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What do I do when my boyfriend blocks on everything after a big fight?


seanelly
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Me (19) and my boyfriend (19) just had a big fight earlier and really regret it. The night before, he asked me to do a favor for him that can be easily done, he slept early while I stayed up until 5 am to finish my term paper. Long-story short I woke up really early for our class and I got cranky because I lacked sleep and that affected how I talked to my boyfriend. I was slightly irritated that time to do him a favor about last night even though I told him that I can do what he's asking for.

 

I got cranky in our text messages and told him to please do it himself instead because this isnt the first time I've been doing him any favors and that I stayed up all night. He woke up to my text messages and he got really mad at my tone. He started saying some really brutal things to me, some things I know a partner shouldnt say, like how Im useless, stupid, and many more. He always does this whenever we fight and I dont think he realizes how painful it is for me to hear those words from someone I care about. After our argument in the call he started blocking me everywhere and now I feel anxious because I think he's calling things off.

 

In our 7 months of being in a relationship he has never blocked me in every argument we had and I think this is a sign that he might break up with me. I love him so much but theres a part of me where I wish he realized that saying mean things to your partner just isnt right. Because of our past fights I admit that I am scared of addressing the problems I've had with him as my boyfriend, because I dont know if he would really consider or he'll just start an argument all over again. He apologizes for the things he say but sometimes that can only do so little; his words really get to me and I just keep replaying them in my mind.

 

I really regret acting up on him after he did something genuine for me last night, and I wanna make things right but I just dont know if I should still keep going. We are always on and off and Im always the one chasing him even in arguments where I am right. Its tiring and emotionally draining and I just wish he could change his ways in our relationship as this is one of many reasons why his previous relationship didnt work.

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Just wait till he cools off, and he will contact you again. He just did it because he wanted some space to process things.

 

In the meantime, you should consider this a blessing and move on. If he is always like this, he won't change not even for you. Who needs that? not you!

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Sorry to hear this. Your instincts were correct to tell him to do it himself.School comes first not favors for bfs. You mention "in every argument", and on/off that after dating 7 mos? Frankly he sounds like a tool. He knows it hurts you, that's why he does it. Do not be anyone's slave or whipping post.

 

Talk to some trusted adult friends and family about his name calling, demanding favors, chronic arguing, etc. it would be best if you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps. Take some time off from dating. Read up on signs of emotional abuse.

in our text messages and told him to please do it himself. He started saying some really brutal things to me, some things I know a partner shouldnt say, like how Im useless, stupid, and many more. He always does this

 

Because of our past fights I admit that I am scared of addressing the problems I've had with him as my boyfriend, because I dont know if he would really consider or he'll just start an argument all over again.We are always on and off

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i think both of you are not compatible, its unhealthy and abusive to go through blocking and all the name calling, just a very bad way of resolving conflicts.

cut him off for your own sanity, learn the lesson from this, wait for the right person, get rid of the bad apples. let him go.

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His reaction was no good. To be clear, are you saying that he attacks you as a whole all the time whenever you fight? That's not fighting fair and being a plain bully. He doesn't respect you.

 

It's one thing if he was disappointed or down about you not being able to do that thing (whatever he asked of you) and it's another if he lashes out at you and demoralizes you.

 

If he messages you again to meet up you might want to be clear about what you won't put up with. On your own end it might be useful to make a mental note to yourself next time not to over-promise or make promises to others that are unrealistic. That just takes time and experience. It still doesn't excuse his behaviour.

 

And definitely, no, do not make it up to him. He should be apologizing to you for his outburst and coming to his own conclusions about how he's overreacted.

