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Hello all, so basically today i was on my bf 's (m22) mac helping him with something and i noticed his photo album on there, and i clicked it, and he had screenshots of girls from tinder. he specifically screenshot their ig/sc usernames. he never followed any of them (and no he doesn't have a fake acc, i snooped already lol).

Backstory:

When quarantine started in late March, I felt something "off" about him. He was very unavailable. I would text him, and recevie a one-word responde 10 hours later. I called him to talk, he never picked up or bothered to call back. This depressed me. I felt like I was losing my head, because nothing was wrong, yet everything was wrong. There came a point when I got tired of checking my phone for his response. I got tired of the sleepless nights wondering why he was ghosting me so casually.

I didn't speak to him for 6 days. I didn't text him, nor did I reply to his "what's up". He never followed up. I knew the moment I replied to "what's up" it would be another 10 hours before his response.

So I didn't speak to him for 6 days.

The screenshots he had of tinder ranged from March 22-April 7. This was right around when I stopped talking to him. We talked again April 15.

I can only assume the reason he stopped his emotional cheating was because I stopped talking to him for so long.

He can be so perfect sometimes. But then he does crap like this.

In the past, he's used tinder and apps like bumble, etc to make friends, but I asked him nicely to stop doing that. He promised he deleted the apps.

I haven't seen anything from this month.

It looks as if he had a 2-3 week excursion.

Idk what to do, i've been crying a lot.

 

What bugs me most, is when I caught him I confronted him about it. And he was so casual.. he denied doing anything... he continued playing his video games like nothing major had just happened. He didn't care.. he was a little quiet too. I know he knows he's guilty. Does he even care??

I went home early after catching him and he hasn't texted me since. He said that we'll talk tomorrow.I haven't contacted him either.

 

What should I do? How should I go about this?

 

TL;DR - boyfriend caught on tinder. he stopped about a month ago. idk what to do. when I caught him I confronted him about it, he was so casual.. he denied doing anything... he continued playing his video games like nothing major had just happened. He didn't care.. he was a little quiet too. I know he knows he's guilty. Does he even care??

I went home early after catching him and he hasn't texted me since. He said that we'll talk tomorrow.I haven't contacted him either.What should I do? How should I go about this?

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Unless you want to play Detective along with putting him on a leash, what's there to talk about? I'd tell him you're moving on, wish him the best and block him from all means of communication. Keep in mind that the best indicator of future behaviour, is past behaviour.

 

He's demonstrated what he's all about, therefore it looks like a matter of what you see is what you get. Hopefully you'll make the right choice.

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Unless you want to play Detective along with putting him on a leash, what's there to talk about? I'd tell him you're moving on, wish him the best and block him from all means of communication.

 

This, in a nutshell.

 

That said, can I ask how long you've been together? You referred to this coming up "in the past," and I'm wondering at what juncture of your romance that past occurred in, I supposed.

 

But all in all: you know, clear as day, who you are dating. Is this really what you want?

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Without trust and communication there can be no healthy relationship. Your relationship is dead. Imo, you need to think long and hard why you are staying with someone who ignores you and cheats on you. Why aren't these deal breakers for you and what does this say about your relationship values and self-esteem?

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Time to break up! He sounds like a total jerk. He's a cheater and he doesn't even feel bad about it! This is who he really is. And he just blatantly ignores you even though you're meant to be a couple! I think he's completely checked out of this relationship and he's looking for other girls.

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No, he doesn't care. Treat yourself with more respect. This person doesn't know how to treat others. It's a bit disturbing. Can you think of yourself in the future with a person who makes you cry all the time?

 

You can start with taking a couple of steps back, being kind to yourself, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself this just one man out of many and one drop in an ocean. All the things he means to you is one moment in time and there are many, many moments in your lifetime to come.

 

Take that step back and look big picture. He's not the biggest thing that will ever happen to you. One day you will look back and laugh at how small of an impact he's made on your life because you'll see him for what he really is in your rearview mirror - hardly anything at all.

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I cannot fathom why you continue with this cheating crerp!

 

Hahah! I love this. It's really that simple. Don't date 'crerps'!

