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boltnrun
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And this work is critical. If I make a mistake or enter a character incorrectly or put something in the wrong place,  it literally could cost someone their life. So it's not like I can just go into the system and try on my own to do a task. I have to get it right.

Lordy...

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

And this work is critical. If I make a mistake or enter a character incorrectly or put something in the wrong place,  it literally could cost someone their life. So it's not like I can just go into the system and try on my own to do a task. I have to get it right.

Lordy...

That would be scary and frustrating. 

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My brother is screaming curse words, slamming doors and cabinet doors and kicking things and throwing things because he can't get his computer to work. I am trying to work from home while he's acting like this. His son is also attending an online class.

I need to get out of here asap.

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38 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Hugs . 

Thank you.

He apologized later but jeez. That behavior is not OK.

He told me he always leaves his laptop on with up to 20 different documents and programs open because he doesn't want to bother saving and closing things out. Well, no wonder it gets bogged down!  You can't blame something for not working if you're not using it correctly. But I know better than to tell him this because he gets angry if someone suggests he isn't doing something right. He says things should just work!

Ugh.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Thank you.

He apologized later but jeez. That behavior is not OK.

He told me he always leaves his laptop on with up to 20 different documents and programs open because he doesn't want to bother saving and closing things out. Well, no wonder it gets bogged down!  You can't blame something for not working if you're not using it correctly. But I know better than to tell him this because he gets angry if someone suggests he isn't doing something right. He says things should just work!

Ugh.

Unfortunately in those circumstances all we can do is keep quiet. Hopefully you move soon . 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm going to be more positive from now on.

I got some training at work.  Not all the training I need but at least I can actually do some work.

It's been "challenging" trying to find a rental house to share with my cousins.  But I think we will find something we can all agree on in the next month or so.

I spent a wonderful two days with my son and his spouse last weekend.  We went to brunch, walked along the beach and then went to their home to watch a couple of movies.  And my son cooked dinner, which was delicious!

My psychiatrist decided to gradually wean me off my medication.  Since the two things I feared most (having to work in that unsafe workplace and getting Covid) are resolved I really am not afraid anymore!  So he feels I am ready to slowly go off the medication.  He has a 6 week plan to wean me off.  I started on the lower dose about 5 days ago and other than not being able to sleep quite as well as I did before I have no other ill effects.  And I'm less groggy during the day which is a big plus!

And my new job allows me to work from home, which is great in many ways and not so great in some others (unreliable wifi connection).  But I really, really appreciate being able to do this.  It saves time, money and relieves stress from commuting and having to be in an office environment with others (although there are very few people who work in person on my floor).

I got my stimulus money!  I used most of it to pay down my credit card and some money I owe to the IRS.  I just plain forgot to pay the IRS when I had the money so I am starting to pay it off now.

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I will be eligible to get the vaccine starting April 1st!  I am exceedingly excited.

Now, I know it will be challenging getting an appointment.  But I am very tenacious.  I will get up in the middle of the night if I have to.  I want that vaccine!

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It feels so WEIRD when work isn't busy and I'm working from home.  I mean, is it acceptable to watch TV when I have no tasks to complete or would that be inappropriate?  

If I were working in the office I guess I'd just be sitting there waiting for someone to give me some work. BTDT. I was told if I didn't have any work to do I could clock out early but I want my money!  I was hired to work full time. It's not my fault my supervisor took a long weekend (without telling me!) and therefore there's no one to assign tasks to me.

I am extremely grateful to be able to work from home. I am definitely not complaining.  It just feels weird, that's all.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got my first vaccine shot yesterday!  I am super happy!

Side effects?  Arm pain (not too bad at all considering I have a torn rotator cuff in the same shoulder.  THAT hurts!), some fatigue, some lightheadedness.  But I am a ball of energy anyway because I am so mentally stoked.

I have a list of chores and errands to do today before I leave to spend 2 weeks with my son and his spouse.  I plan to get it all done but not force myself to do it all quickly.  One of my biggest flaws is I only have one speed which is what I call "panic speed".  I do EVERYTHING fast!  Too fast sometimes.  For example, I hate having a messy kitchen with dirty dishes, pots or pans and things on the countertops.  So I have a (bad) habit of starting to clean up while I still am chewing the last bite of my meal.  It's weird, I know.  So I am trying very hard to SLOW DOWN!  The world won't end if I don't get my errands done in .0685 minutes.

Hope you all are having a good weekend.  For those who celebrate, Happy Easter!

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7 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So I have a (bad) habit of starting to clean up while I still am chewing the last bite of my meal. 

I do things like that, too. I have to remind myself that multitasking isn't 100% good 100% of the time.

Enjoy your visit!

How did you tear your rotator cuff?

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  • 2 weeks later...

The past few nights I've been kept awake by a barking dog.  The dog barks non stop for literally hours.  I go back and forth between being annoyed at being kept awake and pity for the poor dog. We have coyotes in this area, plus it gets down to the 30s overnight so it's too cold for a dog to be outside all night. I can't tell exactly which yard the dog is in. And the dog doesn't seem to bark during the day so I haven't been able find it that way.

I don't know why its owners don't let it inside. And what I REALLY fear is it belonged to the neighbors across the street who moved out about 10 days ago. If they left it behind that would be so inhumane. Left behind with no shelter and possibly no food or water? Horrible.

I'm going to try to locate it this afternoon. Poor thing. 

And yeah, I'm exhausted. Inadequate sleep.

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43 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The past few nights I've been kept awake by a barking dog.  The dog barks non stop for literally hours.  I go back and forth between being annoyed at being kept awake and pity for the poor dog.

