Feeling down about a setback

[blitzkrieged]

I don't think silence is emotional at all in my opinion, but it does send a message. Conveniently, one that is largely up for interpretation.

[Rose Mosse]

If you don't feel like you're being respected in the first place after the nebulous comment about them not being able to move forward with the rates, I'd imagine it's difficult to interpret any other communication in a positive way with this company. I think it's best to walk away. If they rub you the wrong way and you may not feel comfortable discussing further, there really isn't anything else to do. You can't force someone to hire you on your terms alone if the need just isn't there or for any number of reasons.

[Wiseman2]

Thank you for the virtual Kaomoji lesson.😊

Wiseman, it's a shrug.

[blitzkrieged]

If you don't feel like you're being respected in the first place after the nebulous comment about them not being able to move forward with the rates, I'd imagine it's difficult to interpret any other communication in a positive way with this company. I think it's best to walk away. If they rub you the wrong way and you may not feel comfortable discussing further, there really isn't anything else to do. You can't force someone to hire you on your terms alone if the need just isn't there or for any number of reasons.

 

Wow.. You really took that out of context. Its not just the 'nebulous comment' that was disrespectful. Why accept my rates in the first place and led this whole thing forward in a serious way!? There was no need for a nearly hour long video call!

 

They schedule this call where literally everything could have been communicated by email, only to "spontaneously" change their mind.... And I'm the one misinterpreting that because I'm so emotional?

 

I think maybe you have a problem interpreting social cues if thats the case? I just don't have that much free time on my hands.

 

Welp thank you for your feedback. I agree theres not much to discuss as they're not being forthright in the first place anyway.

[Rose Mosse]

Wow.. You really took that out of context. Its not just the 'nebulous comment' that was disrespectful. Why accept my rates in the first place and led this whole thing forward in a serious way!? There was no need for a nearly hour long video call!

 

They schedule this call where literally everything could have been communicated by email, only to "spontaneously" change their mind.... And I'm the one misinterpreting that because I'm so emotional?

 

I think maybe you have a problem interpreting social cues if thats the case? I just don't have that much free time on my hands.

 

Welp thank you for your feedback. I agree theres not much to discuss as they're not being forthright in the first place anyway.

 

I frankly don't see what's the big deal. Being very honest with you here. They can do whatever they want and having you video call is a very minor issue. Many jobs have more than one interview and one video call is the least of it with no guarantees for placement or getting the job or even the salary or rates you request. Look, you seem to have a bone to pick at every turn with this company from their rates to the way they hire. This isn't a good choice for you. If it's causing you this much headache, don't reply to them and don't apply with them again.

[Wiseman2]

Just like an in person interview, there is a lot they want to gather to rule you in or out. Legal or not, sometimes they want to see things they are not allowed to ask. Sometimes it's attitude, how you speak, come across, etc.

 

Apparently the video-call did not go well from their point of view. Their turn-around was far from "spontaneous". Practice your video skills and make sure your voice, appearance, word choices, etc are professional.

 

Practice videocalls with friends to get the technical kinks out as well as get feedback on what your background looks like, lighting, audio, etc. As you unfortunately found out, from their end the video-call was vital to rule you out or give you an offer you would refuse so they would not have to hire you.

There was no need for a nearly hour long video call! They schedule this call where literally everything could have been communicated by email, only to "spontaneously" change their mind.

[Rose Mosse]

^Agree with this too.

[blitzkrieged]

I frankly don't see what's the big deal. Being very honest with you here. They can do whatever they want and having you video call is a very minor issue. Many jobs have more than one interview and one video call is the least of it with no guarantees for placement or getting the job or even the salary or rates you request. Look, you seem to have a bone to pick at every turn with this company from their rates to the way they hire. This isn't a good choice for you. If it's causing you this much headache, don't reply to them and don't apply with them again.

 

I'm sorry thats been your experience for so many jobs but I cant say the same as this isn't really the norm in the past few years Ive been working. Again I never applied for anything, they saw what I offer, contacted me, requested my rates, and agreed. But again thank you for your feedback.

[Rose Mosse]

I've worked in HR unfortunately. Keep your chin up! There will be more opportunities.

[blitzkrieged]

Just like an in person interview, there is a lot they want to gather to rule you in or out. Legal or not, sometimes they want to see things they are not allowed to ask. Sometimes it's attitude, how you speak, come across, etc.

