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My boyfriend has BPD and he makes me feel I am not worth livign


Lili68
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Please help me!

 

I had successfull career which I build for 13 years and partnership businesses as well. I was running few companies worth millions. I met my current partner as he was a customer in one of the companies (always customers were a big no no for me but..). He was amazing , successful doctor.. single (nowadays decent people are usually taken). We fall in love and after a month together I had to make the choice of my life. He had to move to another city and I had the choice to follow him. Leaving behind my career , my businesses and my friends.

I loved him so much , I could picture him as my future husband and I can picture having kids from him. I have never ever felt like that in my life , this is why I decided to leave money , power and career behind and follow the love of my life.

Once we start living together , I got to know about his family. He is foreign so I am but from different countries. His mother out of the blue will start calling him and advising him that he is at marriage age, he has to chose his partner wisely (she didn’t have any idea about me, I was a secret), she said he must bring a virgin girl and she must be a doctor, plus she repeated that mothers know what is best for their sons. Imagine 2-3 hours conversation with his mum every day , what do you think will follow ? His mind and heart got poisoned by his own mum . He start hating me.. saying he hates me for my past (that I had previous boyfriends), I am 32 years old ?!?!? Does it matter people’s past , we live in the present and in the future. He started devaluating me every day , I start crying and crying,to be honest I don’t think I cried as much through out my whole lifetime. I felt helpless. My business partners got angry at me that I just left and they took everything from me. I knew one day may be I can take something back but it has to be done by court proceedings. So where were I.. I was alone , away from everything I knew and the love of my life emotionally devaluating me day by day.. if he doesn’t talk with his mother , he will be the same cute guy I fall in love with .. his mood start changing so drastically, from I love you to I hate you mood in minutes ... I couldn’t take it .. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.. I become a proper housewife .. cleaning , ironing .. cooking ... before I never ever done that for myself. I learned how to cook his favourite meals , I lived for him ... but his moods swings start changing more more rapidly to the point I start thinking that dying is the best way out ...

Six months into the relationship , through out a lot of horrible time, he decided that he hates me because I took his freedom away ?!? I couldn’t understand what exactly he meant because I didn’t stop him to go anywhere but with the time he explained that he had a few relationships with virgin girls and because he was their first they still wait for him.. so he wants to go and make sex with them occasionally, because he said he loved to feel in control over people .. that totally broke my heart , could you imagine, I deleted all my life for someone who not only treated me bad for no reason but now he wants to sleep with other women and this is okey if I want to be with him.. he said it is my choice , he knows it is unfair but that it is... I was devastated, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my parents ... so then I decided to take things in my hands. Secretly I called my business partners and asked them that I want to come back , the only problem is that I did had past relations with one of my business partner and I knew he will come after me.. they promised I can have everything back and even more because at the end of the day they are grateful because I made them millionaires...

My current partner is chasing me away from his flat every single day .. basically my baggage is packed and stays behind the front door.. when I cry cry and decide I have enough and want to go , he says sorry and stops me. Then I though that is not a normal behaviour and I start researching ... his symptoms describe like a proper text book the BPD even NBPD , because he thinks he is the best of all human beings ... his mum used to beat him really badly when he was little child and she used to abounded him in the middle of the night away from his home for couple of hours to teach him a lesson.. he was only 6 years old child .. so I think that she damaged him and screw his future . He is really dependent on her and follows her instructions perfectly. But I think because of her he has a temptation to treat women bad and be in control over them ..

Last offer I have from him , is for me to have a child from him , but no one should know about it.. I should move out and leave alone and he will come and visit . He will play with the child and support it... so I asked what if he falls in love with someone else , because he will be living alone therefore he will be going out and stuff. He said that I shouldn’t control his feelings !

I really don’t know what to do.. I have never loved and cared anyone in my life like that ?

If I go back home I have a chance to get my career back on track be successful again ...

Before I had to chose career or love ... I chose love and see where I am .. jobless , away from everything I knew and treated like a junk, which I waiting to be thrown away every day ...

