How long should it take to get over someone

[LSL]

Oh yeah, totally normal. Anger is a healthy emotion but don't keep it in. It means you probably have a healthy sense of what's right and wrong internally! If it pisses you off, you know what you're not sticking around for. Don't ever feel bad about that. You'll probably go through naturally all the things that have made you upset. How you process that is up to you but eventually you'll have to know what to take and what to discard. Don't hold on to everything or coddle wrongs done to you or let the pain fester. When you're done, let it go - take the lessons.

 

What I used to do was journal, play loud music, veg with movies, starfish it on the couch and cried my heart out... and I also relied on Campbell's for my nutritional needs for a few weeks.

 

Keep your chin up. There is NO race. Don't play into that and don't care what others are doing.

 

Yeah at first when it happened I was overthinking everything and thinking God was it me what have I done wrong and now I think no I shouldnt have to change for anyone and I know I was a good partner etc

 

But now I've lost 2 stone in weight I've been running/walking eating healthy and just trying to stay positive as hard as it has been haha, but alot of friends/family have said I should be proud of myself at how I'm coming through this and how strong I actually am and that meant alot to hear that

[No1]

How fast or slow really depends on you. If you are going to keep a candle near his picture and praying for him to come back, then your healing is going to go a little slow. If you accept its over and dust yourself off and work on you, then it might go faster.

Now the exact time, no one knows.. I cant tell you its going to take 9 months, 3 days, 14hrs 12 min. But what I can tell you is that if you purge him from your life, meaning you delete everything from your phone, and delete him from your social media, don't look at his social media, discard of anything you have or that he gave you that provokes an emotion, and you decide to work on you. Then your healing will go by quicker than it is now.

I think the problem is that when our X creeps into our head, we let that emotion dwell and until it takes over and affects us. So what you do is learn to mediate...Nothing deep but make sure its effective. And if your X creeps into your thoughts. You accept its there and don't question why its there, then you slow down, breathe deep and think of something positive and as you exhale, you imagine the stress leaving your body. Learn Yoga or tai chi. Whatever gets your mind off of the emotion and not your X. Remember, its your brain playing tricks on you so you just have to be stronger than the moment.

Getting hurt sucks. That's why its the most common themes in songs and in poems, there are tons of books and it has been going on thru the days of the caveman.. Like when Ugh, decided that Ehh was better and dumped Rarah. (its a long caveman story)

But you can get thru this. How soon? Up to you.

[LSL]

How fast or slow really depends on you. If you are going to keep a candle near his picture and praying for him to come back, then your healing is going to go a little slow. If you accept its over and dust yourself off and work on you, then it might go faster.

Now the exact time, no one knows.. I cant tell you its going to take 9 months, 3 days, 14hrs 12 min. But what I can tell you is that if you purge him from your life, meaning you delete everything from your phone, and delete him from your social media, don't look at his social media, discard of anything you have or that he gave you that provokes an emotion, and you decide to work on you. Then your healing will go by quicker than it is now.

I think the problem is that when our X creeps into our head, we let that emotion dwell and until it takes over and affects us. So what you do is learn to mediate...Nothing deep but make sure its effective. And if your X creeps into your thoughts. You accept its there and don't question why its there, then you slow down, breathe deep and think of something positive and as you exhale, you imagine the stress leaving your body. Learn Yoga or tai chi. Whatever gets your mind off of the emotion and not your X. Remember, its your brain playing tricks on you so you just have to be stronger than the moment.

Getting hurt sucks. That's why its the most common themes in songs and in poems, there are tons of books and it has been going on thru the days of the caveman.. Like when Ugh, decided that Ehh was better and dumped Rarah. (its a long caveman story)

But you can get thru this. How soon? Up to you.

 

Yeah I have defo accepted it's over I mean at the start I was broken like a complete mess but I am alot better now

 

I think its in a sense you are grieving for the life you once had and when it changes at the flick of a switch you are completely lost but I've got good friends and family around me and also work colleagues who keep me going and they all tell me there is a massive difference in me and that I should be proud of myself which is really nice to hear that people can notice it.

 

But your right I suppose there is no timescale or deadline of when you need to be over it by?

[No1]

Yeah I have defo accepted it's over I mean at the start I was broken like a complete mess but I am alot better now

 

I think its in a sense you are grieving for the life you once had and when it changes at the flick of a switch you are completely lost but I've got good friends and family around me and also work colleagues who keep me going and they all tell me there is a massive difference in me and that I should be proud of myself which is really nice to hear that people can notice it.

 

But your right I suppose there is no timescale or deadline of when you need to be over it by?

 

 

A lot of people miss the Idea that was taken from them. Maybe that's what you are missing. The idea of that perfect or happy relationship and not the person itself.

People think that since the person is gone, the idea is gone. But one must realize that its not. The wonderful, happy, loving relationship is still there, but its only going to be with a different person.

Example would be that one has an idea of starting a family, buying a house and being happy with that person but after a break up.. all that goes away. In fact the only thing that changed is the person. The idea of starting a family and buying a house is still a reality.

So are you mourning the loss of the idea or the person?

[LSL]

A lot of people miss the Idea that was taken from them. Maybe that's what you are missing. The idea of that perfect or happy relationship and not the person itself.

People think that since the person is gone, the idea is gone. But one must realize that its not. The wonderful, happy, loving relationship is still there, but its only going to be with a different person.

Example would be that one has an idea of starting a family, buying a house and being happy with that person but after a break up.. all that goes away. In fact the only thing that changed is the person. The idea of starting a family and buying a house is still a reality.

So are you mourning the loss of the idea or the person?

 

I think because we were so close to buying a house we had our deposit all saved and we were viewing houses etc and its supposed to be such a happy time in your life and then it feels like it's just been all taken away from you.

 

And I think I am just panicking because I am 30 now and alot of my friends are all settled with partners kids and I've always wanted that.

 

I think I am mourning the loss of him and I know I shouldn't be because how he ended it and things he said were really hurtful. In a way it feels I have wasted 6 years of my life because when he ended it he said he didnt want a future with me anymore and didnt want to have kids with me so that totally broke me and it is still tough some days thinking about it.