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Really like him - what should I do?


love999

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Been talking on and off to this guy since late February. He saved my number for 6 YEARS (and only my number, I know, weird) when I gave it to him drunk at the bar he works at - he was in a relationship at the time and for some reason he kept it.

 

Reaches out to me in February saying I gave my number to him 6 years ago and that he wanted to know if I was single. He sent me a picture of himself and I didn't recognize him (even though I thought he was cute) and did not respond. Well, 2 weeks later I end up in the bar he works at - not even knowing he works there (crazy coincidence). We talked, ended up hooking up two weeks later, he thought he was only looking for fun but after talking with me all night, realized we are very similar and I'm not just a rebound (he got out of a BAD marriage last year). He ended up getting cold feet a week later - said he just wanted to be friends, so I respected that and was just his friend for a few weeks - then reached out in April, thanked me for giving him time and for being patient and said he does really like me, wants to see where this goes but wants to take things slow and do things right because he said he realized I am more than just a hookup and he thinks we have potential.

 

We have seen each other a few times and it has been great, the chemistry is great. But I get frustrated because I feel like I understand he wants to take it slow and I have been respecting it but with the way he is going about it - it really doesn't give me an opportunity to get closer to him. Meaning the frequency in which we see each other is few and far between. He said he isn't talking to anyone else and does really like me, but I guess I just feel like we are standing in one place as opposed to progressing. I don't need to move fast but standing in one place and not moving isn't fun either. He has a new job he has been prepping for so he has been a little busy but is it wrong for me to want to be a priority? Meaning, does taking it slow mean I shouldn't have to be somewhat of a priority if he really likes me as much as he says?

 

I really don't want to scare him off, but like I said, I just want to be able to progress a little as opposed to standing in the same place. I just don't know if I should voice my concerns or wait a bit longer? I could really see potential with us so I just want to figure out how to respect his needs but have mine met as well if that makes sense.

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Unfortunately he just wants hookups. But he is not going to tell you that, he is telling you what you want to hear. If you are ok with great chemistry and nothing more, have fun. but if you want a relationship, you may get hurt. . Is he still legally married or living with his wife or another gf?

We have seen each other a few times and it has been great, the chemistry is great. But I get frustrated because I feel like I understand he wants to take it slow and I have been respecting it but with the way he is going about it - it really doesn't give me an opportunity to get closer to him. Meaning the frequency in which we see each other is few and far between.
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It sounds to me that he doesn't do things right and that he IS treating you as a hook up i.e. his actions don't match his words. If you were to mute what comes out of his mouth, it would appear that you are in a FWB situation at best. Unfortunately, not all people are straight about it. If he did really like you the frequency you see each other wouldn't be far and between. Imo, people who really like each other want to spend time with each other. It's that simple.

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Yeash.....his actions and his words aren't even on the same planet.

 

He was married and collecting other women's phone numbers....yeah.....I hear cheating makes for pretty bad marriages..... What he did to his wife, he will do to you too.

 

The whole he only had your number.... I mean if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. OP, this creep was sending that same message and same pics to every single number he has ever collected in his proverbial black book. It's called a fishing expedition to see who is lonely enough or naive enough to bite into the bs and respond. Sadly, you bit right into that bs.....

 

He tells you that you are special, not a rebound buuuuut he treats you exactly like a rebound and while he disappears, you have no idea who else he is screwing who responded to his bs.

 

Snap out of this and run like your hair is on fire. Like what would even posses you to buy this garbage and then try to act like anything about this is real? You aren't his gf and he doesn't give a flying rat's rear end about you....but for the occasional fck fest that is. You are about as valuable as a blow up doll. Stuffed into the closet until he gets an itch to use you again.

 

If you want a proper relationship, raise your standards and don't buy bs from such utter low lives.

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Never. I said NEVER be patient with someone else's situation. Tell them to work out their crap and when they do, they can call you. Its not your job to fix people and the hope that they will discover how great you are, is futile.

 

I heard somewhere and it made sense to me.... woman can grow to love someone. But men? Men love from the go or they never will.

 

Look for a guy that calls you within a few days, preferably, the next day.

 

Six years? boy. bye.

 

No negotiations, giving time etc. scare him off? you should shooo this boy away!

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Thanks all for the feedback. You are right - if his actions aren't matching his words then that isn't a good sign.

 

I think I'm going to tell him that I need more out of this and waiting as he is expecting is below my standards. If he wants to step it up - great and if not then BYE. My standards definitely matter more and I'm worth more.

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I think I'm going to tell him that I need more out of this and waiting as he is expecting is below my standards. If he wants to step it up - great and if not then BYE. My standards definitely matter more and I'm worth more.

 

What is it, exactly, that you need "more" of? If you could sit him down and articulate what you want, what would you say?

 

I ask because I think this is the language often used when what we want is someone to be more "into" us than we feel they are, which sadly just isn't something we can extract or get someone to "step up" to.

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If he wanted more he would already be doing that. Your choices are continue hooking up on his terms or end it to free yourself for someone who is not this type of player. Stop bonding through sex.

I think I'm going to tell him that I need more out of this.

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If he wanted more he would already be doing that. Your choices are continue hooking up on his terms or end it to free yourself for someone who is not this type of player. Stop bonding through sex.

 

We actually havent hooked up since. Only little get togethers - picnic in the park etc. But valid point - you cant change someone else, only yourself. I agree.

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What is it, exactly, that you need "more" of? If you could sit him down and articulate what you want, what would you say?

 

I ask because I think this is the language often used when what we want is someone to be more "into" us than we feel they are, which sadly just isn't something we can extract or get someone to "step up" to.

 

Well - effort. Like I get he wants to take it slow but if you like someone and you are leaving to go out of town for work - wouldnt you make the time to see them before you leave? That type of thing. For me - when I like someone, I will make it happen. I think most people do if they are really serious. Which probably answers my own question ha. But I guess I don't know if it's worth discussing?

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Well - effort. Like I get he wants to take it slow but if you like someone and you are leaving to go out of town for work - wouldnt you make the time to see them before you leave? That type of thing. For me - when I like someone, I will make it happen. I think most people do if they are really serious. Which probably answers my own question ha. But I guess I don't know if it's worth discussing?

 

Early on in dating is not a time to sit down and talk about it or try to teach someone how you'd like them to be, it's a time to step back a bit and simply observe what comes naturally to this person. He is showing you who he is and if you don't like it now, assume that later on it will only get worse because early on people are still putting their best foot forward and trying. This is his trying....which isn't working for you.

 

Talking about it is what you do when you have a more long term established relationship and things are starting to go sideways. Early on, you observe and, yes, judge whether this person, their behavior, their personality, they way they treat you is actually a good natural match or not. If it's so early on in dating and you already find yourself needing to "fix" things, it's your clue to walk away because you aren't a good match.

 

That said, I still think this particular guy is all kinds of bad news in general. Don't be his play toy or rebound girl.

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