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Your boyfriend actually reminds me of several of my relatives. It's either their way or the highway. Well, guess what? I deliberately chose the highway. :D

 

Your boyfriend lacks emotional intelligence (EQ). Google "emotional intelligence." You can never be compatible with a person who lacks empathy. It will never work in a million years. A person either knows how to communicate or correspond peacefully or they're impulsive which is mental illness. If you don't act the way you're supposed to act in their eyes, it's off with your head, i.e., you'll get blocked. This is an extremely passive aggressive tactic. You either act the way you're expected to act or you're slashed out of their life; often numerous times until you've "learned your lesson." It's a way of "disciplining" you and their "teaching" you to shut up, feed their ego by saying or writing what they want you to say or write or you'll get cut off either semi-permanently or permanently.

 

It's a narcissistic trait. Some people have grandiose self importance and you'd better conform to their rules and standards or they'll take Draconian measures by blocking you, ignoring you, hanging up on your in the middle of your verbal phone conversation and basically mince you to bits. :upset:

 

You'd better be very careful with these types of mentally ill people because this is not normal, calm, peaceful, "let's resolve this" type behavior. It's very manipulating, controlling, impulsive, nasty, ugly behavior. They will always remain superior and you are inferior. Both of you are not equals and whenever there's an argument, they will see to it that they'll always win. They'll wear you down to exasperation and defeat. Manipulative, controlling, gaslighting people are masters at winning every fight by acting like creatures. Google "gaslighting." Educate yourself regarding the evils of human psychology. The ONLY way to get back into their good graces is for you to swallow your pride, grovel, beg for forgiveness and apologize even in cases where they are the perpetrators and you don't owe them an apology because you've done nothing wrong. Yes, this is how sick it can get. :upset:

 

Since your relationship with your boyfriend is dysfunctional, very abnormal and volatile, it's better to break up. A normal relationship of all types whether a relationship with someone, marriage, friendship, neighbor, family or in-law relationship should be filled with love, respect, empathy, kindness, poise, patience, very high emotional intelligence, maturity, common courtesy, common decency, consideration, dignity, integrity and all virtues we hold dear. If any and all relationships are not harmonious, then it's doomed for failure.

 

With some unavoidable people such as relatives, in-laws, colleagues, friends, mutual friends, neighbors and the like, enforced healthy boundaries are required. With others, it's time for permanent estrangement in order to have peace between two people.

 

Healthy, very content, secure, calm, peaceful, wonderful relationships should not be filled with emotionally draining angst 24 / 7. Content, loving, respectful relationships are calm, peaceful and the way life should be. Know the difference.

 

Only be with people who treat you with respect and love because respect is love. Everyone else should take a long walk on a short pier in your mind. Don't ever waste your time, energy and resources on rejects. They're not worth it.

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hello thank you for replying to my thread :) I just feel confused as of now and I feel like Im also in the wrong here, my boyfriend helped me on some parts of my term paper and I feel like I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class. The next morning I was really cranky from my lack of sleep and sort of blamed him for asking that favor and thats the reason why I wanted to make it up to him. I kinda admit that I sometimes dont know if Im still in the right when it comes to my relationship. And right now me and him are talking and idk what to say because this seems like a make or break it chance in our relationship.

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hello thank you for replying to my thread :) I just feel confused as of now and I feel like Im also in the wrong here, my boyfriend helped me on some parts of my term paper and I feel like I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class. The next morning I was really cranky from my lack of sleep and sort of blamed him for asking that favor and thats the reason why I wanted to make it up to him. I kinda admit that I sometimes dont know if Im still in the right when it comes to my relationship. And right now me and him are talking and idk what to say because this seems like a make or break it chance in our relationship.

 

That's fine if you feel a sense of obligation to follow through on your promises. I would too. Calling you useless and stupid is not acceptable, imo. I tend to think if someone really cares so much about you they'd be more concerned about your lack of sleep and getting to class or getting through your day safely. Did he apologize to you at all for calling you those things or did he casually pretend he didn't say them?

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Never agree to anything shady. He is poisoning your well being. At some level you know this. Read up on "Stockholm Syndrome".https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/can-dv-survivors-have-stockholm-syndrome

 

 

You are also in a cycle. He degrades you, acts out, you panic and apologize for his abuse. Think long and hard about that. Talk to a trusted adult (family member, doctor, teacher, therapist, etc) about what is going on. Is there abuse, drinking or trouble at home that you think this is in any way "normal"? Don't your friends think he's a creep?

