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Is it a good idea to ask out an ex while being FWB?


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I am highly confused at this point on what to do with this relationship.:icon_sad: My ex Sam and I have known one another for about two and a half years and still going strong. I had dated someone before him, which didn't work out at all since he wanted to cheat on me for weeks at a time and never told me. But other than that, Sam and I were in a relationship for about 3 months, but he kinda threw a friend zone bomb at me and he was honest about it. "This is my first relationship and I enjoyed it, but I think it's best to just stick as buds. I loved my first kiss with you and enjoyed your company, but please understand that I'm not ready yet." Those were his exact words and I was confused, but I said it was okay and I understood, even though it hurt me to the core. About a year and a half later (maybe a month from today), he messaged me on Instagram to see how I've been doing and we got our friendship bond back from him being away for so long. About 2 weeks ago, he then asked me if we wanted to be friends with benifits, even though he had just gotten out of a break up 2 months ago. I thought it over for a few days and said okay, but I started to notice something of myself. I started having feelings for him again, even though we just been having fun times late at night. But I'm thinking it's too frequent, we call each other love names and talk casually unlike FWB, which it should be for sex only. What should I do at this point? I love the bond we have right now, but am I getting too attached to him? Is it a good idea to get back into a relationship with Sam? When do you think would be long enough to wait to see if we can pick up where we left off from our old relationship we had? Please message me some advice, I would appreciate it!~:p

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If you can handle no strings sex without getting hurt again then you are fine. However if you tend to get attached this may not be the best choice for you. He is not offering dating or a relationship at this point, he just wants rebound sex.

About 2 weeks ago, he then asked me if we wanted to be friends with benefits, even though he had just gotten out of a break up 2 months ago.
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It doesn't seem to me getting back into a relationship is on the table here. When you actually dating him it wasn't that great either.

 

I had dated someone before him, which didn't work out at all since he wanted to cheat on me for weeks at a time and never told me.

 

Did I read this correctly? This ex wanted to cheat on you and yet you want him as a bf again?

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Yes, you are getting too attached. And you are unfortunately misinterpreting his chattiness as meaning something more than just FWB. For him, you're a girl he likes well enough to be friendly with and have sex with, but not enough to have a relationship with.

 

It very much sounds like he sought you out only because he's single again (despite telling you he wasn't ready for a relationship, he got into one anyway) and he knew you would be a sure bet.

 

It would be a bad idea to stay in this arrangement, because you are more than likely going to get hut all over again.

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When do you think would be long enough to wait to see if we can pick up where we left off from our old relationship we had?

 

Do it as soon as possible. You obviously want more from him than the FWB situation. Don't waste any time doing things that you don't really care to do.

 

If you ask now, you will enable yourself to move on as soon as possible. If you wait, your feelings will just continue to build and the break will be even more painful.

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But I think it'll be too early to ask him. What could be a better option?

 

I think you're missing the point there.

 

It's not about timing your question so you increase your chances of success with him. It's about asking sooner rather than later so you can be free of this before you get any more attached, as he is unlikely to tell you that he wants a relationship - now or in the future.

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Just curious about the timing.

The current fwb previously friend zoned you because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Yet he is fresh out of a relationship.

 

How long was that relationship and just consider whether his original comment about 'not being ready' may in reality have been 'not ready to in a relationship with you' Because he's obviously capable of one.

 

No doubt he likes you. My guess is he's rebounding and who better to rebound with then someone he likes and he know feels the same. But you may have just caught him in that 'not ready' window again. And now you are a willing participant to his terms.

 

Of course he says nice things to you. FWB's not only like you, but they need to procure their investment.

 

I agree with Jibralta. Look out for yourself and protect your heart. Ask him if the terms have changed or if they are negotiable. You'll save yourself some heartache in the long run.

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