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How To Get Ready To Date?


RitaTrue

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I've been single for about 2 years now, and these days I'm opening up to the idea of dating.

 

Thing is...I'm a bit intimidated. I'm losing weight (~15 lbs down, 30 to go), but I feel plain. I feel like the guys I like are sometimes out my league. I'm not sure if this is just because of my weight gain though. I've been on two online dating sites but it's been stale.

 

How do you put yourself out there again?

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Kinda tough these days when you can't even go to the makeup counter and get a free make over....or even go to a salon for a new do. Just go slow, and take your time getting a new wardrobe, hair and makeup. Those are the most obvious things.

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Plain isn't a bad thing. Exterior is just part of it. Depending on the dating site (definitely not Tinder), you can really highlight your immaterial assets and personality. Arguably, that's the most important thing.

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Good luck! When I was on dating sites for many years weight was a top dealbreaker for men. Especially if the woman wasn't completely up front about being overweight. I heard many stories like that. I also know many overweight women in relationships where the man has no issue at all with the woman's weight and loves her to pieces. I'm sure my input is not exactly popular, just sharing what I experienced. I was never overweight. Knew many women who were and many men who met overweight women and discussed the issue with me. So given the pandemic I'd wait to date anyway and use this time to keep working on your weight loss -very impressive what you've accomplished so far!

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I'd start reading articles and books on boosting your self-esteem before beginning to date. Otherwise, you will be attracting bullies, manipulators, and abusers. Confidence is the best attractor. A great, positive personality boosts a person's attractiveness, just as an attractive person won't seem as good-looking if their personality sucks.

 

Everyone's tastes are different when it comes to looks. Just because you think you're plain, doesn't mean every person on the planet would think so. We're our own worst critics. Play up your best assets, learn positive self talk about what's right about instead of what's wrong with you, and you'll eventually get the mindset: I have a lot to offer the right person and eventually we will find each other. Take care.

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Attraction isn't all about how you look.

People who are confident and have interesting full lives are attractive.

I know that was one of my top criteria.

I'd meet some very good looking men who had no outside interests and were looking for someone to be their everything. It didn't matter how fit and model handsome they were. If they didn't have other things going for them I didn't find it attractive.

of course. . developing a full life the middle of a pandemic would be somewhat challenging at the moment

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^ Weight is definitely a big issue with dating. It's a sensitive issue too so people are more likely to dance around it or try to minimize it. It's better to be upfront. I used to be morbidly obese. I am just "overweight" now. I am not dating but when I was dating (and I was bigger at the time), I was always upfront with it. I put my body type as "A few extra pounds" and not "Curvy" because I wanted to make damn sure that the guys knew what they were getting. Also, pics that showed my body. I personally have never had a problem because I think the guys who didn't like my body just took one look and scrolled on by.

 

Have to weed people out.

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Definitely, re: weight being a big issue, particularly with OLD where nobody has any reason to balance your personality they've never experienced against a few extra pounds.

 

So being completely real, under the very general rule that people tend to gun for people of a similar or more fit body type, if you are looking for men who are "out of your league" in terms of them being more slim, I would focus on continuing working hard and making progress. And in this current climate, there's really no better time to do just that.

 

That's not at all saying you can't or shouldn't try to find more physically fit guys who dig a lady who carries some extra weight. I'm just speaking in terms of relative practicality. If you decide tomorrow you're perfectly happy where you are, then by all means, you do you. So long as you're not hurting anyone and you're enjoying it, there's no wrong way.

 

Big kudos on the 15 pounds lost!

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