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Anxiety Help - Journal


boltnrun
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Good luck and safe travels bolt!

I just read this thread and though you might be awfully busy I wanted to just chime in.

 

Long time anxiety sufferer here. .though mostly under control.

 

I wanted to touch on those moments when you least expect it and the anxiety rises and you can't explain what triggers it. Feeling frustrated because if you could identify it maybe you could control it more. Am I close?

 

I remember when I first started experiencing anxiety, I was in the grocery store, middle of the day and it was quiet. I am picking out rice and I started having a panic attack and had to leave the cart, leave the store and went straight home. It's so confusing and scary. How does rice cause a panic attack? As if things aren't bad enough, trying to sort out when it why it spikes is like trying to connect the dots that make no sense.

 

I spent some time in therapy and what I learned was the rice didn't cause the panic. Thankfully, because that it kinda crazy making imagining a lifetime of avoiding rice?

 

You currently have those moments you push through the anxiety. Your move, the decisions you have to make and all the changes. All those times you were perfectly capable, you were managing to set the anxiety aside to get things done. Then when it's quiet, whether you are doing a quiet webinar or picking out rice, that anxiety you stuffed comes back to bite you.

 

At some point you live with it long enough, you learn to compartmentalize it and disassociate yourself from what you are feeling. It becomes your coping mechanism. Problem is it's always there waiting for you. A therapist told me anxiety is typically something you are avoiding or not wanting to deal with.

 

Part of the solution is to not fight it. Address it in the moment, don't let it scare you. Acknowledge it for what it is. I had to learn to embrace it. I hated it for the longest time and fought it. It's much like quicksand. The more you fight it the more it pulls you down.

 

I had to accept that it was part of me and never going away. I think when I surrendered to it, it kind of lost a little bit of it's power. It helps me to even say it out loud. Something for work (remotely) didn't go well yesterday. I said out loud to my bf, 'that gives me anxiety'

 

I used to hide the fact that things made me anxious. There was some shame associated with it. It made me feel weak and crazy. But I learned I am neither. I am super capable and strong, but I run on the anxious side.

 

My therapist told me once that anxiety was my friend. Uhg, I wanted to scream. But it definitely keeps me accountable. I have learned I had to face things head on.

 

The weight loss is not only the loss of appetite, but when you are anxious you are in a fight or flight mode. During this mode your body is dumping large amounts of adrenaline and cortisol into your system. That burns calories. You should know that being in that state or arousal for long periods of time takes a toll on your body in the long run. I think of that when ever I find myself worked up. It motivates me to time out and chill down.

 

For now. . just be kind to yourself. Breath. . trust that this will pass.

It's a lot for you. . or anyone going through all the changes you are. Know that most of what you are experiencing is normal.

Hoping your drive is safe and things go smoothly. If I recall, you are moving west. . to my turf!

Welcome. We'll arrange for some nice weather for you.

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Thank you reinvent! That was wonderful.

 

I am here, the move was horrible and stressful and I lost my marbles a few times. My friend who came with me is a godsend. I would literally not have made it without her. More details later, I am exhausted and hoping to sleep.

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Thank you reinvent! That was wonderful.

 

I am here, the move was horrible and stressful and I lost my marbles a few times. My friend who came with me is a godsend. I would literally not have made it without her. More details later, I am exhausted and hoping to sleep.

 

Hope you had a good night's sleep. Friends like that are true true gems. I am sure you've been that friend to her too, or will be.

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Well, I got 3 hours despite being physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Panic attacks have begun with racing heart. I am doing a counting breathing thing to calm myself down. Still have a lot to deal with. Trying to unpack my belongings that were handled, set down in the street and on the sidewalk, the men walking in and out of my apartment with their dirty shoes. My friend and I are doing the "shoes here, no shoes here, shoes here again" thing. How do you unpack when you're afraid to touch your own belongings? I know, touch, wash hands, hand sanitize, wipe down...it's exhausting to be afraid all the time.

 

I hope soon I will stop being fearful of my own home.

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@seraphim, no, I don't want to go to a crowded hospital with sick people. That would really send me into a tailspin. I feel a bit better today. My friend was and is a tremendous help. She is an angel on earth.

 

I have wondered too about the virus being infectious on surfaces. So someone with the virus sneezes on a plastic item or on a cardboard box and 2 days later someone comes along and picks it up and gets the virus? It doesn't seem right that it can be just as infectious days later. But I accepted what the medicAL professionals and scientists were saying. I really don't know what to believe.

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@seraphim, no, I don't want to go to a crowded hospital with sick people. That would really send me into a tailspin. I feel a bit better today. My friend was and is a tremendous help. She is an angel on earth.

 

I have wondered too about the virus being infectious on surfaces. So someone with the virus sneezes on a plastic item or on a cardboard box and 2 days later someone comes along and picks it up and gets the virus? It doesn't seem right that it can be just as infectious days later. But I accepted what the medicAL professionals and scientists were saying. I really don't know what to believe.

 

I think they are saying now it's not easily transmitted that way -not that it's impossible. Makes sense to me that the main thing about transmission is when people are in close indoor places and are eating/talking/singing etc. I don't get concerned when I work out outdoors in the morning and a fellow runner runs by me briefly. Especially when it's windy/rainy out. I hope you feel better today!!

