somewhat mild manner, atleast I felt so. When I said I love him, he only said he likes to talk to me, so I was sure that my feelings for him is one-sided. I'm not talking with him for 5days. But recently he has started posting sad quotes on Facebook, and the quotes are like those are dedicated to me and he is in love with me. He even messages me once after that and just asked how Iam and tried to initiate conversation but I didn't react. I am still not sure what he feels about me. Does he love me? Does he consider me only as a good friend? What I should do now? If I continue this no talking method will he come back to me and propose me? What to do? Please help

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No, he doesn't love you. He only likes to talk to you. He has told you so. And his actions match his words. He may be sad that he can't keep going as you were but that's about it. You need to let go of hope that he will reciprocate your feelings. Men are simple. If he wanted to propose you he would have done a long time ago. His feelings for you are not strong enough to lead to a serious relationship. If you keep going after him, at best it might lead to sex with no relationship. You need to stop being in denial about what's going on. His ego might be flattered but he is just not that into you. You need to accept that and cut all contact in order to heal and move on. That means blocking him on Facebook and all other social media so that you don't end up overanalyzing his posts and remain stuck on him. Good luck.

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Do you two live very far apart? I am wondering why you've only met 3 times in one year.

 

It seems that your initial instinct was correct. He doesn't want to take this further than chatting, but doesn't want you to stop talking to him. He doesn't want to lose the convenience of having you around when it suits him.

 

But to clarify, what did he say that made you think he only wants to be friends?

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Sometimes he behaves with me in a way as if he loves me. He makes plans that he will go to Egypt with me, even he said in a light mode that he will marry me after two years. But then, sometimes he behaves like he wants to be friend with me only. And the last day , when I said that I love u and I know that I consider me only as Ur friend so it's better to stop talking, he never protested. He said he likes to talk with me and asked me to rethink, but not in a way a man tries to convince the woman he is in love with. But since I have stopped talking, he is posting love poems on Facebook, the lines are such as if those are dedicated to me. Iam totally totally confused.

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Sometimes he behaves with me in a way as if he loves me. He makes plans that he will go to Egypt with me, even he said in a light mode that he will marry me after two years. But then, sometimes he behaves like he wants to be friend with me only. And the last day , when I said that I love u and I know that I consider me only as Ur friend so it's better to stop talking, he never protested. He said he likes to talk with me and asked me to rethink, but not in a way a man tries to convince the woman he is in love with. But since I have stopped talking, he is posting love poems on Facebook, the lines are such as if those are dedicated to me. Iam totally totally confused.

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His posts are not dedicated to you!?

If they were he would have tagged you .

He is talking to numerous women and letting them all believe what they want .

You have decided they are personal to you. As has another girl.

 

Sorry , but this guy is playing with you and many others.

 

Why would you even entertain him?

Btw , has he got more female friends on social media than males? I’m guessing yes???

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I feel those posts are dedicated to me because that matches our current situation. Also, he is in my friend list for years. I never saw him posting such sad stuffs. Yes, he is very popular among girls. He is a teacher and most of his female students are crazy about him.

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I feel those posts are dedicated to me because that matches our current situation. Also, he is in my friend list for years. I never saw him posting such sad stuffs. Yes, he is very popular among girls. He is a teacher and most of his female students are crazy about him.

 

When I was on facebook, I used to see dramatic posts like these and roll my eyes. I never responded to them because it's obviously bait. A vague reference to a vague audience about a vague problem or sadness. A lure dangling on the end of a hook to attract any old unsuspecting fish.

 

I used to think, "Does anyone really fall for this crap?"

 

Now I know the answer is yes.

 

It's not real, Tinamuni. It's bait. If it is actually directed towards you, it's only to keep stringing you along.

 

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

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You should be asking him all those questions you have, but you have to be more direct with him, and not this passive/aggressive stuff you were doing...the old, if I say I love you and say I'm ditching him forever, that would push him to express his feelings for you...that never works and is the worse way to communicate. Step it up and talk to him ON THE PHONE or in person, not through text. Ask him to stop the bull crap and be honest. If he starts waffling and not really give you what you want to hear, you block/delete him with out a word. Don't be all dramatic, go in silence.

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Are you both around the same age or are you underaged or a lot younger? You mentioned he's in college and has students. Are you doing undergrad and he's finishing his masters for ie? This is a hunch only - I think he likes you and enjoys your company but he knows it's unrealistic and falling in love with someone over text messages and a screen is not real. That you're becoming attached is a red flag that things between both of you are not usual or appropriate because there's not enough in-person contact.

 

I'd turn off the social media for awhile and stop checking his profile for signs that he's into you. I don't like saying this but it's time to get plugged back into reality. Try meeting new people on campus or checking out local groups in your area. The more you pursue this person the less healthy it is in the long run. Accept that online screen time and texting is not any basis for developing a romantic relationship and pursuing that with this person isn't a good idea.

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The thing is both of us are college professors. I know I sound like a little immature girl in love. Iam 27 and he is 29. We have meet in person thrice and spent the whole days with each other. Yes, now after these advices I have understood that he is not into me. I hopelessly fall for him, but I have nothing to do as he doesn't feel the same. So I have decided to focus on my career now. Anyway, thank u .

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The thing is both of us are college professors. I know I sound like a little immature girl in love. Iam 27 and he is 29. We have meet in person thrice and spent the whole days with each other. Yes, now after these advices I have understood that he is not into me. I hopelessly fall for him, but I have nothing to do as he doesn't feel the same. So I have decided to focus on my career now. Anyway, thank u .

 

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't think you were both in your late twenties. I think it's a good idea to pick up and catch up with each other after the quarantines and lockdowns lift wherever either of you are. Spend more time in person and give things a rest for now. Things might happen a bit more naturally later on down the line.

 

Another thing I thought of might be the loneliness during this time so having each other has seemed like a blessing but not having each others' support is difficult. I'd turn inward and spend more time reflecting, less dependency overall on the social media, and wean off the conversations with him. Things will go back to normal soon and you'll see your students too more often. Good work with focusing on your career.

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Sorry but I think he only likes you as a friend but if you are sick of wondering whether he does or not then ask him to be with you as a couple. If he says no, wish him well and block him which means you can move on with your life.

 

Must say i thought you were a teenager too initially from your posts and passive/agressive behaviour. As stated above that NEVER works. Be more direct if you really want an answer.

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Bluntly speaking, telling someone "I love you", out of the blue when you're not even in a relationship, is too intense. I may be clueless about some dating matters, but one thing I am certain of: Put that kind of pressure on me when we're not an item and see me run the other way in a heartbeat. Telling a crush "I like you" is certainly way more appropriate.

 

Something to think about.

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