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Should I break up or trying to rebuild my relationship?


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Hi,

 

Long story in short. From a few months my boyfriend was acting strange. I was telling him that i feel something is wrong, he was trying to calm me down saying 'everything is okay'. 1 month ago I've found out that he had a tinder and spoke to different girls.. i was completely broken.. I didn't know if I should give him a chance.. after that we spoke i decided to give him another chance but... he told me, he is not sure if he wants to be in the relationship at the moment (we are together from October 2018), he said he can't commit to me etc. I wasn't sure what to do but we decided to work this out together.. everything was OK, just a few situation when i was jealous.. i'm trying not to be but sometimes is difficult.. but now I feel like he doesn't want this anymore, that he doesn't care anymore. He said me that he is with me now because he loves me and he know if he finally will be able to commit I will be the best girlfriend for him.. so now he is loyal but i don't feel like he cares about me.. i don't know what to do. shall I break up? but when i think about break up I'm completely broken ..

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He checked out months ago.

 

He said he can’t commit to you.

That was him being truthful!!!!

 

He said if he ever feels like committing , that you would be someone he would consider!?

That was his lies!!!!

 

Your choice , but I know what I would do.

 

Is it good enough for you to hang around while he tests the waters elsewhere?

And act loyal temporarily to see IF he can commit to you?

 

He is a coward and selfish.

 

Why are you attracted to him???

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This is over. He has cheated on you-we definitely know emotionally, probably physically-and says he is not certain he wants to be with you. Either one of these issues should have been the end.

 

Drop this cheat., you are only hurting yourself! He does not love you, as his actions clearly show.

 

You have been together for 1.5 years, and he still does not know. C'mon. This guy is stringing you along

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He explained himself as he didn't want to cheat on me, he just wanted to check if he is still attractive. That was the most stupid explanation i've ever heard but i still have forgiven him.. i though he is worth this and he promised to change but i still feel like he just prefer to speak and spend time with his mates.. he needs 'day off' from me etc. I don't know if he is worth my time, if i should believe his words that he needs a time to find himself. i don't want to be used..

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Someone you can't trust isn't going to make you feel secure and loved no matter what he does or says.

 

You get to decide whether this is enough for you, and whether walking on eggshells and policing him until you find the next act of disloyalty is how you want to live.

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Sorry to hear this. You have good instincts. Don't date cheaters or people who don't want a relationship. End it. There is no reason to date wishy-washy snakes.

I was telling him that i feel something is wrong

1 month ago I've found out that he had a tinder and spoke to different girls.

 

he told me, he is not sure if he wants to be in the relationship at the moment

I feel like he doesn't want this anymore, that he doesn't care anymore.

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You have been together for 1.5 years, and he still does not know. C'mon. This guy is stringing you along

I still can't give up on him because for 1.5 years everything was ok but now something changed and idk why..

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Why are you attracted to him???

 

I'm still attracted to him because when we spend time with each other he is amazing. We can do everything together. but when we don't see each other he is like completely different person.

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Have you gotten tested for STDs, now that you know he's cheating? You need to. He's lied before and will again.

1 month ago I've found out that he had a tinder.

he said he can't commit to me etc.

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[/b]

I still can't give up on him because for 1.5 years everything was ok but now something changed and idk why..

 

He already gave up on you, unfortunately.

 

His excuse for being on Tinder is BS, but it seems you know this. Sadly, people sometimes just outgrow relationships and there's not much you can do about it other than letting them go. He has shown you he isn't committed, and he isn't ready for the sort of relationship you want. His actions are showing you this, too. He has fun with you when you're in his presence, but when you're not? You can't trust this guy.

 

Is he your first boyfriend, by chance? How old are you both?

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Is he your first boyfriend, by chance? How old are you both?

 

He is not my first boyfriend. I'm 22, he's 24.

I was in the relationship for 4 years before (i know i was really young). After I broke up with my ex, I met him and 3 months later I was in the relationship with him.

I've changed my whole life.. He's from UK, I'm from Poland..

I moved to UK after being in the relationship with him for a few months. That's why it is so difficult for me to just give up on him...

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Why hope? Why trust a liar/cheater? Why put your health, happiness and well being in a guy's hands who does not care about you?

