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I have been with this man for about 3 years , at first when we met I let the social media thing go because he had said no to adding me on social media and I just assumed it’s because he hadn’t gotten to know me well yet . A year went by and we were still not friends on social media , I met his friends but haven’t met his family . I am still currently a college student graduating soon , and we have been together throughout college . Last year I found his Instagram profile that was public and a couple weeks went by and his Instagram was now put on private right after I found it , he doesn’t post on their but it was odd why all over sudden his profile was put to private . His Facebook is private and he says he doesn’t use it at all so there’s no point of us adding each other on social media . For me it’s always on the back of my mind that he might be hiding something , because why is this part of his life so private from me , I am an open book and have nothing to hide but for me it feels like he is hiding and not to do with privacy . I’m I shallow for wanting to end this relationship because of the social media thing ? Is social media a thing to worry about in a relationship ?

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A lot of people say it’s silly to worry about social media on here but I would find it really off putting to not be added. Like, you’re friends aren’t you? People add barely acquaintances online but not their partner? I’d feel like I was being excluded from a facet of their life (that is by no stretch of the imagination private) too.

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It’s really hard in a digital age when EVERYONE has Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram etc. Especially where these apps often offer options to keep certain things private. This is a MAJOR red flag. Get out while you still can, my ex of almost 5 years did the same thing to me when I came back to facebook, he refused to be my friend for a couple of months. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I know better now that he was more than likely being unfaithful. Someone that has nothing to hide doesn’t act like that especially when they are dating you. You deserve better, I promise you

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You haven't met his family in three years! You are defiantly a secret. How often do you hang out with his friends? How often do you stay over at his home? What do you do when you meet up for dates and where do you go?

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I have hanged out with his friends before , I have gone to his house as well . Most of his family does stay in a different country , his close family like brothers and sisters live in a different state . But I have met his close friend, when we meet up for dates we go to public places , he moved for a completely different town to the town I am so he can be closer to me . That’s why I was ignoring this social media thing but it’s now been three years

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I think of social media as being “a thing” kind of in the context of, say, cleanliness. Things are easier if you’re on the same page, harder when you’re not.

 

I could spin this a few ways, but what strikes me as most concerning is that you’re scared to bring it up with him. Why do you think that is?

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The very first time I brought it up this was when we initially started dating he got upset so I let it be and haven’t brought it up since then . But more and more it’s been bothering me and I push it to the side but I can’t ignore it anymore . Especially when I found his page on Instagram and it was instantly put to private .

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I'm sorry, but I agree that he is hiding something here.

 

You say he's from a different country. Is there perhaps cultural or religious difference between you two that his family might not approve of?

 

Have you ever met any friends who knew him in his home country as well?

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Was also wondering about perhaps cultural differences!?

But then again that doesn’t make sense re his Instagram?

 

Have you actually ever sent him a friend request on fb?

Since you have not brought it up with him in 3 years , how do you know he wouldn’t be open to accepting you as a friend now?

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We are actually both from the same country out of the US and we are both of the same religion so there isn’t anything different in our culture or religion

 

I have met his one friend who introduced us . Other than that I haven’t met anyone else .

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I have recently discussed with him about the social media thing and he got really upset and said he doesn’t have his close friends on Facebook or his family on Facebook either so he doesn’t see the point of me being on his social media because he doesn’t use it . He gets really upset whenever I bring up the social media thing and gets upset if I ask if there’s something he is hiding

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When you say google his background do you mean like just googling him? Because I have done that this was at the beginning of the relationship and there isn’t much out there about him everything is either on private or I have to be on his friend list to see anything else

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He is not who you think he is and your relationship is not what you hope it is. You are a secret and you need to confront this or end it. Why be a back alley "gf"?

When you say google his background do you mean like just googling him? Because I have done that this was at the beginning of the relationship and there isn’t much out there about him
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I have recently discussed with him about the social media thing and he got really upset and said he doesn’t have his close friends on Facebook or his family on Facebook either so he doesn’t see the point of me being on his social media because he doesn’t use it . He gets really upset whenever I bring up the social media thing and gets upset if I ask if there’s something he is hiding

 

This is noise, meant to distract you from the fact that he is not being transparent with you.

 

His argument doesn't hold any water anyway. If he never uses it, there really wouldn't be anything to lose by adding you. The fact that he gets this upset is your cue that something is off.

 

Do you know if his family even knows you exist? Is there any chance he has a girlfriend back home?

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If you haven't met his family after 3 years and he refuses to let you see what's in his social media, then he's not considering you a serious girlfriend and either is already seeing other people, or wants to be perceived as single so that he can see other people should he choose to do so.

 

Sorry, this guy is either hiding something from you or doesn't take your relationship as being as serious as you think it is.

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I have recently discussed with him about the social media thing and he got really upset and said he doesn’t have his close friends on Facebook or his family on Facebook either so he doesn’t see the point of me being on his social media because he doesn’t use it . He gets really upset whenever I bring up the social media thing and gets upset if I ask if there’s something he is hiding

 

So who is on his facebook page? People generally have friends and family on their pages, that's the whole point of it! Remember this - people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

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Ya I would say you are the thing he is hiding. You know what....if it doesn't feel right it isn't. If you were so special to him he wouldn't be like this. You have wasted 3 years. If you wants someone to be a part of your life, then you have to be a part of theirs if there is to be any future. Not sure why you would overlook this for 3 years...were you hoping for change? You are not shallow, your expectations are not being fulfilled. 3 years is a long time to wait....if your gut is telling you to dump him, you are probably right.

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I was expecting change , maybe after we have gotten to know each other he’d become more comfortable and we can then add each other on social media , it was something that had always been in the back of my mind but I overlooked it for a while . But it’s now been three years and everything’s the same and I recently talked about the whole social media thing and he got upset which made me realize nothings going to change

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We did normal couple things went on dates , supported me through college , at first the relationship was long distance and he moved to the town I’m in to be closer , He has met my friends , we talked about the future

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