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He keeps telling me he’s single but asking too see me a lot? I’m confused


DwindlingQw

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In every conversation I have w/this guy he throws it into the conversation that he's a single man. Or everytime we meet up he reminds me of his relationship status. And he always ask me “when’s the next time you’re coming over?” Or “when will i see you again?”

He never straight up asks me out he always asks me when do i want to see HIM

 

I’m not sure if he wants me to be the aggressor or he just simply doesn’t like me

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In my opinion, when guys ask ‘when are you coming over?’ It means they are only after one thing, sounds to me as though he’s looking for a hook up and nothing serious so if you’re after a relationship I’d tread carefully

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We’ve met up three times but he texts me everyday. I came over once and he cooked and we cuddled and nothing happened .. I’m guessing he thought we were going to have sex

 

Well....stop it. Only see him if he asks you on a date, not when he give you the "opportunity" to service him with cooking and potential sex. A date is a time and place in public. Personally, if he says "im a single man" again i would say "i can see why.."

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Hard to say without hearing his vocal inflection and seeing some body language!

 

If you give the benefit of the doubt/optimistic interpretation you can guess that he’s very interested in you. No text delay games or failure to try to make future dates. He’s high-energy and reminding you that he is legit eligible; kinda like “act now, while supplies last!” Haha

 

Of course there are hundreds of other possibilities...but your main concern is trying to decipher if he likes you? I would say yes based on what you shared with us.

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He texts me Goodmorning every morning that’s about it he never really bring up sexual things around me. Our first meet up was at my house but i didn’t invite him in and we sat outside and talked for like 3 hours .. he never came in. We didn’t kiss or hug or anything .. idk

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I thought he did until i realized he never really asks me out himself. It’s always “I’m free this weekend or when are you coming back over?”

 

It’s like i have to do the planning I’m not used to a guy making me ask to come see him

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Why not say to him that you've noticed that he phrases things that way and it has you curious. And then listen to his answer. Do you know what his dating history is like? It depends on his age of course, whether or not it would be a red flag, but if say he's 35 and his longest relationship has been four months, then you easily could predict how long your dating life with him would last.

 

You could also mention, if he brings it up again, that he says he's single every time you meet, so you're also curious as to why he has to keep reminding you. Has he been making an effort into getting to know about you and your life? Is he interesting to you as far as conversation goes? Is he a confident person? What do you like about him? How many times have you been out? Has he ever spent money on you? Have you asked him out for dates and treated him?

 

He's either an odd duck or a player, but I guess you'll have to have a wait and see attitude. I wouldn't go to his home again or invite him over until you're ready to be intimate. If it were me and I was annoyed by that question of when he'll see me again, I'd probably say: Think of something fun to do, look at your schedule, and then I'll tell you if I'm free on the same day/night. If he does so, you should be the next one to plan something and pay.

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I did somewhat the last time i saw him.as i was leaving he said “when are you coming back over? Why you never stay for dinner?” So, I asked “why do you always seemingly put the ball in my court”

 

And i said “you’ll tell me when your available but i don’t think i should be asking to meet” and his response was

 

“So you want me to want you over here?”

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We’ve met up three times but he texts me everyday. I came over once and he cooked and we cuddled and nothing happened .. I’m guessing he thought we were going to have sex

 

If he's not asking you out, the writing is on the wall. As long as you agree to this arrangement, he'll run with it until you realize that he sees you as disposable, (no offense).

 

Why not place a higher price tag on yourself, and raise your standards?

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He texts me Goodmorning every morning that’s about it he never really bring up sexual things around me. Our first meet up was at my house but i didn’t invite him in and we sat outside and talked for like 3 hours .. he never came in. We didn’t kiss or hug or anything .. idk

 

Okay...i will reiterate. This guy is making close to zero effort. And you are accepting it. If you are both 15 years old - coming to sit on the porch is completely wholesome and acceptable to get to know someone. But for grown adults..... do not make an appearance when he hints or "when would you like to see me". Wait for an actual DATE after stay at home orders end.

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He seems to steer this toward Netflix and Chill, no matter how much you sidestep things. Stop going to his place and do not invite him to yours. Why can't you suggest an alternative? Surely there is someplace you can suggest other than your place or his.

 

Why argue with him about this and keep going in circles only to land back on his couch? Simply plan a walk in the park or whatever your area allows in public at this time. You seem way too passive and expect that he will plan exactly what you want or you simply acquiesce and go to his place. Nothing wrong with you suggesting something.

I asked “why do you always seemingly put the ball in my court” . i said “you’ll tell me when your available but i don’t think i should be asking to meet”.
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Here's my two cents: I get the impression that he is not very interested in you (sorry). If he was, he'd be more proactive in asking you out (and NOT to his house). Now, if he's a teen, then perhaps he's unsure of himself and is afraid of rejection. However, if he's an adult, he should have mastered some skills in asking you out and not always putting the ball in your court. Think about it: how interested could he be in being in this "relationship"? Very little, IMHO.

 

Personally, I'd stop going to his place (like Wiseman said) and definitely stop going to his place where you might do something you'll later regret. To be blunt and vulgar (sorry): He should either sh*t, or get off the pot. He has such a blase attitude. I suppose you can take the initiative and suggest meeting in a public place (although with COVID, it's not a good idea now anyway) and see if he reciprocates, or stop playing these ridiculous games with this person, and find yourself someone who is happy and eager to see you. He'll continue playing this stupid game as long as you allow it. Muster up some self-respect and leave him. I believe you'll spare yourself frustration, disappointment and possibly heartache.

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How long have you been talking to this guy? You said you have met up with three times. First time he came to your house. Did you know him prior? If not, be careful letting a guy you don't really know, know where you live. The second time you when to his place and the third time he cooked?

 

Your not setting up good boundaries for how to be treated. I think it was nice he cooked and hanging at his place but, as second date? That's fast. It's like instant relationship... This guy is creating false intimacy. When he says when can I see you, you should say are you asking me for a date?

 

However, as I'm typing this, I remember it's a pandemic and I'm not sure where else you can go. Why are you having close relations cuddling, hanging indoors with a new guy? That is not social distancing.

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