 

Apparently the video-call did not go well from their point of view. Their turn-around was far from "spontaneous". Practice your video skills and make sure your voice, appearance, word choices, etc are professional.

 

Practice videocalls with friends to get the technical kinks out as well as get feedback on what your background looks like, lighting, audio, etc. As you unfortunately found out, from their end the video-call was vital to rule you out or give you an offer you would refuse so they would not have to hire you.

 

You don't even know what field this is! But trust me when I say interviews are not normal or required at all! I work remotely for a period of time. They request work, I deliver it... They know what I do by the time they contact me. this is not an office job.

[blitzkrieged]

Just like an in person interview, there is a lot they want to gather to rule you in or out. Legal or not, sometimes they want to see things they are not allowed to ask. Sometimes it's attitude, how you speak, come across, etc.

 

Apparently the video-call did not go well from their point of view. Their turn-around was far from "spontaneous". Practice your video skills and make sure your voice, appearance, word choices, etc are professional.

 

Practice videocalls with friends to get the technical kinks out as well as get feedback on what your background looks like, lighting, audio, etc. As you unfortunately found out, from their end the video-call was vital to rule you out or give you an offer you would refuse so they would not have to hire you.

 

Also, I am an attractive young lady (at least my boyfriend and friends and mom definitely think so) who can do my makeup to the point where Ive been told I could be a professional, I take care of my hair and wore a black turtleneck that day :). My home is clean and well decorated. I have my life together in these basic respects you bring up but thank you for that. I felt an awkward vibe from them though I will say that. I think deep down somewhere they are ashamed to ask people to copy someone else.

 

And yes greed that its not "spontaneous" but since the reason they are giving me is that things simply changed with regards to the budget, they are not telling me the real reason which is also an issue for me.

[blitzkrieged]

I may not be the most popular or charismatic charmer in the world, but Ive been told I have a warm personality, my language and diction is fine, but my face is quite expressive so Im sure when the conversation ventured into the territory of actually stealing intellectual property, let alone from someone I’m very close to of all people… I’m sure my expression/tone betrayed me but what do they expect?

[Wiseman2]

So the video-call was vital for you too. You know you are not a good fit.

[blitzkrieged]

So the video-call was vital for you too. You know you are not a good fit.

 

Nah, email would have worked fine. Instead they led me down a path with false incentives before making a request they know most people with a shred of integrity would decline.

[Tinydance]

Sorry I haven't actually read all the comments, but I read most of them. Of course I don't know what career field you're talking about, so maybe can't give 100% informed advice. It sounds to me to be really honest like you're being difficult. It's normal to be disappointed but you're acting too dramatic in my opinion. To me your situation sounds like going for a job interview. If I was going for a job interview, yes, I would do my hair, make-up, put smart clothes on. In most cases I would travel to the job interview. Some I went to were even quite far away. I travelled for an hour or more in some cases. You have a job interview but there is no guarantee you'll get the job. It doesn't mean they wasted your time because you didn't get the job. They're not obliged to give it to you.

 

You keep talking about that they really wasted your time. 40 minutes is not that much time. You didn't even travel anywhere, you were at your own place. Yeah OK you put make-up on but that's what you do for a job interview. You wouldn't be sitting there in your pyjamas so yes there is a dress code for a job interview. You didn't really go out of your way much to have this conversation.

 

Sounds to me like you're jealous of your boyfriend and that might be the real problem? You admit that you compare yourself to him. That's not healthy. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people.

 

You're saying maybe you won't reply to their E-mail. Don't you think that's unprofessional? You have to act mature and professional in work situations and not let your personal feelings get in the way.

[Tinydance]

Also, I am an attractive young lady (at least my boyfriend and friends and mom definitely think so) who can do my makeup to the point where Ive been told I could be a professional, I take care of my hair and wore a black turtleneck that day :). My home is clean and well decorated. I have my life together in these basic respects you bring up but thank you for that. I felt an awkward vibe from them though I will say that. I think deep down somewhere they are ashamed to ask people to copy someone else.

 

And yes greed that its not "spontaneous" but since the reason they are giving me is that things simply changed with regards to the budget, they are not telling me the real reason which is also an issue for me.

 

So what if you did your make-up? Surely it didn't take you that long? Is it necessary to blow this out so much and make it all so dramatic?

