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Hello all,

 

I have 2 kids that don't live with me, they live with their Mum. It isn't local to me and I don't drive so we agreed that during lockdown it would be safer for them to stay with her.

 

This has been fine as I have had regular video calls with them and they are having great fun with their Mum.

 

Since the announcement on Sunday she has been urging me to have them come stay with me but doesn't want me to come and collect them via train. I don't drive.

 

I only live in a small apartment so have no garden and when the kids stay I give my son my bed and my daughter has her own little bed in my room.

I stay on the sofa.

Where they live now they have a garden plus their own rooms so always have something they can do.

At this present stage I think it is unreasonable for me to have them due to the logistics of travel and the lack of things we can do as well as any potential risk of exposure to coronavirus.

The town is pretty much shut down and all the play parks are locked up.

 

Does this sound unreasonable to anybody?

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Agreed. I think giving their mother a break during this very stressful time is a good idea. You could buy a number of board games online for some entertainment. Or if that's too old school for their interests, there are digital party games like JackBox you can look into. Honestly, just get creative. It's a chance to see your kids again.

 

Is she trying to make this an indefinite arrangement? I can see your point if we're talking the longer-term sanity of you and your children.

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What are the options is you can't get them or want to have them in your small apt? Does your wife want you to take them off her hands for a while? Are you able to simply visit there for a few hours then return home via train?

I have 2 kids that don't live with me, they live with their Mum.

This has been fine as I have had regular video calls with them and they are having great fun with their Mum.

she has been urging me to have them come stay with me but doesn't want me to come and collect them via train. I don't drive.

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I agree with Sarah.

 

Can their mother drive them to you, to avoid the train situation? If so, great: spend a few days together. Quarters will be a little tight, sure, but your kids get to hang with dad, you get to hang with your kids, their mom gets a break, and so on. Sounds like a quadruple win, at least from where I sit, with the only unreasonable part being that you have to sleep on the couch for a minute.

 

Small sacrifice for your kids and harmonious co-parenting, no?

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Thanks all.

I do really want to see them. She won't bring them to me.

The train ride is about an hr/HR and a half, which I am happy to take but the Mum does not want me to.

I'm more than happy for them to be here and we can just play games etc as people say. I normally have them one weekend a month and I go to collect them and return them.

I certainly don't mind sleeping on the sofa, my son loves having the bed to himself!

The main issues is getting them safely to me and getting them back. Normally their grandad helps but he is classed as in the vulnerable sector of community so at present he doesn't wish to do any driving and putting himself at any further risk by being around others.

I'm kind of stuck as would like them to be here I just need her to be willing to help a little too in order to make it happen

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Tell your ex to use whatever transport she deems safe to get the kids to you. Otherwise, plenty of things you can do with them indoors. No real excuse for not having them over and doing your share of parenting.

 

Agree. I definitely want them here and I have lots of toys and games etc here for them to use. I'm just stuck a little with the travel.

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So she doesn't want them on the train (understandable). What does she expect you to do then?

 

Exactly, that's my problem. She is making out I'm being a rubbish dad and keeps telling me "the kids will remember this"

 

Hardly helpful, her saying things like that, she knows my mental health hasn't been great recently!

 

She knows I can't drive, she knows my only option was train but as she knows they aren't viable is now using it as a weapon for me not wanting the kids here!

I even sent her extra money last month as a thank you for all the extra she has had to do during this time.

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No but her partner does. She is claiming it is not her responsibility to have them bought to me, it is down to me to get them.

 

I'd call her out on her bs. She knows you can't drive and not wanting to use public transport is reasonable in these times. That said, she can't have it both ways. Either she steps up or needs to pipe down. You aren't going to grow wings and fly over.

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I'd call her out on her bs. She knows you can't drive and not wanting to use public transport is reasonable in these times. That said, she can't have it both ways. Either she steps up or needs to pipe down. You aren't going to grow wings and fly over.

 

Exactly, that's what I said to her!

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Offer to visit them at her place. If she refuses, then you have your answer. Kids should never be used as pawns or passed back and forth when the dating parent wants the place to themselves. Do you think her new bf is suggesting she 'get rid of' them for a while?

She is making out I'm being a rubbish dad and keeps telling me "the kids will remember this"
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Offer to visit them at her place. If she refuses, then you have your answer. Kids should never be used as pawns or passed back and forth when the dating parent wants the place to themselves. Do you think her new bf is suggesting she 'get rid of' them for a while?

 

No, he's a decent guy and the kids love being around him. They have been together for abiut 4 years.

 

She won't allow me to visit them there as she throws up the "part time parent" line she says I should "step up" and look after them and have them in my care.

On a normal month I would agree but whilst all this is happening it's not quite as simple!

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I simply get the reply, "you are the dad, sort it out"

 

Then you say I’m coming on such and such a day to pick them up on the train have them ready and don’t tell me no I am the dad have them ready.

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