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Is it ever a good idea to stay friends with an ex


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Recently broke up with my ex...again. We had only got back together in February, after a few months apart (we were in LDR before which caused the strain that lead to the breakup).

 

Anyway, he's switched over to being "friends" far too quickly. To the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to pretend things are "all good" because they aren't just yet.

 

I wondered what people's thoughts are on staying friends with an ex?

 

We don't really have friends in common, we can both walk away with the friends we came into the relationship with. But our parents have since become very close friends... which is now difficult. At least for me.

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Sorry to hear this. Yes distance yourself from this unfulfilling situation. If your parents are friends and you happen to see him, be cordial but it would be best not to stay friends or be on social media. Delete and block him so you can move forward. Confide in your parents, they will understand.

 

Is this the same guy:? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563428&p=7195928&viewfull=1#post7195928

Recently broke up with my ex...again. he's switched over to being "friends" far too quickly. our parents have since become very close friends... which is now difficult.
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I am friends with all my ex's meaning, I talk to them when needed but they are not in my immediate circle.

 

I also allow to fully heal before contacting or responding again. Be polite in case you see each other, but go NC for now and block them on social media. You can "friend" them again once you have truly moved on.

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Sorry to hear this. Yes distance yourself from this unfulfilling situation. If your parents are friends and you happen to see him, be cordial but it would be best not to stay friends or be on social media. Delete and block him so you can move forward. Confide in your parents, they will understand.

 

Is this the same guy:? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563428&p=7195928&viewfull=1#post7195928

 

Yes it's the same person. After posting the linked post, we spoke and I told him I wanted more than a "maybe, baby" situation. He had then said he'd like to give things go again, so we did. But if I'm honest the effort on his part was never really where it needed to be....then COVID hit and things went down hill from there.

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When you're able to be friends, you won't want to be.

 

Someone said that to me once and it really is true for me.

 

We hold on to exes under the guise of friendship. But its really to just keep that door open. Like somehow, they will magically change and be the one.

 

When you fall for someone else, you will not care that this guy's parents are friends with your parents. You actually will see what this guy really is to you, no one. someone you used to know. And thats not bad.

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Being "friends" with an ex, basically means you say hi if you see them out somewhere and might even have quick chitchat, but that's it.

You don't message one another, you don't hang out, you don't remain in one another's lives.

 

Your ex is behaving this way for one of two reasons: 1.) He's trying to prolong the end of the relationship, or 2.) He's trying to prove to you that the breakup doesn't bother him and he's over it.

 

Whatever the reason is, don't play his games. Stop contacting him or allowing him to contact you. Breaking up means, the end. No contact.

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Also, consider this. If you truly are over one another and you are ONLY friends. Then both of you will be fine...more than fine...happy for one another if one or both of you finds love with someone else. There won't be any hard feelings, in fact, you will be supportive and sincerely happy for your friend.

 

If either of you or both of you aren't in that place yet...then you're not friends and you need to stay away from each other.

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Also, consider this. If you truly are over one another and you are ONLY friends. Then both of you will be fine...more than fine...happy for one another if one or both of you finds love with someone else. There won't be any hard feelings, in fact, you will be supportive and sincerely happy for your friend.

 

If either of you or both of you aren't in that place yet...then you're not friends and you need to stay away from each other.

 

I completely agree with this. I did tell him I needed time before diving into a friendship. But he keeps texting to "check on me". I don't want to pretend to be friends... because we are not friends yet...we are exes. If a friendship occurs naturally in the future when there are no more feelings then fine. But it's not something I want to force. I just want and need time apart at the moment.

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It's not possible to suddenly go from from dating to friends. You're not robots, it takes times to go from having strong feelings to none and being neutral.

 

It sounds like he might be over things. Maybe he lost feelings a while back and he really is over everything. But you're not, and he needs to respect that and let you be.

 

The one who broke your heart is not the one who can mend it. Only time can do that. You need to be away from him in order to stop hurting.

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When you're able to be friends, you won't want to be.

 

Someone said that to me once and it really is true for me.

 

We hold on to exes under the guise of friendship. But its really to just keep that door open. Like somehow, they will magically change and be the one.

 

When you fall for someone else, you will not care that this guy's parents are friends with your parents. You actually will see what this guy really is to you, no one. someone you used to know. And thats not bad.

 

This has always been true for me, as well. When I was well and truly over an ex, I no longer really cared if we were friends or not. Perhaps he was already getting over your relationship before it ended. I know that it is a painful thought, but hearts rarely break equally. Take whatever space you need. if you think you'll want to be friends in the future, be direct but not too revealing about your reasons for pulling back and then set the boundary. A true friend would honor the boundary and understand the need for it.

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I stayed acquaintances with one ex and closer friends with another. In the first case we ended up back together almost 8 years later, now married 11 years. With the second one we probably shouldn't have stayed in such close touch more for his sake - but about two years after we broke up he met his future wife and told me he was dating her. As soon as that happened I diplomatically distanced myself and he accepted the "distance" which was great for the situation. Oddly his wife emailed me 6 months after they married - I'd never met her or communicated with her - because she wanted to meet me. (Yes we did -all 4 of us - my future husband came too). Anyway in the case of my husband it was because we impersonally stayed in touch over the years that we ended up reconnecting - had we not been in touch at all I doubt he would have contacted me all those years later.

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I'd give each other space. Don't track each other on social media either. You both need time to find yourselves again and re-learn things about yourself. I'd distance yourself from your parents also and let them be friends if they're friends. There's nothing unhealthy about taking a few weeks to yourself and getting out of a usual routine. Check in every week or so but take a time out and get out and do things on your own.

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I think it's a silly term to use around exes. When it's over it's over. Your not going to pop down the pub or go bowling with your (I used to sleep with you we had a relationship) 'friend'. I had an ex who pretended to be friends with all her exes. The only reason she did so was to use them for one favor or another. Incidentally one them did so on a friends with benefits basis. Scrap that idea and leave him in the past, no sense in this pretend end to a relationship.

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Ok why have him in around? It serves no purpose. It only keeps you from moving forward to a relationship that is satisfying. Have you read the book: "He Is Just Not That Into You"?. It describes guys like this ans others to avoid.

Yes it's the same person. I told him I wanted more than a "maybe, baby" situation. But if I'm honest the effort on his part was never really where it needed to be.
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