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So since I have been whining so much I wanted to report I am feeling better. I am about 90% moved out of my old home and living in my new apartment. Did 3-300 mile trips in 3 days. I was super anxious this morning before I started but now that I am here things seem calmer. I have a carload of my belongings to unload (too tired to do it tonight) plus unpacking what's already inside. But everything has been sitting since Wednesday so I feel OK about unpacking them tomorrow.

 

Only thing bugging me right now? My downstairs neighbor coughs almost constantly and the neighbor in the building next door sneezes a lot and my windows are partway open and I can't get to them because they are blocked by boxes and furniture. But I don't think the virus can float through ceilings or fly 10 feet upward.

 

Anyway, hoping for a really good night's sleep.

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Thank you everyone!

 

Woke up with anxiety (not surprising) but I now expect it so it's less debilitating. Got 5 hours of sleep which is way more than I've had in weeks. Unpacking/disinfecting day today! My son has my cat so I need to have everything cleaned and disinfected before I go pick her up. I miss my silly little kitty.

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Welcome back, anxiety!

 

So the internet installer calls. I had scheduled installation for today. I asked him if he had a mask and gloves. He said yes. I asked him if he would please remove his shoes before coming inside. He says no, it's against company policy. Sigh. So I rush to lay down some more plastic. He calls again to ask me which apartment I'm in. I say, there are only four in the building and I am upstairs on the left. He says front or back. I repeat, only four and I am upstairs on the left. He complains about the lack of parking and says he will call when he parks. Then he calls back to ask if I'm in the front or back. I say, UPSTAIRS ON THE LEFT. Turns out, the company gave him the wrong address! So I have no account set up. I have to call Monday to reschedule. He said there is no wiring so it will be a full install inside that will take a long time. Inside. With shoes on.

 

Why is there so much incompetence in the world???

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My downstairs neighbor has been coughing non stop. It's making me very nervous. I've been keeping my windows open because the weather is so nice. I hope these "droplets" don't travel 10 feet upward and fly thru my windows. It's breezy outside too. Great.

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My downstairs neighbor has been coughing non stop. It's making me very nervous. I've been keeping my windows open because the weather is so nice. I hope these "droplets" don't travel 10 feet upward and fly thru my windows. It's breezy outside too. Great.

 

Breezy dissipates the virus - very good. Check out the latest NPR article on 14 summer activities and the levels of risk of each -I thought it was so reasonable/logical.

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Strange that I haven't heard the neighbor coughing so much during the day. Maybe the cough is only bad at night? Or maybe they go somewhere else during the day (hopefully not work!)

 

I decided to sleep as late as I want to today. I have nothing set up. I probably have to run to the grocery store (shudders) and have to unload my car but that's it for "outside" chores. Still need to unbox my stuff.

 

Slept about 7 hours. It was glorious.

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Strange that I haven't heard the neighbor coughing so much during the day. Maybe the cough is only bad at night? Or maybe they go somewhere else during the day (hopefully not work!)

 

I decided to sleep as late as I want to today. I have nothing set up. I probably have to run to the grocery store (shudders) and have to unload my car but that's it for "outside" chores. Still need to unbox my stuff.

 

Slept about 7 hours. It was glorious.

 

So glad! It really helps!

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Thanks!

 

So my apartment is a vintage building. Probably built in the 1940's. The building leans. Like, leans forward and off to one side. You can really feel it. I'm in the living room and I'm tilted forward. The bathroom is especially lean-y. The front door has a gap between the door and the frame that ranges up to about 1". I can see the stairwell light through it. I'm not sure if anything can be done except install some weather stripping in the gap. Maybe I'll contact the management company although I'm not happy about having someone come into my apartment. Maybe I'll buy the weather stripping myself and install it. I've done it before, it's a simple adhesive strip. Looks ugly but hey, it's just a rental.

 

I'm being exceedingly lazy today although I MUST get my plants out of my car and need to unload the car and unpack umpteen boxes. I just feel like relaxing though...

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I went down to get some of the stuff out of my car. I had on mask and gloves. Then afterward I thought about how I now have to park on the street, and people are constantly walking and jogging past my car, and I took some boxes out after opening the door and I hugged the boxes to my chest to carry them and I put everything away and didn't even think about it until just now.

 

My god...a person could go insane just thinking about all the possible ways to get exposed from just innocently going about their day. I feel like it is impossible to NOT be exposed.

 

I don't even know what to do. I wish I could stop all the "what if" thinking.

 

BTW, yoga and meditation don't work for me.

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I went down to get some of the stuff out of my car. I had on mask and gloves. Then afterward I thought about how I now have to park on the street, and people are constantly walking and jogging past my car, and I took some boxes out after opening the door and I hugged the boxes to my chest to carry them and I put everything away and didn't even think about it until just now.

 

My god...a person could go insane just thinking about all the possible ways to get exposed from just innocently going about their day. I feel like it is impossible to NOT be exposed.

 

I don't even know what to do. I wish I could stop all the "what if" thinking.

 

BTW, yoga and meditation don't work for me.

I don't know if this will help you, but it helps me. And its something I've always done to keep things in check....

 

If I think of something bad that could happen. I follow out in my mind what I'd do to get myself out of the situation.

 

So with covid, for example.... if I start to feel sick, I will do all the home remedies I do anytime I'm sick. And since its bothering me now, I'll make sure I treat myself like I am already sick. Meaning I will get a lot of rest, drink a lot of fluids, get lots of vitamin c, eat healthy, get regular exercise, & wipe my door handles (also on the car)

 

It usually helps.... as it helps me feel prepared.

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