I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class.
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That's fine if you feel a sense of obligation to follow through on your promises. I would too. Calling you useless and stupid is not acceptable, imo. I tend to think if someone really cares so much about you they'd be more concerned about your lack of sleep and getting to class or getting through your day safely. Did he apologize to you at all for calling you those things or did he casually pretend he didn't say them?

 

we're talking right now and its really my fault for acting up on him. he still continues to curse at me in our language and im panicking because he is now resorting into a break up

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hello thank you for replying to my thread :) I just feel confused as of now and I feel like Im also in the wrong here, my boyfriend helped me on some parts of my term paper and I feel like I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class. The next morning I was really cranky from my lack of sleep and sort of blamed him for asking that favor and thats the reason why I wanted to make it up to him. I kinda admit that I sometimes dont know if Im still in the right when it comes to my relationship. And right now me and him are talking and idk what to say because this seems like a make or break it chance in our relationship.

 

Hello, seanelly, you're very welcome. :smug: The problem was his reaction. You've since explained to him that you cannot do the favor he had requested because you stayed up all night finishing your term paper, had to attend an early class and sleep deprived. He should've understood and said, "Ok." But no, he refused to place himself in your shoes which is the problem. He's very selfish and self centered and just like that, instead of having a calm, lucid, mature discussion to say that he felt for you, what did he do instead? He blocked you. He's a red flag all over the place. Then the icing on this cake was that he called you stupid. What a guy! :eek: Your boyfriend is acting like a you know what. He's a jerk. I wouldn't trust him if I were you because you know what he's capable of saying, writing and he'll block you again. You should be very wary and jaded. He'll call you stupid again, block you and are you prepared for these same old, mean scenarios? Only you know this answer. He acts like a whiny 2 year old who doesn't get his way so he pitches a fit as if he's having a childish meltdown. I've known people like him. You need to dump him!

 

Either tolerate and accept your boyfriend's character and personality as is INCURABLE flaws, defects and all or dissolve and exit the relationship.

 

I've been married for a long time. A real man treats a lady with HABITUAL empathy, calmness, love, respect, kindness, patience, tenderness, poise and selfless, very mature behavior. A real man knows how to be a peaceful person. Sorry, your boyfriend is not a man. He's still a spoiled brat boy who never grew up. :upset:

Edited by Cherylyn
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Hello, seanelly, you're very welcome. :smug: The problem was his reaction. You've since explained to him that you cannot do the favor he had requested because you stayed up all night finishing your term paper, had to attend an early class and sleep deprived. He should've understood and said, "Ok." But no, he refused to place himself in your shoes which is the problem. He's very selfish and self centered and just like that, instead of having a calm, lucid, mature discussion to say that he felt for you, what did he do instead? He blocked you. He's a red flag all over the place. Then the icing on this cake was that he called you stupid. What a guy! :eek: Your boyfriend is acting like a you know what. He's a jerk. I wouldn't trust him if I were you because you know what he's capable of saying, writing and he'll block you again. You should be very wary and jaded. He'll call you stupid again, block you and are you prepared for these same old, mean scenarios? Only you know this answer. He acts like a whiny 2 year old who doesn't get his way so he pitches a fit as if he's having a childish meltdown. I've known people like him. You need to dump him!

 

Either tolerate and accept your boyfriend's character and personality as is INCURABLE flaws, defects and all or dissolve and exit the relationship.

 

I've been married for a long time. A real man treats a lady with HABITUAL empathy, calmness, love, respect, kindness, patience, tenderness, poise and selfless, very mature behavior. Sorry, your boyfriend is not a man. He's still a spoiled brat boy who never grew up. :upset:

 

hello cherylyn, I agree that he has a mistake of blowing the argument out of proportion but I feel like when I messaged him earlier in the morning I kinda threw a little fit on him. We both have the same college program and have the same schedule, our routine every morning was for me to wake him up for classes, that day was out of the ordinary; I somewhat told him to take the attendance himself (the favor) because I already took mine and Im having technical difficulties logging on to his attendance. In our messages earlier, he can tell that my tone was just y at this point.

