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Irrational hate of husband golfing


Mrsb123
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I get irrationally upset with my husband when we go to visit my family and he leaves and goes golfing with my brother. I don't know why, I'm annoyed because he's spending money or because he's 'having fun with out me'. I also get annoyed with the amount of drinking he does when we're there, it cost money and it's unhealthy ( he doesn't have a drinking problem). I'm sick of being annoyed with him for these things. I spend money on coffee and he never comments, he encourages me to go do things without him with my friends. I just want to not care and not be bothered by it all but it still annoys me. I don't understand why it annoys me, if it's money or him spending time without me. I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.

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I get irrationally upset with my husband when we go to visit my family and he leaves and goes golfing with my brother. I don't know why, I'm annoyed because he's spending money or because he's 'having fun with out me'. I also get annoyed with the amount of drinking he does when we're there, it cost money and it's unhealthy ( he doesn't have a drinking problem). I'm sick of being annoyed with him for these things. I spend money on coffee and he never comments, he encourages me to go do things without him with my friends. I just want to not care and not be bothered by it all but it still annoys me. I don't understand why it annoys me, if it's money or him spending time without me. I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.

 

Are these the only incidence where you get annoyed by him? Do you feel the same annoyance when he spends money on something he likes without going out? Or if he's going out without you but not spending money?

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I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.
Honestly, I don't know what environment you were raised around or are used to, but it kinda says something to me that you'd consider simply letting your husband experience enjoyment outside your company as being "the cool wife." Not saying it'll completely solve the problem, but maybe less thinking that it's exceptional for a wife not to get annoyed by their spouse enjoying themselves and more it being simply the norm for any healthy marriage.

 

You've made every rationalization for just that, so it's really just about making it stick. Or if there's some other context that matters?

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If you don't know why something bothers, you should probably start there.

 

You're not being honest with yourself. You're jealous our have fomo or think its not fair. Why do you have to feel anything about it?

 

Do you not want him to go? Di you feel threatened in sime way? Ir like you are beibg judged by what your husband does? should he sick by your side while visiting family?

 

And the whole cool wife thing? What do you mean by that? cool by whose standard?

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What's your idea of having fun? Maybe visiting your family is not your idea of fun at all but you're forcing yourself to appear like it's something enjoyable to you.

 

What makes you laugh and what makes you excited? Is it possible you've neglected those questions for awhile?

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Perhaps you can reach a compromise with your husband. Have him spend time with your brother as long as it's not excessively long and same with reducing his drinking time.

 

I'm a wife, too and I would resent my husband spending too much time and money with my brother and liquor when we should enjoy time together and with other family members as a whole. This would annoy me, too.

 

I'm a cool wife and a cool wife has every right not to be cool when time away from each other is excessive especially during holidays or vacations.

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He is an individual, not just your husband. He had a life before you came along and he still should now.

 

This jealousy thing you've got going on, sounds more like control and not accepting him being happy without you being involved. That's not love, that's prison.

 

What can you do about it? Ease back. Loosen the grip. Find a way to be okay with him being happy with his own interests/hobbies that don't include you. Change your focus more to your own interests/hobbies and friends.

 

You two aren't attached at the hip. It is healthy for you and he to have not only your time together but also your time apart.

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Not freaking out when your husband goes golfing isn't what being a "cool wife" is all about. That's simply him being human and having hobbies.

 

What does your own social life look like? How much time do you and your husband spend together in general?

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