[blitzkrieged]

Sorry I haven't actually read all the comments, but I read most of them. Of course I don't know what career field you're talking about, so maybe can't give 100% informed advice. It sounds to me to be really honest like you're being difficult. It's normal to be disappointed but you're acting too dramatic in my opinion. To me your situation sounds like going for a job interview. If I was going for a job interview, yes, I would do my hair, make-up, put smart clothes on. In most cases I would travel to the job interview. Some I went to were even quite far away. I travelled for an hour or more in some cases. You have a job interview but there is no guarantee you'll get the job. It doesn't mean they wasted your time because you didn't get the job. They're not obliged to give it to you.

 

You keep talking about that they really wasted your time. 40 minutes is not that much time. You didn't even travel anywhere, you were at your own place. Yeah OK you put make-up on but that's what you do for a job interview. You wouldn't be sitting there in your pyjamas so yes there is a dress code for a job interview. You didn't really go out of your way much to have this conversation.

 

Sounds to me like you're jealous of your boyfriend and that might be the real problem? You admit that you compare yourself to him. That's not healthy. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people.

 

You're saying maybe you won't reply to their E-mail. Don't you think that's unprofessional? You have to act mature and professional in work situations and not let your personal feelings get in the way.

 

Listen, not responding is NOT dramatic. Its not anything. It is LITERALLY nothing lol. Especially considering I dont want to work witth them at this point, or ever. And to say Im jealous of my boyfriend is the "real" problem? After everything else I wrote about this company, are you freaking kidding me lmao? Yeah everybody compares themselves to everybody, he is an inspiration to me and I wish to be where he is someday, thats called human nature and Im sure you do it too? But I have a healthy self esteem and thats all that matters. It doesnt mean I dont get work and praise of my own.

 

Its honestly shocking the number of people defending this company like I’m the one way out of line?

 

That Im getting “too emotional” expecting basic decency, and 'oh you must have put them off by something you said/did on the phone’”? Telling me whats normal in my field including a whole interview for a job that I NEVER EVEN APPLIED TO ! Even though my work speaks for itself & was clearly good enough for them to consider me in the first place. You don’t hire an engineer or a plumber for their personality! You don’t order from Amazon because Jeff Bezos was just so nice on TV! My field doesnt work that way, and is in fact expected to be filled with weird quirky socially awkward people but thats way besides the point of what we actually do!

 

Just by the very nature of what they’re asking me to do, its clear they’re not exactly committed to the moral high ground OR respectful of my line of work. Beyond my initial offense, to me this is a logical observation of what I’d be getting in to. But no one cares about this point, just how "difficult" I am. After I went along with this whole thing?!

 

And if I WAS applying for a job, you better believe they would judge me by the number of employers I bounced between, but for some reason I shouldn’t judge that this company can’t seem to keep anyone for long? Because MAYBE my experience will be the exception to the rule somehow once I’m locked into a contract?

 

 

Honestly, its one thing with the snarky, unhelpful, unrealistic, self righteous relationship advice on here but this whole career section should be deleted. I don’t know if its just being heavily medicated or Sometimes it seems like this whole country is brainwashed. Socialism is such a dirty word that people are AFRAID, even ASHAMED to advocate for the average working person for fear of being seen as a weak entitled complainers, or being DIFFICULT ooooh god forbid!

 

Teaching people to settle for the least and allow others to set a tone of disrespect in their careers, how is that helpful in the long term? No thank you! Last time I ever ask a question here, I will try reddit next time.

[blitzkrieged]

So what if you did your make-up? Surely it didn't take you that long? Is it necessary to blow this out so much and make it all so dramatic?

 

Once again its not just about the makeup. You literally cherry picked one of the smallest issues I have with this company, this whole situation, and have the nerve to say Im blowing out of proportion.

[dias]

Maybe I got it wrong but are you asking why they didn't take into consideration your time and effort? I will not tell you that you are wrong (or right) but this is how the game is played, if you think you can change the rules do it. I will be the first to support you!

[blitzkrieged]

Maybe I got it wrong but are you asking why they didn't take into consideration your time and effort? I will not tell you that you are wrong (or right) but this is how the game is played, if you think you can change the rules do it. I will be the first to support you!

 

....no... let me recap for you

 

1. Company contacts me with proposed project

 

2. Company coincidentally worked with my boyfriend years ago. He was shocked and stressed just hearing that they found me somehow, almost exhibiting PTSD like symptoms.

