Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I was searching for something on my dads [50m] laptop, and I noticed weird site, which looked like a casual forum or dating site. There was also a nickname saved in the logging window but no password. When I asked what it was, he told that he didnt know and he saw this for the first time, so obviously some spam. But my brother told me he saw this exact site there approx 3 yrs ago, so he might have been lying. When I entered this laptop a few hours later, the saved logname was gone, it was probably deleted. I am a little scared what this is, should I tell my mom? [50f]

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your mom and dad‘s relationship is with each other not with you and your brother. Unless you think it would be fair for them to get in the middle of you and your relationship with someone else. Also if you get involved you make an enemy out of each of your parents or your dad. Maybe your mom knows and she’s turned a blind eye to it? Maybe your parents are swingers who knows. But just because you are somebody’s child doesn’t mean you need to be involved in their relationship with each other. They have a relationship independent of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

None of your business, it's between them two to figure out their issues or whatever is going on between them. This habit of snooping has got to stop as well.

You respect other people's privacy. You don't look through their computer, phone, etc. Mind your own business.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Seriously stay out of their business and stop snooping. You really know nothing about their marriage even though you live with them. Remember, they navigated a whole relationship long before they had you and they will have one after you move out. It is their relationship, not yours. Butt out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It probably takes a pretty big person to step away from something like that especially if it concerns your parents. I don't blame you for feeling upset and hurt for seeing that. Talk about trust issues down the line too in your own relationships.

 

I don't think talking to your mum about it will stop any of your dad's behaviours if he's doing anything he shouldn't. You've already spoken to your dad so let it be. Let things unravel on their own and don't get too involved at this point. Don't assume either. Not your place. Just carry on as best you can but I feel for you especially if you have no clue what's going on.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

it could be anything he must be looking out for some plans for your mom, looking for advices, may be giving out too who knows.

 

do a favor to yourself, tell dad to create a separate laptop user account for you to login and work, you both need privacy i guess incase you dont have your own laptop.

 

let it go...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a different take on this than most posters here. I have a close relationship with my parents. We don't interfere with each other's relationships, but if my mom or dad accidentally finds that my S/O is cheating and just stays out of it and not let me know? I'd be pretty upset when I find out. Same thing with a close friend. Feels like some kind of betrayal if they could help me see a cheater but choose not to. There can be health consequences such as STDs as well.

 

Your situation is a bit different as you don't know for sure if there's something going on. Also it's your mom and your dad, presumably two of the most important individuals in your life - no matter what you do it could be seen as picking sides and the one you didn't side with could become resentful. It is indeed a tricky situation and I think eventually only you and maybe your siblings know what's the best to do. How are your relationships with each of your parents? Do you think they are possibly having an open marriage? Do you think your mom would be the kind of person who has zero tolerance for infidelity or someone who would rather not know? I won't blame you for "snooping" though. Sometimes you see things accidentally and you can't just unsee them. Even if you don't say or do anything it has probably already stained your relationship with your dad unless both of you can fully forget this incident, but I doubt either will.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have a different take on this than most posters here. I have a close relationship with my parents. We don't interfere with each other's relationships, but if my mom or dad accidentally finds that my S/O is cheating and just stays out of it and not let me know? I'd be pretty upset when I find out. Same thing with a close friend. Feels like some kind of betrayal if they could help me see a cheater but choose not to. There can be health consequences such as STDs as well.

 

Your situation is a bit different as you don't know for sure if there's something going on. Also it's your mom and your dad, presumably two of the most important individuals in your life - no matter what you do it could be seen as picking sides and the one you didn't side with could become resentful. It is indeed a tricky situation and I think eventually only you and maybe your siblings know what's the best to do. How are your relationships with each of your parents? Do you think they are possibly having an open marriage? Do you think your mom would be the kind of person who has zero tolerance for infidelity or someone who would rather not know? I won't blame you for "snooping" though. Sometimes you see things accidentally and you can't just unsee them. Even if you don't say or do anything it has probably already stained your relationship with your dad unless both of you can fully forget this incident, but I doubt either will.

 

Really thoughtful response... a lot of what you said resonates with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone who had a parent cheat ( and yes caught them for sure) it is ugly. Stay out of it. I have a great close relationship with my mom and a once a year one with my dad. ( dad was the cheater amongst other things)

Link to post
Share on other sites

OP, I have to wonder how old you are?

 

100%- STAY OUT OF THIS!!!!!

 

1. You have NOTHING to base anything on. You don't even know what you saw. Not to sound mean, but a lot of older people aren't great at operating computers. It is entirely possible it was just a pop up. You are making some serious assumptions based on nothing.

 

2. It may have been porn, but who cares? In my experience and IMVHO, the majority of men look at porn.

 

3. Parents and children should stay out of each other's sex lives. Period. It's creepy. Would you want your parents to know every single sexual thought, fantasy, experience of yours? And then TALKING to you about it if they disapprove? If the answer is no (as it ought to be) then you should stay out of this completely. You don't know what your parents sexual boundaries are with each other. Many women are fine with their husband looking at porn. Some are fine with it as long as they don't know about it. Some people have arrangements with each other that they just don't talk about. Example- I know a guy who swings with his wife- they are emotionally devoted to each other, but have a sexually open marriage. And their kids do NOT know about it! And incredible as it may sound to you, different couples have different definitions of what "cheating" is. Unless you absolutely without QUESTION know what those are (and you probably don't), it's none of your business. Some people have low sex drives and are fine with their partner exploring other options (real or fantasy) as long as they are devoted to them emotionally.

 

Your parents are 50, they are grown ups. Leave this alone. No good can come from this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Update: I noticed my dad has probably had this account since year 2009. The website says that he has logged more than 1400 hours by chatting, so approximately 20 minutes a day. I also noticed that at this site, he has a female friend added, who joined the site at the same day my dad did. Any thoughts, suggestions about it?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Talk to him. This is circumstantial. Taking 11 yrs ago is no good but you have proof of nothing.

Update: I noticed my dad has probably had this account since year 2009. The website says that he has logged more than 1400 hours by chatting, so approximately 20 minutes a day. I also noticed that at this site, he has a female friend added, who joined the site at the same day my dad did. Any thoughts, suggestions about it?
Link to post
Share on other sites
Im sorry, but I dont get your point. I know it is not polite to snoop around, but isnt that a little bit weird? Cheating for 10 years and you are blaming me for snooping around?

 

Your father isn’t here talking to us ,you are. Why would I advise you to keep doing something wrong that you’re already doing. Your parents private relationship is not your business. When you get married are your parents allowed to interfere between you and your wife?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...