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Has Quarantine Ruined Us Or Was It Always Going To End?


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Hi. I never thought I'd reach out for help on a forum, but here I am. So here's some backstory: I've been seeing this guy since roughly October of last year. It's been casual and fun until quarantine. Throughout this entire time we've been seeing each other, we'd go explore the city we live in and have such fun dates and laughs. Then with quarantine it abruptly ended. Everything we swept under the rug has just been staring at us this entire time. Trust me, it's a pretty lumpy rug. When I brought it up, we eventually agreed to take some time apart to think. I don't think either of us see the other as "the one", but that doesn't mean we don't want to have fun together. But. Does this mean it's ending? Should it? I've been told I deserve better and people want better for me, but is it selfish and dumb of me to give this another chance as things open up if we'll eventually end someday anyway?

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Are you still in contact? What do you want from this? Why the heavy talk if you want light and fluffy?

It's been casual and fun until quarantine. I don't think either of us see the other as "the one", but that doesn't mean we don't want to have fun together.

 

Everything we swept under the rug has just been staring at us this entire time. Trust me, it's a pretty lumpy rug.

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It's only been 3 days of not talking. I was planning on reaching out later tonight. I want fun, casual, light and fluffy, but there have been some tense moments of him not treating me the best (and I'm not innocent in it, either) because of how we're both trying to cope with quarantine. I struggle with my mental health enough without a pandemic, but he's been very impatient with me and things have been tense and I felt shut out and shut down. So I wanted to address that, and now we're here.

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Do you mind me asking what are the issues? I think a lot of people are extra-sensitive right now with the pandemic. Working things out with someone if there are any heavy topics may not be on everyone's mind the same way. I wouldn't take it personally if he just doesn't feel up to talking about your relationship or your dynamic. I'm sorry this is causing you hurt and confusion.

 

You mentioned feeling shut out - I think that's more than telling. If he's purposefully not answering you or not replying to you, that's a clear sign that he doesn't want to keep talking about the things you want to talk about.

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This pandemic is kicking everyone in the gut. Try to find ways to cope through well established friends and family. Delve into your interests, hobbies and activities more. Contact some good friends, etc. Try not to lean on someone too much. If you want light and fluffy, don't turn it into therapy.

It's only been 3 days of not talking. I was planning on reaching out later tonight. I want fun, casual, light and fluffy, but there have been some tense moments of him not treating me the best
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I can give a more recent example. About a week ago, I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker. and I was just wanting to have a conversation about what is going on. I don't want to tolerate that nor do I deserve that. But I guess it depends what we're expecting out of each other.

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I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker.

 

I think these are the kinds of things that will always end a relationship, unless you want to be a doormat.

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I can give a more recent example. About a week ago, I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker. and I was just wanting to have a conversation about what is going on. I don't want to tolerate that nor do I deserve that. But I guess it depends what we're expecting out of each other.

 

I'd leave him alone. These are signs someone's not in the right frame of mind and better off finding fault with their own shadow. He's picking on you and taking out his frustrations on you.

 

Don't seek answers from people like this or who treat you like this.

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I'd leave him alone. These are signs someone's not in the right frame of mind and better off finding fault with their own shadow. He's picking on you and taking out his frustrations on you.

 

Don't seek answers from people like this or who treat you like this.

Rose gives good advice...

 

this type of behavior gives you insight into how he handles things and you're right you don't want to be treated this way.

 

Some of this stuff just can't be explained. A person is either easy going, confident and kind or they only pretend to be. you know?

 

Little snarky things that, we tend to blow off with the benefit of the doubt, but that is a mistake... its a basic level of respect that is missing.

 

Go be light and flufft with someone that is actually light & fluffy.

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Just wondering, do you mean you are looking for something light and casual just for now? Or in general you're not looking for a serious relationship? Even in future? If it was me it would actually depend on what I'm ultimately looking for in the end. For example, I am actually looking for a serious committed relationship, so if I already knew someone is not "the one" and we are also bickering, I probably wouldn't worry about it.

 

I don't mind having something more casual while I'm looking for "the one". As you said though, if it's casual it needs to be light and relaxed. If the main aim is to just be having a fun time with this person, then is it worth it if it's not actually fun? I think the fact that this guy was impatient with you and then gave over a day of silent treatment is not good. As posters are saying though, some people have been more on edge and moody during quarantine. I know I was as well. Was everything fine before quarantine?

 

It's difficult to know whether this is how this guy handles difficult times or whether quarantine is just something very different that people don't normally experience. E.g. if someone got fired from their job, at least they could see their friends and family for support and/or do their hobbies out in the open. With quarantine everything was taken away from us. Our job, friends, family, most hobbies and interests. I'm saying for a lot of people, not all. So it's hard to know whether quarantine was just a lot more difficult for some people to handle due to all these factors.

 

Now quarantine is beginning to ease off. So I guess you just need to think, do you want to give it another chance? Or not worry about it?

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Just for now! I'm approaching my mid twenties, but I'm not quite ready for anything serious yet. I do eventually want to find that person. Everything was fine in the sense of having fun and not really bickering like this before quarantine. He admitted that he has felt like he's been in a funk, which as established everyone has been feeling some type of way. But that's not an excuse to treat people poorly. I went into all this with the intent of having a mature conversation about where we're at and if this is going to have a shot at being fun again. We talked a little this evening, seems like he doesn't wanna call it quits but isn't ready to talk much either.

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He admitted that he has felt like he's been in a funk, which as established everyone has been feeling some type of way. But that's not an excuse to treat people poorly.

 

Exactly.

 

Everybody has good days and bad days.

 

Not everybody uses their bad days as an excuse to take out their frustrations on others.

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Ok pull back stop the heavy relationship talks. Talk to you friends. You are communicating way too much. You should be busy with other pursuits. Keep the convo centered on things to do once COVID déconfinement unfolds in your area.

We talked a little this evening, seems like he doesn't wanna call it quits but isn't ready to talk much either.
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Just for now! I'm approaching my mid twenties, but I'm not quite ready for anything serious yet. I do eventually want to find that person. Everything was fine in the sense of having fun and not really bickering like this before quarantine. He admitted that he has felt like he's been in a funk, which as established everyone has been feeling some type of way. But that's not an excuse to treat people poorly. I went into all this with the intent of having a mature conversation about where we're at and if this is going to have a shot at being fun again. We talked a little this evening, seems like he doesn't wanna call it quits but isn't ready to talk much either.

 

Maybe dial it back and give it a break. You can't force someone to do what you want and not everyone thinks clearly in the moment. If after giving him the benefit of the doubt for awhile and you continue to have a funny feeling about things and things just aren't sitting right with you intuitively, stop talking with him and don't initiate any conversations.

 

You shouldn't be around people who make you feel badly about yourself or who don't treat you the way you ought to be treated - those are people who don't take you seriously or take the piss out of you.

 

Take it easy and one day at a time.

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