Wow!  If it's just left in the yard or something and the neighbors don't care, I think they make dog whistles that can help with that... but you'd have to research it.  Think they're called silencers or something.

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I'm tired of being afraid of everything.

I'm tired of being afraid of touching anything.  I'm tired of being afraid to walk on the floor inside the house because my brother went to Costco and set his shopping bags down on the floor.  I'm tired of not being able to find things because I threw them on the floor of my car because I was afraid to touch them.  I'm tired of doing weird things like wiping down the table at outdoor dining restaurants with a disinfectant wipe.  I'm tired of using a kleenex or napkin to open my car door because I think I'll get Covid on my hand.  I'm tired of worrying about getting into my car because it hasn't been 48 hours since I was last in there and some Covid might be on the seat.  I'm tired of wiping down my groceries.  I'm tired of being fearful and acting weird.

I thought since I already had Covid some of this nonsense would end.  I thought after getting the first vaccine shot I'd stop.  But it's not stopping.  I'm still doing all this stupid stuff and I am so afraid I will be like this forever.

I am still seeing the psychologist and the psychiatrist and am still on medication because I'm not doing as well as I think I should be.

I envy people who aren't afraid.  I'd love to be one of them.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I found an apartment! 

It's tiny but updated and very modern, clean. New appliances and a farmhouse sink. I even like the color of the laminate flooring. Location is prime too. I will move a week from this Friday.

And not a minute too soon. My brother is getting increasingly critical, nit picky and irritable toward me and my cat. Nothing I say or do is acceptable. And every time I mention doing something such as clearing out my storage unit he says "As long as you don't expect me to help you". I didn't ask for help! So yeah, it's definitely time for me to be out of here. 

But I'm excited about my new place. I feel my anxiety and fear are well controlled enough for me to live alone again. And my son is only about 5 miles away.

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18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I found an apartment! 

It's tiny but updated and very modern, clean. New appliances and a farmhouse sink. I even like the color of the laminate flooring. Location is prime too. I will move a week from this Friday.

And not a minute too soon. My brother is getting increasingly critical, nit picky and irritable toward me and my cat. Nothing I say or do is acceptable. And every time I mention doing something such as clearing out my storage unit he says "As long as you don't expect me to help you". I didn't ask for help! So yeah, it's definitely time for me to be out of here. 

But I'm excited about my new place. I feel my anxiety and fear are well controlled enough for me to live alone again. And my son is only about 5 miles away.

That sounds awesome !! I would be excited too! 

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21 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

That sounds awesome !! I would be excited too! 

Thank you! It will be a new adventure.  I lived in this same city last year at the height of both the pandemic and my debilitating anxiety, so I never actually enjoyed it. This time should be much better.

And I'm literally a block and a half from the ocean!

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6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Thank you! It will be a new adventure.  I lived in this same city last year at the height of both the pandemic and my debilitating anxiety, so I never actually enjoyed it. This time should be much better.

And I'm literally a block and a half from the ocean!

Oh my goodness you are so so lucky !! I live right on the shore of Lake Ontario, but the lake is very cold usually. But I am very lucky to live in a very beautiful region with tonnes of nature and water . My new region when I move will be just as nice . 

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That sounds amazing.

I had planned a trip to Vancouver but for obvious reasons it didn't happen. I live in the Western part of the US and since I don't fly well I was trying to minimize flight time!  I've heard Canada has some amazing scenery. I'm really big on beautiful scenery and especially parks, gardens and the ocean. I was planning to go to Stanley Park, for example. I also heard Vancouver is a very "cosmopolitan" city.

Maybe someday!

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24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That sounds amazing.

I had planned a trip to Vancouver but for obvious reasons it didn't happen. I live in the Western part of the US and since I don't fly well I was trying to minimize flight time!  I've heard Canada has some amazing scenery. I'm really big on beautiful scenery and especially parks, gardens and the ocean. I was planning to go to Stanley Park, for example. I also heard Vancouver is a very "cosmopolitan" city.

Maybe someday!

I used to go to Stanley park every Sunday as a kid . My dad’s ashes are there at Third Beach. Vancouver is beautiful. All of Canada is so beautiful. 
 

I have been to about 30 US states . 

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3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I used to go to Stanley park every Sunday as a kid . My dad’s ashes are there at Third Beach. Vancouver is beautiful. All of Canada is so beautiful. 
 

I have been to about 30 US states . 

Wow, that is a lot! I've only been to 10 states and 1 foreign country (Mexico).

I have a hard time flying not because I'm nervous or afraid but because I have such severe motion sickness. I have to keep my eyes closed the entire flight. Which wouldn't be a problem if I could sleep but I can't sleep on an airplane. Really restricts my travel.  I'll have to try some kind of medication if I'm ever comfortable enough to fly again post-pandemic.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Wow, that is a lot! I've only been to 10 states and 1 foreign country (Mexico).

I have a hard time flying not because I'm nervous or afraid but because I have such severe motion sickness. I have to keep my eyes closed the entire flight. Which wouldn't be a problem if I could sleep but I can't sleep on an airplane. Really restricts my travel.  I'll have to try some kind of medication if I'm ever comfortable enough to fly again post-pandemic.

I hear you. I used to fly no problem but after my nervous breakdown 8 years ago my claustrophobia became so severe I literally couldn’t fly. But the last time I got on a military flight I actually did ok . If the CRA accepts my son’s disability claim and my husband gets a lot back on taxes we are going to Europe when allowed. His last uncle is in the UK and my husband LOVED Italy and we want to go there. 

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