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I'm 35 and my mom asks about my visits with my bf


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I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to put this in, but here it goes.

 

I visited my boyfriend yesterday at his place. He and I watched a movie and then spent the rest of the day having sex. When I got home, my mom asked how my visit was and "So, what did you guys do?"

 

Obviously, I can't exactly say, "We had great sex. How about you and dad?" Thing is, I feel that I'm lying to her, which I don't want to do. (Before one visit last month she said, "Don't get pregnant." I said. "Mom!" My dad overheard and even told her not to say that. I'm an adult so I shouldn't feel guilty about having sex with my bf.)

 

 

I guess what I'm asking here is, what should I say when she asks what we did without feeling like I'm lying? (I live at home and I'm autistic, if that explains anything.)

 

All opinions/feedback/welcome. Thanks for reading. :)

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"We binge-watched some movies". She doesn't need to (or want to) know about your sex life.

I visited my boyfriend yesterday at his place. He and I watched a movie and then spent the rest of the day having sex. When I got home, my mom asked how my visit was and "So, what did you guys do?" (I live at home and I'm autistic, if that explains anything.)
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"We binge-watched some movies". She doesn't need to (or want to) know about your sex life.

Ok, good. BUT I have a strong feeling she will ask about my sex life eventually. Then what should I say? (I feel it because she has asked, "There's not a chance you're pregnant, is there?" a couple times in the past when I've felt nauseous. I"m on birth control so no, there never will be.)

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I know you were planning to have your tubes done so did you end up doing that?

I've had the copper Paraguard since 2012. I was hesitant about getting my tubes done because it's so invasive, but lately I've been re-considering it.

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Just know that people asking what you did while you were out is just normal conversation. But as far as your sex life goes you are not under obligation to talk about it. I’m going to be 54 and my mom still asks me what I did when I was out and I don’t live anywhere near her.

 

Once someone is a mother they are always a mother and they are interested in what their child did.

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Just know that people asking what you did while you were out is just normal conversation.

 

AGREE. This is "how was your day?" If you came back from visiting a female friend, went to Disney, or spent the day at the mall, it would be the same question. If you get defensive about it, she will think you are doing something that you think is wrong

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AGREE. This is "how was your day?" If you came back from visiting a female friend, went to Disney, or spent the day at the mall, it would be the same question. If you get defensive about it, she will think you are doing something that you think is wrong

 

Ok, I'll remember that.

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Surely she won't ask about your sex life? I think she's just trying to make conversation. You are not lying if you just don't tell her certain private details about your life. I don't live with my Mum but she texts me a lot. She does ask what have I been up to. I just say: "I watched TV, did chores, went for a walk". I wouldn't tell her every single thing like: "I had a coffee, then I masturbated..." lol You don't have to disclose every detail because some things are too personal. You have a right to your privacy and it's not lying.

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I don't know, maybe you go all i and give her an exaggerated scenario.

 

"Mom, I am so sore, i didn't know a body could stretch like that!" or, "Ma, how do you get these rope marks off my wrists?"

 

And so on.

 

Then when she acts all mortified, tell her to stop asking ridiculously prying questions.

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Please don't do the above. He was joking and it's not something you should EVER consider doing.

 

Just keep it to a minimum. Tell her you watched movies and you don't have to mention the sex bit. It's like when you go to the bathroom, you don't announce to everyone what went on etc, right? Sex is similar. You keep that kind of stuff to yourself and it's okay to do that because it's private business only you and your boyfriend need to talk about.

 

If your mom pushes and asks specific questions about sex, tell her it's not something you wish to talk about. But to be honest, it's not nice or fair for your mom to ask that at all.

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Please don't do the above. He was joking and it's not something you should EVER consider doing.

 

Just keep it to a minimum. Tell her you watched movies and you don't have to mention the sex bit. It's like when you go to the bathroom, you don't announce to everyone what went on etc, right? Sex is similar. You keep that kind of stuff to yourself and it's okay to do that because it's private business only you and your boyfriend need to talk about.

 

If your mom pushes and asks specific questions about sex, tell her it's not something you wish to talk about. But to be honest, it's not nice or fair for your mom to ask that at all.

 

I agree. And no don't joke about pregnancy. You might like this story. Many years ago my mom and I went to see our family doctor- appointments the same day. I was single at the time and told the doctor that my sister was expecting a child and it was really exciting. When my mom went in for her appointment he strapped on the blood pressure monitor and said conversationally "congratulations on your daughter's pregnancy!" - my mom nearly jumped out of her skin and asked that her pressure be rechecked once he explained it was her "other daughter".

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Please don't do the above. He was joking and it's not something you should EVER consider doing.

 

Just keep it to a minimum. Tell her you watched movies and you don't have to mention the sex bit. It's like when you go to the bathroom, you don't announce to everyone what went on etc, right? Sex is similar. You keep that kind of stuff to yourself and it's okay to do that because it's private business only you and your boyfriend need to talk about.

 

If your mom pushes and asks specific questions about sex, tell her it's not something you wish to talk about. But to be honest, it's not nice or fair for your mom to ask that at all.

 

Haha, I was about to say the same thing. It's like if someone asks what you did this afternoon, you don't tell them you took a massive poo even if that's the truth. Leave sex, bathroom stuff, other overly personal things out of it. It's ok to say we watched some movies and talked about our day and then we looked at cat photos on the internet or whatever.

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It might be hard on your mum if you're spending a lot of time over there. She's having to acknowledge that you need some space and privacy in your relationship also (a good opportunity to practice some boundaries). I'd smile and answer her questions as honestly as possible but leave any of the sexual details out. She may worry about you practicing safe sex and if she asks you about that, you can just say it's all covered, Mum. Don't be defensive or irritated with her as it might just worry her more. Keep the conversation light and confident and don't forget to ask her how her day or evening was too.

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