 

Whenever someone shows you that he is a crerp, that becomes something that you can never UNknow, and you can do nothing to UNmake him a crerp.

 

So? Leave him alone, raise your bar, and only date people who are not crerps.

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What you should do is raise your standards and stop wasting your time on cheating lying losers. No, OP, he doesn't feel guilty about anything because he couldn't care less if he tried.

 

What you do is nothing. Literally. Never speak to him again. Like never ever ever. Even if he remembers you exist a month or two from now, silence from you. No response.

 

So many guys out there who would love and value being with you, call you, be there for you, etc. Why on earth are you wasting your life and time clinging on to the one guy who not only doesn't care, but cheats and lies to your face about it like you are a complete fool. Aim for better than this loser. When you come across losers, you don't cling on for dear life, you laugh, drop them, and keep going on with your life. It's like stepping in something while walking. You clean your shoes and keep on walking. You don't pick up the stinking pile of poo and take it home with you.

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He did it previously and promised to stop. He breaks that promise and does it more. You confront him and he lies about it. He ignores you for hours and sometimes for days.

What exactly is in this for you?

Stop wasting your time on this clown and block his number.

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Even without the screenshots, if he doesn't even care enough about you to want to hear your voice once a day, and can't muster more than a one word text per day, then why would you look for solutions to salvage this? Don't date again until you can say with conviction: A guy has to treat me right to stay in my life.

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i agree with all the others.

 

I know what you mean about, he can be perfect at times... but that "at times" is all choice on his part.

 

I don't know if you tolerate this crap because you don't want to be alone, you are embarrassed to break up or what but, you must look at the bigger picture.

 

A person who blatantly disrespects you and shows no care, is no way, no how, going to magically change.

 

The ONLY thing you can do is stop tolerating BS! The first time! Every chance you give, you get a little more sucked in and the ego takes over that he has to prove you right. but on his side, he's learning, you well put up with whatever. so no effort on his part is needed.

 

You're being a door mat.

 

A tinder profile is a huge no-no

Ignoring you text or phone calls for HOURS AND DAYS also a huge no-no

Not looking up from a video game when you call him out, you guessed it a huge no-no

 

wake up, OP... next time he texts you, tell him to stop and then block him

 

You owe him nothing! the exact same effort he's given you.

 

You do not need to have a person agree that they are wrong, in order for you to act according to your own compass.

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It's always these moments I remind posters that if they haven't lost respect for you, they are going to.

If I treated someone this poorly and they just kept coming back for more, I wouldn't respect them.

Allowing this suggests you have no self respect. Believe you deserve better

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He is too immature and stupid for you. Dump him. Tell him you can't be with someone you can't trust and walk away.

boyfriend caught on tinder. .. he denied doing anything... he continued playing his video games. I haven't contacted him either. How should I go about this?
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You do not need to have a person agree that they are wrong, in order for you to act according to your own compass.

 

This is so clutch. When you let go of the need to be right and the need to punish, life gets so much simpler.

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Serious question here. Do you not like yourself at all? Why on earth would you allow a boy to treat you like this and then go back to him?

 

You shouldn't be desperately hanging onto a man like this. Or obsessively checking your phone for a message from him. First of all, that would make anyone feel awful and second of all, he can't and doesn't care for you that much if he can treat you that way.

 

YOU are the one who gets to decide what kind of treatment you will or won't allow. YOU are the one who gets to decide if you deserve better than this or if you stay with someone who doesn't even respect you enough to message you back.

 

1.) He cheated on you (and more than likely still is)

2.) He does not care to even be decent enough to message you back

3.) He lies to you.

4.) He treats you as someone to keep around when he has no other options but is always going to be a cheater.

 

Those are more than enough reasons to kick him to the curb and never look back. You deserve better, (or at least I hope you know you do!!)

Don't ask why he did this or if he will change...that doesn't matter. He is a crap man. Ask why you continue to take it or stay with someone who treats you so poorly.

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  • 2 months later...

Beginner skydivers are always told, as they reach altitude and begin the short waltz to the open door, never to grab the pole that runs above the hatch. That's because your head says jump but your hand won't let go..

 

People's head always knows when it's time to jump from a rotten relationship, but their heart won't let them

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