I don't think he slept with anyone. I hope he didn't.. that's what he said..

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So, you really aren't committed and therefore he's not your boyfriend any longer.

 

You've agreed to be demoted to someone he spends time with and sleeps with, without the benefit of a commitment. I can't tell if you are just dating or fwb's.

Are you aware of that and is that ok with you?

 

You still sense something is off and you sense he prefers to spend time with his friends.

He is slowly weaning himself from you, so it's ultimately a slow fade break up. How convenient for him.

 

As painful as this all is, he now is losing respect for you because you have agreed to this shady arrangement and don't believe you deserve better. Ultimately you won't respect yourself either.

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That's why it is so difficult for me to just give up on him...

 

How can you give up on him when he already gave up on you?

 

You need higher standards for yourself. This guy does not take you or your relationship seriously anymore. I know it's hard when you had such high hopes, but guys don't go on Tinder just to find out if they're "still attractive." He's just telling you that because he thinks you'll believe it, and frankly? That right there is reason enough to dump him.

 

This relationship won't last. He's not the guy you're going to have a future with.

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Do you live with him? Can you go home? Do you have a job or friends/family in the UK?

He is not my first boyfriend. I'm 22, he's 24. I moved to UK after being in the relationship with him for a few months.

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I wouldn't stand for this anymore, Kasiaaa. This situation doesn't sound like one that you want. You have misgivings and are feeling upset and unwanted. Those are all valid emotions and thoughts. This isn't the right person for you.

 

He is stringing you along. It's almost convenient for him that you are so attached. Cut it off now and practice some healthy self-esteem. Get into the practice of reinforcing what's good for you and letting go of what's not.

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reality ....relationships are not forever...they come to an end. You can claw at it all you want still doesn't change anything. It is what it is...feeling broken is just part of life when a relationship is finished....you are doing this for yourself because this relationship is no longer what you expect. Time to get out.

 

Tip: if their heart is somewhere else, no second chances. A year and a half is not very long. People walk away for marriages after 30+ years.

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]Do you live with him?[/b] Can you go home? Do you have a job or friends/family in the UK?

 

No, I don't live with him. I have a very good job here and a few friends that I met after i moved to UK. I know I would have a good life with or without him but it's just difficult when you gave someone so much and you just have to forget all of this.

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reality ....relationships are not forever...they come to an end.

 

Tip: if their heart is somewhere else, no second chances. A year and a half is not very long. People walk away for marriages after 30+ years.

 

 

I think that was my the biggest mistake.. i believed that i can be with him forever.. i didn't think he will get bored after just a 1.5 year..

 

This situation is just so difficult because this year and a half changed my whole life.. i left everyone in my country and moved here because he made me feel that i can have a very good life with him.. but he changed, he became a completely different person

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I think that was my the biggest mistake.. i believed that i can be with him forever.. i didn't think he will get bored after just a 1.5 year..

 

This situation is just so difficult because this year and a half changed my whole life.. i left everyone in my country and moved here because he made me feel that i can have a very good life with him.. but he changed, he became a completely different person

 

You broke up with someone after 4 years. Why does 1.5 years suddenly feel like a bigger investment?

He might stay for a little while longer but he won’t stay until 4 years.

 

He didn’t force you to leave your country. You chose to. For someone you barely knew.

He hasn’t changed at all, you are just getting to know him.

Many relationships split after the honeymoon period which can last a year.

Your honeymoon period only started once you got to the UK and a year later he is on tinder not looking to see if others find him attractive. It wouldn’t matter to him if he loved you and you found him attractive.

 

I’m glad you don’t live with him.

Stop being his f buddy while he seeks to replace you.

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This situation is just so difficult because this year and a half changed my whole life.. i left everyone in my country and moved here because he made me feel that i can have a very good life with him.. but he changed, he became a completely different person

 

The truth is that he was probably always this person, on some level, but he managed to hide it until now.

 

I don't doubt that he was interested in the past, but people who have a decent moral compass don't suddenly start behaving in shady ways. He's likely always been less bothered about being a good guy, and more concerned about feeding his own ego. It just wasn't something you had the chance to see until all of this came out.

 

He's showing you now who he really is. He's not someone you can build a life with, unfortunately,

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