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Anxiety Help - Journal


boltnrun
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Things are getting more and more tense around here. If I make any noise at all my brother complains. He complains that I'm using up the wifi bandwidth. He complains about my cat making noise. He complains about everything I do or say. This just started a couple of weeks ago. He seems to be getting angrier by the day.

He knows I'm moving out. But he's complaining because the process of moving out is going to be intrusive.  And noisy. Well, I can't move out without making noise!

11 more days. And I wonder if we'll have any relationship left at all the end of this.

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34 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I would tell him, no problem after 11 days you won’t see me again . 

I don't want that. I want us to have a good relationship.  I am here WAY longer than I expected to be. I get it's annoying to have a sister lurking around. But he is being very snippy and is super critical of everything I do. So it's good I'm getting out before our relationship deteriorates any further.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I don't want that. I want us to have a good relationship.  I am here WAY longer than I expected to be. I get it's annoying to have a sister lurking around. But he is being very snippy and is super critical of everything I do. So it's good I'm getting out before our relationship deteriorates any further.

Maybe just give him a lot of space after you move and wait for him to contact you . 

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Just now, Seraphim said:

Maybe just give him a lot of space after you move and wait for him to contact you . 

That's a good idea.

Maybe with some time he won't be so angry.

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So tired today.

If I disclosed why you'd all call the men in the white coats to come get me lol. So let's just say it's something that happened while I was sleeping and leave it at that.

Moving day one week from tomorrow! I have SO much to do!

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1 minute ago, dias said:

Get well soon! Maybe get half a day off and rest?

I'm not actually  sick. I just didn't sleep the way I needed to last night.

I'm paid hourly so since I work at home I'll just finish out the day.

Thanks for the good wishes 🙂

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I hate to seem ungrateful. But...

So I went to the store today and when I got back I noticed some dishes that I'd left in the sink for me to wash later tonight were sitting on the draining mat to dry.  Some of my brother's dishes were also drying.  I guess he was washing his dishes and decided to be nice and wash mine too.

So why is that a problem?  See, my brother is very "frugal" with some things and extravagant with others. One quirk he has is he will fill the sink with dish soap and water to wash dishes, but instead of draining the sink when he's done he will leave the water in the sink for DAYS.  The water is no longer clean but is full of bits food, grease and a tiny little bit of remaining soap.  It's a cloudy reddish gray color.  He will reuse that water for DAYS.  He keeps throwing dirty dishes into the water so every day it gets more and more filthy, so much so that the water he used today actually stinks like rotting food.  That is the water he used to wash my dishes.

Sorry, but I just find that so disgusting.  Those dishes were NOT clean, they had been wiped with water full of food and grease and then set out to dry.

Fortunately he went upstairs so I could stealth re-wash my dishes.

I know he was trying to do something nice and I really appreciate the thought.  But sorry, I had to re-wash those dishes.

Oh, and he STILL didn't drain the water.  It's sitting there waiting for him to use it to wash more dishes.

Ugh...

I move into my new apartment at the end of this week.  Really looking forward to being in my own place with my own kitchen!

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11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I move into my new apartment at the end of this week.  Really looking forward to being in my own place with my own kitchen!

That sounds so hard ugh!  At least you're moving out, congrats on that!

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20 hours ago, boltnrun said:

But sorry, I had to re-wash those dishes.

I would have done the same thing.

20 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Oh, and he STILL didn't drain the water.  It's sitting there waiting for him to use it to wash more dishes.

Barf.

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I'm moved into my new apartment.  It's tiny and on a super busy intersection and there's noise all hours of the day and night and the Command strips I used to hang my wall clocks failed (TWO broken clocks...) and I am HAPPY! Yes, so far I really like it here.

Unfortunately my cousin is angry with me. I guess she thinks I just bailed on them when the truth is, there are very few rentals in the price they are willing to pay in the area they want to live in. We searched for 3 months and found nothing. But she seems angry. Oh well. Hopefully she can move past her anger. I love her and I hope she knows that.

But, I truly like it here so far!

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I finally unpacked the last two remaining moving boxes that had kitchen stuff in them. No more blocking a section of the kitchen! I still have some things in boxes and a half full suitcase in the closet, but when you move from 1350 square feet to 450 some things are not going to be unpacked. Luckily I have a pretty large walk in closet.

I do still have things in storage and they are going to have to continue to live there because there just isn't room for them here.

So, my brother was just given a 60 day notice to vacate the house he's been renting for 7 years (that I had been staying in until 2 weeks ago). He is STRESSED. The rental market here is just awful and the buyers market is just as bad. He literally has no idea where he's going to live. The house is a 5 bedroom 4 bath and he's been paying way below market. If he wants even just a 3 bedroom he will be paying about $1200 more per month than he's paying now. Poor guy...good thing I got out when I did or we both would be up a creek. I hope something works out for him.

Still loving living here!

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I essentially "fired" my psychiatrist lol. I will not be seeing him anymore. I have been tapering off the medication. I am down to 25 mg (from 100 originally) and will take the last dose tomorrow.  I needed to be under the care of a medical doctor to be on the medication but that's over now! I am having trouble sleeping because I'd become physically dependent on the med for sleep but I will adjust.

I will have one more session with the psychologist next month and then stop that as well. I feel kind of sad because I'll miss her, but I am doing so well I don't really need talk therapy anymore.

Love my new apartment, love the neighborhood, love exploring around here. Job is going well. Hoping things continue to go well!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm so glad I moved out when I did.  I love my brother but when things don't go the way he thinks they should he becomes extremely angry and frustrated and acts out. We both have tempers and have trouble dealing with frustration. But when he's like this it's better to be away from him. As I'm sure it's better to be away from me when I'm frustrated. 

Some dear friends are visiting next week. I can't wait to see them. I haven't seen them in nearly 2 years.

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My brother is angry. He got roped into another scam and now things he planned to do cannot happen until the situation gets resolved.

He is an easy target for scammers because he wants everything to be easy and to happen NOW!!!! So he doesn't look closely when a deal seems too good to be true. He just jumps on it because he thinks things should be easy and fast. He's been scammed more times than I can count, all because he's in such a hurry all the time.

I can't say anything because then he turns his anger and frustration on me. He loves to give advice and suggestions but does not receive them well. This isn't an abnormal or unusual trait by any means. But I know he would not take kindly to any advice or suggestions I offer. So I just gave him sympathy and wished him better luck.

I do feel a bit bad to be relieved I don't live with him anymore. He tends to yell and curse and slam things when he's angry and frustrated and I don't want to be around that. Not right now. I want my calm.

I hope he can settle down and work things out, but maybe be a bit more cautious this time. 

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I had suggested he hire a professional to help him with the process but he said he didn't want to pay for it. So he ended up getting scammed. 

He's going to try again and again won't hire a professional.  

I can't help him when he's determined to keep making the same bad decision. He didn't ask for my help anyway.  But he will complain and unload to me!

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