 

Tonight we talked but he is still mad and he started cursing at me in Tagalog and it really hit me hard, he said he is sick and tired of my attitude and even brought up as to why im being bullied before. He resorted to calling things off and I was begging him to stay calm, eventually he acted petty and went to sleep. He warned me that if I called, I'll get blocked and if i plan on going to his place, he wont open the door.

 

When it comes to us arguing I always feel so tongue-tied and have nothing to say which just makes me look stupid infront of him. Even if I say that theres no need for him to say those things, he always says that he doesnt care. Im still holding on to what we have and lately this is maybe just because we barely see each other now due to quarantine, but at the same Im close to letting go and I have a fear for regretting if I let him go. The thought of it made me imagine how depressed I would be like how I experienced in my previous relationship.

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hello cherylyn, I agree that he has a mistake of blowing the argument out of proportion but I feel like when I messaged him earlier in the morning I kinda threw a little fit on him. We both have the same college program and have the same schedule, our routine every morning was for me to wake him up for classes, that day was out of the ordinary; I somewhat told him to take the attendance himself (the favor) because I already took mine and Im having technical difficulties logging on to his attendance. In our messages earlier, he can tell that my tone was just y at this point.

 

Tonight we talked but he is still mad and he started cursing at me in Tagalog and it really hit me hard, he said he is sick and tired of my attitude and even brought up as to why im being bullied before. He resorted to calling things off and I was begging him to stay calm, eventually he acted petty and went to sleep. He warned me that if I called, I'll get blocked and if i plan on going to his place, he wont open the door.

 

When it comes to us arguing I always feel so tongue-tied and have nothing to say which just makes me look stupid infront of him. Even if I say that theres no need for him to say those things, he always says that he doesnt care. Im still holding on to what we have and lately this is maybe just because we barely see each other now due to quarantine, but at the same Im close to letting go and I have a fear for regretting if I let him go. The thought of it made me imagine how depressed I would be like how I experienced in my previous relationship.

 

His behavior is unacceptable. He calls you stupid, curses at you and you're his verbal punching bag. Since he's sick and tired of you, do him and yourself a favor and call it quits. Break up with him. If he blocks you as usual, block him back and delete him from your life. He's abusing you. How much more abuse can you take from him? Kick him out of your life. Don't go to his place. Don't deal with him anymore. Block and delete him. You're done.

 

He revealed his true, real despicable character to you. COVID-19 pandemic, lock down, quarantine did you a favor. Now is the time to block and delete him forever and permanently. Be dead serious.

 

He doesn't exercise self control and self discipline. Whenever he spews out of his mouth or writes, it's a reflection of his despicable character and mind. I've known people like him. He doesn't care. Don't hold onto anything because there's nothing to hold onto. He treats you with repeated nasty disrespect. You won't have any regrets because you need to tell yourself that you deserve to be treated as if you matter with common decency, common courtesy and utmost respect. Anything less is a real deal breaker.

 

It's better to give yourself respect and peace by disassociating yourself from toxic people, men, him, etc. Be strong and tough. Never allow anyone to push you around and downgrade you.

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His behavior is unacceptable. He calls you stupid, curses at you and you're his verbal punching bag. Since he's sick and tired of you, do him and yourself a favor and call it quits. Break up with him. If he blocks you as usual, block him back and delete him from your life. He's abusing you. How much more abuse can you take from him? Kick him out of your life. Don't go to his place. Don't deal with him anymore. Block and delete him. You're done.

 

He revealed his true, real despicable character to you. COVID-19 pandemic, lock down, quarantine did you a favor. Now is the time to block and delete him forever and permanently. Be dead serious.