Now choice is again career ... or love with no future .. ?!

I am so confused and so scared. I feel like if I leave him I will die or something bad will happen ... please help me !

 

 

 

Many thanks

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You need to leave this guy, he's too hopelessly hooked to his mother who is running his life for him. He treats you badly, you left your business for him, he's taken away your spirit. Time to pack your bags and leave. Today would be a good day to do that. He doesnt love you. He lies and he cheats too, what kind of person is he? A lousy one. You deserve better. This is not love.

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I am so sorry but you have to get out of this as soon as possible. Ideally right now. Instead of blaming his mom for "poisoning his heart and mind" and hoping one day he will wake up and realize she's wrong, accept that this is a grown man who has his own values and make his own decisions. His values are skewed and his actions are abusive and narcissistic. I know currently you can't help but see tremendous significance in everything he says or does, but once you are able to get out of all this you will realize your quality and value as a person do not depend on him. What he thinks of you does not matter as he is a toxic scumbag. There is absolutely no love in this relationship as he doesn't respect you. Actually, I doubt he will ever respect any women, virgins or not. He is a very sad human being but that's not your problem. Don't waste any more of your life on him.

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Go back home. You only dated a month when you did all this to yourself running after a complete stranger because he was a 'successful doctor'? Just leave. Everything in this post is about being a victim.

after a month together I had the choice to follow him... I become a proper housewife .. cleaning , ironing .. cooking ... My current partner is chasing me away from his flat every single day .. basically my baggage is packed and stays behind the front door..
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Sane people do not abandon their life and run off to live with a complete stranger they barely met a month ago and continue to cling on after that stranger proves to be messed up, abusive, a liar, a cheater, disordered, and keeps telling you to gfto of his life.

 

Stop trying to diagnose him and focus on the one person you can fix and control - yourself. You have serious deep issues and your own mental health needs a proper evaluation. Your behavior was impulsive, self destructive and far from normal. Please move away from this man and leave him alone. Never ever contact him again. Also, please call a good quality psychiatrist and get an evaluation and help for yourself. Literally nothing about your behavior is normal so much so that I sincerely hope that your post is just creative trolling. If you are feeling suicidal, please call the suicide hotline in your country or simply the emergency medical services. NO man is worth dying over. Nothing in your post has anything to do with love or romance.

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I am so confused and so scared. I feel like if I leave him I will die or something bad will happen ... please help me !

 

OP... I don't know why you gave up your whole life to follow this guy. There is something strange about your story... going from running million dollar businesses to being a housewife? How does one go from being so career oriented to throwing it all away for a relationship? Your behavior is coming across as totally unstable and impulsive.

 

At the end of the day, if what you said about yourself is true, then you need to draw on that ability to lead and apply it to your own life. Of course you aren't going to die if this doesn't work out... it's gonna hurt there is no doubt about that, but you deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone that wants to impregnate you and keep you hidden from his family!

 

Time to wake up and get the heck out of there.

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You barely knew this guy, and now you have seen the real him. He is an emotionally abusive jerk. Foolish to uproot your life for a stranger.

 

Get out and go home. Nest time, do not move in with anyone unless you have known them at least a year. Also, why have you accepted being a secret?

 

He does not love you and there is no future.

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You really rushed into all this after one month. I think maybe your "love" for this guy was mainly based in fantasy. He probably could have narcissistic personality disorder, he sounds very selfish, unstable and narcissistic. You are being emotionally abused and you need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible! You don't have a loving or happy relationship. All you do is cry and your partner treats you like dirt. Take those bags near the front door and actually walk through that door and don't ever come back!

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Leave out the armchair diagnosis, being told they hate you by a partner should be a deal breaker, before any of the other things even had a chance to happen (all of which are also deal breaker material).

 

I hope you pluck up the courage to grab that luggage and leave this poisonous human being. You might also find the book he’s scared she’s scared to be a useful read and the blog on the site baggage reclaim. It’s time for introspection to work out why you didn’t leave after the first cruel act?

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