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Coronavirus has made the break up so much worse!


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So BU was last week. I made another thread about it so I won't go into detail.

 

Couple of months into 10 month relationship I was made redundant from my job. I was embarrassed and hardly confided in anyone, just my partner and my parents. I live far from my parents so in the day to day after redundancy I turned to my partner for support way more than my parents. This started my downfall into becoming reliant on my partner. I stopped hanging out with my friends, stopped turning to my close friends for support.

 

I didn't realise back then but now looking back, I felt like I needed her and without her I'd be unhappy. I smothered her by wanting to fix things whenever we disagreed about something, even if she asked for a couple hours of space. I let her take the lead for nearly everything. I hardly stood up to myself.

 

I got down about my job situation but I did get another job that lasted for 5 months until Covid-19 happened. The field I studied in and work in can be unstable but greatly rewarded if successful.

 

She ended it with me last week, basically gave up hoping that I'd be the man again that she first met. My downfall put stress on us, and made her unhappy. She still loves me but she needs to be with someone that's got their sh*t together and can be strong in times of trouble and difficulty. As I said, I was that but not anymore.

 

I've returned to my parents as I've neglected friendships, and the friends I could hang out with near my place I can't because of the coronavirus and I need company.

 

I'm missing her.

I hate who I became in the relationship.

I want the old me back.

I only have my parents now, I feel so alone.

Part of me wants to move to a more stable career path.

 

Last couple of days, I've been stuck between wishful thinking and believing in what is right in terms of her.

 

All she wanted was the old me but it took her ending things with me to realise that.

 

I've started reaching out to extended family and I've felt better by doing it. Then I reply to my ex (couple messages a day back and forth) and then feel like I've taken 1 step forward, 1 and a half steps back.

 

For someone who offered friendship and messages me questions, why just read my reply and say nothing.

 

I know she no longer has to do anything for me, but in the space of a couple of days I'm getting a warped view of the kind loving girl that never did wrong and always supported me.

 

I've had plenty of relationships to know how to handle breakups, but the coronavirus has made things so much worse for my recovery!

 

I feel like she's already moved on but is that possible after only one week? I mean she told me she loved me but can't ever see me changing. I was her first love and she hardly dated before me. Or am I just overthinking it all?

 

I just wish I could know how she's coping so I know I'm not the only one suffering from the breakup.

 

Struggling right now and feeling very low.

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For someone who offered friendship and messages me questions, why just read my reply and say nothing.

 

What is it you wanted her to say in response to your last message?

 

As I recall, you sent a mature agreeing that the break-up was for the better and bid her adieu. I don't know that much more needed to be said after that. She still sounds like a kind person, but it doesn't mean that being friends right now is realistic or wise. Most dumpers don't want to maintain close ties after the break-up, because they know that continued communication will give their ex false hope.

 

It hurts a lot right now, but it's for the best that she hasn't replied. Doing so would keep you unnecessarily hooked on that contact when what you really need is to learn to live a new normal, without her as part of your daily landscape.

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I once had to break up with someone that I still loved due to deep disappointment in their behavior. I did have second thoughts as I mourned the relationship, but mostly I knew that I needed the breakup, that I should move on and not look back. I did give in a few times to the emotions after the breakup and talked to my ex, but I did not regret the decision or want to get back together knowing he has not changed.

 

People react to breakups in various ways, but most do suffer from it. Your ex could also be devastated and is probably not over you yet in just a week. It is somewhat comforting, knowing that you are not the only one in pain, but that doesn't really change anything in the grand scheme of things. As time passes one person usually recovers before the other does - it could be her, or it could be you. If you keep tracking her actions and reactions you might be badly hurt again when you find out she has moved on before you do. Focus on yourself. Map out your goals and take one day at a time.

 

She was not happy in a relationship with you as you are. She wished you could be someone that you were not ("the new you" is as much you, if not more, as "the old you" as this is who she had to live with before your breakup.) but it was neither possible nor fair for her to force you to change so she left. If you also see yourself in a few years more like "the old you", take this chance to explore what caused you to lose that vibe and how to better cope with adversity like unemployment in future. Work on yourself for you and your next relationship. Do not approach her in another few weeks and try to convince her you have changed. These changes do not happen overnight and most certainly do not magically happen for your desire to keep an incompatible partner. If - and this is a really far-stretched if - you do grow more into that person and you two become more compatible in future, maybe you will find your way back to each other and have a more fulfilling relationship. But that's a slim possibility and I wouldn't dwell on it.

 

I understand your need for company but please be careful about going back to live with your parents. They are likely older and have higher risk from Covid 19 complications. Do not expose them to more social contact than what's absolutely necessary just because you are lonely.

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There are plenty of youtubers showing great ideas in how to break the loneliness and boredom. Fun activities, social groups etc.....it's all there. Be creative, be positive and go forward.

 

The reason why your relationship had fail is codependency. You need to be more self reliant. If things are so so bad, seek out counseling from a professional. This will lift any burden off you and not be dumping on your loved ones.

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You don't need company, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet, stop obsessing about your ex and learn how to better control your emotions and thoughts. For example, next time you start thinking about your ex - stop and force yourself to think or do pretty much anything else. Clean something, fix something, build something, go online and learn something, read something. In short, start doing something productive that requires your focus. The more you do that, the easier it will get and the less and less you'll be stuck in this toxic groove. Also, be honest with yourself - even without this coronavirus stuff, you'd still be an emotional mess and that's OK. Just learn how to handle it better.

 

Your ex has been as clear as a person can be that she is not interested in you. Time for you to work on accepting that instead getting stuck in this self flagellating nonsense.

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You will be fine give it time nothing will make sense now but just go through this phase of life alone for your sake.

what will definitely help you relax is some workout , exercise, try the 4 min tabata workout on youtube. Do it each time when your mind takes you away to past.

Workout and take your frustrations out by getting a fit body, eat well, take care of yourself.

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