 

3. Company hired someone after my boyfriend stopped working with them, to COPY his work.

 

4. Company has HUGE financial resources. They ask me my rates, boyfriend and I discuss what they payed him and gives me opinion, I settled for the lower end.

 

6. I write back my rates just to see what they say, they in fact agree and want to set up a phone call "to talk more about the project"

 

7. I comply, take time out of my day, listen to them talk about their project for 40 minutes and all seems well. During the course of this conversation, they do in fact ask if I can "approximate" my boyfriends previous work, as in copy. I tell them I can make it complimentary but I cant simply rip him off. *they laugh awkwardly*

 

8. I recieve an email a few days later informing me that circumstances have changed and they cant move forward with the previously stated rates. Previously as in, before they bothered with an entire hour long phone call that could have fit neatly into a PDF in my inbox.

 

 

3.

[blitzkrieged]

To be clear: Im not asking if I'm correct that they wasted my time. To me its obvious that they intentionally led me on and lured me in before dropping their huge steaming Sht bomb, which is that they're looking for someone to steal intellectual property, and made sure to do it over video so they could smooth over any awkwardness if possible, and see if I'm really "down". But it seems like people are only looking for reasons why IM at fault here? They are shady, period, and you wont convince me I'm the one being difficult here. My boyfriend would say the same thing, and he actually has first hand experience and is a lovely person. I am familiar with how this goes. That was never the question, I did the video call and was friendly. And now with them informing me suddenly they cant pay my rates with no other context, lets just say every message doesn't need or deserve a response.

 

Its just that some people are extremely intelligent and can think of ideas on the spot for how to turn a bad situation into an advantageous one. I was hoping for some of that, or maybe something reassuring. Thanks anyway!

[Jibralta]

Its just that some people are extremely intelligent and can think of ideas on the spot for how to turn a bad situation into an advantageous one.

 

Maybe one day you'll be someone like that.

[dias]

....no... let me recap for you

 

1. Company contacts me with proposed project

 

2. Company coincidentally worked with my boyfriend years ago. He was shocked and stressed just hearing that they found me somehow, almost exhibiting PTSD like symptoms.

 

3. Company hired someone after my boyfriend stopped working with them, to COPY his work.

 

4. Company has HUGE financial resources. They ask me my rates, boyfriend and I discuss what they payed him and gives me opinion, I settled for the lower end.

 

6. I write back my rates just to see what they say, they in fact agree and want to set up a phone call "to talk more about the project"

 

7. I comply, take time out of my day, listen to them talk about their project for 40 minutes and all seems well. During the course of this conversation, they do in fact ask if I can "approximate" my boyfriends previous work, as in copy. I tell them I can make it complimentary but I cant simply rip him off. *they laugh awkwardly*

 

8. I recieve an email a few days later informing me that circumstances have changed and they cant move forward with the previously stated rates. Previously as in, before they bothered with an entire hour long phone call that could have fit neatly into a PDF in my inbox.

 

 

3.

 

I don't think you are in the wrong here. I also don't think they are in the (very) wrong too though. Probably they rethought your pay rate and figured out they could find someone cheaper. You will tell me yeah they knew the price before suggesting the interview so why did they waste your time? People change their minds, you can't blame them for this.

 

Regarding copying your boyfriend's work, in an ideal world that might be unethical. In this world, hmm, I doubt your will find your right. I am thinking though, if you just needed to copy your boyfriend's work you could have made some easy bucks there...?

 

PS to DancingFool. Outsourcing is not that cheap. Maybe 50% less, not 90%. At least in software engineering.

[blitzkrieged]

Maybe one day you'll be someone like that.

 

I like to be realistic about what I currently know and don't know, or can and cant do.

[boltnrun]

My husband applied for a job. Did a phone screen, they liked him. They asked him to come for a second interview, in their words to iron out details. We drove up there (an hour and a half) to just kind of check out the area, we liked it. He drove up for the second interview. During that interview he was told they'd decided to "downgrade" the position because they realized after talking to a few candidates they didn't want to pay the going rate for the original position.

 

It was super disappointing, but it happens. I supposed he wasted time (and gas) driving 3 hours round trip but again, it happens.

 

Are you still feeling "down" or are you more angry now?