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A little help and advice with my ex please


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Hi,

 

I'd like a little advice with my ex please.

 

We broke up in February but carried on communicating until a few weeks ago. She tried to friendzone me and I pushed back and became all needy.

 

I was probably needy but not because I am but because she kept pushing me back from commitment and in the end I was pretty lo then she dumped me which made me even worse.

 

Anyway - since then as we're in lockdown she has refused to collect the reminder of her stuff until it suits her. I unfollowed her but get curious and she is now posting pics of her with her ex husband in an specific outfit she knows I like. I did reach out after a few weeks but got no response.

 

she keeps me on facebook but won't talk. If I delete her then I look petty but kinda want to keep the door open because the good we had as great.

 

Just some advice please - I'm not blocked or anything like that. I do actually think she still likes me even though she said she doesn't and I don't know what its all supposed to mean and What the best course of action should be

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You need to block and delete. As you can see, this is not working for you. It will not look petty, but show that you are not still hanging on and moving on with your life.

 

Send her one more message about the stuff. Tell her that she has a week, if she does not collect it, then you will feel free to throw it out. Stop allowing her to treat you like a doormat, as she has clearly moved on.

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Time to move on, if she wanted a relationship you'd still be together. Nothing worse than needy behaviour, it quickly can turn into a massive turn off. She's tried to be kind by not blocking you on Facebook but ultimately its clearly dead & buried for her. There's not really any mileage in thinking she still likes you in a romantic way. Be kind to yourself and leave this where it is.

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She said she doesn't like you anymore because she meant she doesn't like you anymore. Stop trying to tell yourself otherwise and start accepting reality. This is NOT about you. It doesn't make you a lesser person or a bad guy or whatever. Simply not her cup of tea and that's OK. No wrong or right in people's tastes and preferences. Not a put down on you either.

 

As for social media, if you are going to drive yourself crazy, keep stalking her on it and let what she posts affect you as you micro analyze each pic....then block her. It doesn't come across as anything....because she doesn't care. She isn't thinking about you. Sorry, but she isn't. For the dumper, you being on their social media or not is not even a spec on their radar. They ended the relationship because they wanted to.

 

An ex is a person who is no longer a part of your life. Make it so for yourself.

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Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? How long were you dating? How long after she was divorced did you start dating? Since you have her stuff, keep one line communication open. Have you asked her to collect her things?

she is now posting pics of her with her ex husband in an specific outfit she knows I like. I did reach out after a few weeks but got no response.
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Does unfriending not show I'm needy or does it just show I'm moving on and couldn't care less? Isn't it a bit petty? But I guess if she doesn't respond whats the point?

 

She does not care, you need to move on. This is how you do it.

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As far as I know UPS, Fed Ex and the postal service are still running so box up her stuff and send it to her.

 

By the way what you did and are doing now is about as unattractive as you can get. Block and delete her and stop worrying about if she will get mad or be hurt by it.

 

AND if there was any hope of getting her back she has to miss you and think you are doing great, not hanging on hoping she will change her mind. Right now she knows you are just a phone call away so she has the ultimate back up plan. How worried do you think she is that you are going to get away and meet someone new? Try zero.

 

Time to sack up and get on with your life. I know it is not easy but you have to start.

 

Lost

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Does unfriending not show I'm needy or does it just show I'm moving on and couldn't care less? Isn't it a bit petty? But I guess if she doesn't respond whats the point?

 

I promise you that she doesn't really care if you're on her Friend list or not, OP. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's important for you to realize that her priorities and attention are elsewhere. If she notices you deleted her, I doubt she will give it much thought.

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On again, off again relationships usually mean the relationship isn't the right one. She'd probably dump you again when the newness wore off or the old problem raised its ugly head. What has changed in 2 months?

 

I know as a woman I think long and hard before breaking up with someone because I know that decision likely spells forever severing ties.

 

For your own closure, you should give her back her possessions so you later don't get brought to small claims court. Depending on the amount and your finances and convenience, either text her and say something like: I'm putting the box of your things at your door at exactly 3:00 tomorrow. Either she will say, okay, or give a different time when she'll be home, or she will ignore you. Either way, you will have proof of this communication if she claims the items were stolen at her door. Or, if a small amount, you could mail it with a person having to sign for it as proof it was delivered.

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Hey all,

 

Thank you for the perspective. I now have an action plan.

 

Off Facebook. Not delete or delete her because I feel she will have won but just not going to post or go on it at all for a month.

 

If she wants her stuff she can ask for it - If I can't handle it being around then I still need her and I have to not need anyone

 

Not to mention her name in my head, write any thoughts down or anything like that

 

Focus on myself, my fitness and my health and don't care hat she might be thinking as its irrelevant

 

The only thing that matters is me. It ill be hard for a little while coming off Facebook and kinda going cold turkey on it all but I have to break the cycle and be able to see her things without it bothering me. Shes gone. Didn't treat me that well anyway and get on with my life

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Does unfriending not show I'm needy or does it just show I'm moving on and couldn't care less? Isn't it a bit petty? But I guess if she doesn't respond whats the point?

Off Facebook. Not delete or delete her because I feel she will have won but just not going to post or go on it at all for a month.

 

If she wants her stuff she can ask for it - If I can't handle it being around then I still need her and I have to not need anyone

 

Don't worry so much about 'winning' or how you look to other people.

 

Worry more about taking care of yourself.

 

If you can't trust yourself to not look at her profiles, then you have to block and delete.

 

If her stuff is a constant reminder, box it up and put it out of site.

 

Or, as lostandhurt suggested, send it to her and have done with it.

 

Don't be unrealistic and impose additional expectations on yourself just to prove a point.

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