 

He doesn't exercise self control and whatever he spews out of his mouth or writes, is a reflection of his despicable character and mind. I've known people like him. He doesn't care. Don't hold onto anything because there's nothing to hold onto. He treats you with repeated nasty disrespect. You won't have any regrets because you need to tell yourself that you deserve to be treated as if you matter with common decency, common courtesy and utmost respect. Anything less is a real deal breaker.

 

It's better to give yourself respect and peace by disassociating yourself from toxic people, men, him, etc. Be strong and tough. Never allow anyone to push you around and downgrade you.

 

*sigh* is there any way for this to be fixed? I am taking the consideration of breaking up but I feel like theres something I can do to make him to listen to me about his character, on how he constantly pushes me away whenever we fight to almost resulting to break ups.

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*sigh* is there any way for this to be fixed? I am taking the consideration of breaking up but I feel like theres something I can do to make him to listen to me about his character, on how he constantly pushes me away whenever we fight to almost resulting to break ups.

 

Ha! NO, he'll never change and he cannot be fixed! He is who he is. He treats you like garbage. Return the favor and dump him!

 

Never waste your time, energy and money on a man who acts like a monster.

 

Be kind to yourself. A break up creates peace for you and makes you feel safe and protected from harm and abuse. Estrangement is enforced boundaries.

 

He calls you stupid, blocks you and acts disdainfully. It's your turn to block and delete him permanently. Be done with him. He's not worth it.

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we're talking right now and its really my fault for acting up on him. he still continues to curse at me in our language and im panicking because he is now resorting into a break up

 

Just because you had a bad day doesn't mean you should be nailed to the cross/crucified. This is overkill. This is manipulation and abuse. The right guy would of handled it with understanding and asked you if you are ok. Your BF relishes in the control he has over you, knowing he can make you upset and feel bad. This guy is a jerk....he's mean and does it intentionally. That's not love, that's not respect...you putting up with it is low self worth. Come on now! you know you are better than this! This guy ain't worth your time or your head space.

 

The only way to fix this is to dump him.

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hello cherylyn, I agree that he has a mistake of blowing the argument out of proportion but I feel like when I messaged him earlier in the morning I kinda threw a little fit on him. We both have the same college program and have the same schedule, our routine every morning was for me to wake him up for classes, that day was out of the ordinary; I somewhat told him to take the attendance himself (the favor) because I already took mine and Im having technical difficulties logging on to his attendance. In our messages earlier, he can tell that my tone was just y at this point.

 

Tonight we talked but he is still mad and he started cursing at me in Tagalog and it really hit me hard, he said he is sick and tired of my attitude and even brought up as to why im being bullied before. He resorted to calling things off and I was begging him to stay calm, eventually he acted petty and went to sleep. He warned me that if I called, I'll get blocked and if i plan on going to his place, he wont open the door.

 

When it comes to us arguing I always feel so tongue-tied and have nothing to say which just makes me look stupid infront of him. Even if I say that theres no need for him to say those things, he always says that he doesnt care. Im still holding on to what we have and lately this is maybe just because we barely see each other now due to quarantine, but at the same Im close to letting go and I have a fear for regretting if I let him go. The thought of it made me imagine how depressed I would be like how I experienced in my previous relationship.

 

Why is this your responsibility, is he 5? Doesn't he know how to set an alarm?

 

Honestly, I do not understand why you have allowed any of this for so long.

 

He sounds like an abusive, disrespectful jerk. Dump him!

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Now that we know what was the favour he asked of you, I can't help but think it's very unreasonable for him to expect you to serve as his alarm clock when you had very little sleep (after he discovered that you had very little sleep!). I'm sorry, OP. I think a decent person would have brushed this off and laughed at the blooper. It's one attendance or one skipped attendance for class. To call off an entire relationship and verbally lash out at you is absurd and ridiculous.

 

If you break up with him and feel sad, it's normal and it's ok. That feeling will pass and you'll move on to better things. Don't keep dating the same kind of abusive person though. Learn from the experience.

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