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Should I give him another chance?


littlegirl1

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I’ve been dating a guy for 5 months, the relationship was really good and healthy, he treated me with respect and I did the same for him. He was always there for me, being a loving boyfriend, listening to my problems and giving me advice. The relationship I had with his family and friends was pretty good too. One day he dumped me out of the blue. He just woke up and told me that he didn’t see a future with me, and that he felt something off with the relationship for some time. Now he is back and asking for another chance. Should I forgive him or should I say no and walk away. Help please

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It was not "healthy" and "happy" if he could just dump out out of the blue like that.

 

What you had, was an illusion. Something you choose to believe and only see what you wanted to see. But a man who truly loves you, doesn't behave this way or treat the woman they love, this way.

 

That is an obvious, and you're choosing to ignore that too.

 

He didn't want you anymore, for some reason. I say "some" because it could have been something else he's not admitting to. Something more along the lines of him possibly being interested in another girl and thinking he had a chance. Once he found out he didn't...he ran back to you.

 

Now that's a guess, obviously, but it's not unheard of. People pull that on one another everyday.

 

But should you get back together with a man who thought you weren't worth it and dumped you?

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Could you please give more details? How long were you broken up before he said he wanted to get back together? What has he actually said regarding his feelings? Did he realise he loves you? I mean, there must have been some reason he initially broke it off?

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Personally I’d hear him out. Not saying jump right in and pick up where you left off, but listen to what he has to say about why he left and what made him want a second chance.

 

If you were dating for five months, how long was it exclusive? Three, maybe four months? If you saw each other an average of twice a week the entire time that’s roughly 40 times that you hung out with him?

 

Is it possible he had some doubts and rather than mess with your heart and mind he felt like it was the right (if not difficult) thing to do to “set you free?” As mentioned above, nobody really knows WHAT was up at this point so I just know me - I’d be curious as heck to find out what was on his mind since I was enjoying our time together.

 

Of course if it seems like you’ve been jerked around, or he’s disingenuous or whatever then nobody could blame you for passing on him and continuing to date other men without any further discussion with him...it’s your choice but as long as you don’t blindly give yourself to him with no chance to gather facts and evaluate the option of dating again...I don’t think there is a bad choice here?

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Could you please give more details? How long were you broken up before he said he wanted to get back together? What has he actually said regarding his feelings? Did he realise he loves you? I mean, there must have been some reason he initially broke it off?

 

Beat me to the punch lol

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Sorry to hear this. On/off relationships tend to have unresolved problems. Is there an ex gf or on/off gf or someone new in the picture for him? What does he mean by no future?

One day he dumped me out of the blue. He just woke up and told me that he didn’t see a future with me, and that he felt something off with the relationship for some time. Now he is back and asking for another chance.
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I don't mean to make light of it but, as he told you "...he didn’t see a future with me, and that he felt something off with the relationship for some time." Really, this is how he felt after five months? And, how long is "some time"? Ultimately, it's up to you but, personally, I would forget about him. This is supposed to be the "honeymoon stage" and he's already saying this? Something is wrong somewhere. With you? With him? Why would he say something like this? I wouldn't pursue it. If he's already having issues with the relationship at this point, it's time to forget him. Sorry you are going through this. xx

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He said he didnt see a future and he felt it for awhile.

 

If that was the real reason, for breaking up with you, it could not have changed.

 

If this is true the reason and you didn't notice it coming, then that says one of two things

 

1. you were not connected. he was feeling off and you thoght it was happy & healthy.

 

2. he liked someone else and dumped you with the easiest line he could think of that you could not challenge.

 

How did he magically see a future with you now? he is lonely? dejected from someone else?

 

Can he verbalize a reason this has changed?

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Hey OP, can you help me out here? This morning I woke up and I wanted my bowl of cereal, but the milk went bad.. it was fine yesterday but all of a sudden it smelled bad. So I put it back in the fridge and hope its better tomorrow.

Do you think I did the right thing?

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A happy and healthy relationship involves openness and honesty. Which he wasn’t while he was feeling something “off” with the relationship for a while.

There was something he wasn’t telling you avd keeping to himself.

 

Has he now told you what that was?

And why he didn’t see a future with you?

And what has changed?

Is this another coronavirus thing? Feeling sorry for himself while not being able to go out and date others?

 

You don’t give someone a second chance just because they asked for one.

You give them a second chance because they deserve one.

He will only deserve one if he can be absolutely transparent and answer the questions I have raised? And any other questions you might want to ask him?

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You can forgive him but never forget that he impulsively dumped you which says a lot about his bad character. Say "no" and walk away. He'll hurt you again. Don't take that chance nor risk. He is the one who told you that he doesn't see a future with you. Consider him history.

 

Btw, forgive doesn't mean condone. Forgive means to move on and don't hold onto grudges. Forgive doesn't mean forget nor learn your harsh lessons.

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I've never once taken back a guy who either I dumped or he did the deed. If he was the one who broke up, he didn't care enough to communicate what problems he wanted us to work on to get to a good place and dumped me instead. No second chances there for me. I'd rather risk my heart on someone new.

 

In your case, it sounds like he's having a dry spell and wants a few booty calls before it gets stale for him again and he leaves you in the dust--same as before. My vote is a big No.

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Hey OP, can you help me out here? This morning I woke up and I wanted my bowl of cereal, but the milk went bad.. it was fine yesterday but all of a sudden it smelled bad. So I put it back in the fridge and hope its better tomorrow.

Do you think I did the right thing?

 

Great analogy, No1!

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Hey OP, can you help me out here? This morning I woke up and I wanted my bowl of cereal, but the milk went bad.. it was fine yesterday but all of a sudden it smelled bad. So I put it back in the fridge and hope its better tomorrow.

Do you think I did the right thing?

 

Fantastic analogy!

 

Someone who is truly into you doesn't just dump you out of the blue. However, some people can't stand being alone, some especially start feeling sorry for themselves in this quarantine situation, so they start back peddling with their various ex's to see if anyone will take them back. I wouldn't be flattered by that and I'd ignore him. That kind of pathetic behavior doesn't even deserve a response.

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I met someone online. We dated for about 3 months and at that point I got the 'I'm just not feelin it' phone call.

I was pretty caught off guard. He seemed very keen and the one more invested than I was.

 

About 5 months passed and he called asking to see me. I didn't have bad feelings towards him. Our parting was respectful and just out of curiosity I agree to meeting up with him one afternoon.

 

Much to my surprise he told me of all his regrets and how much he really did care about me. I am actually skeptically laughing at him at this point. I tell him "Let me get this right. You weren't feelin it and in my absence you've developed feelings for me? Please imagine my confusion because this just doesn't add up"

He spent the following two months proving to me this was legitimate. We started over from square one as friends. Besides, I had been actively dating in the meantime.

 

His reasoning was he wasn't in a very good place when we met. I knew he was recently out of a relationship and though he didn't want to reconcile, he wasn't ready for how things were transpiring between us. He had moved in with a friend and in the time we weren't speaking got his own place, had some time to reflect and never once stopped thinking about me.

 

We did end up being together for 2 years and broke up for other reasons. I am pretty skeptical, but his story rang true on all levels. But I wasn't easily swayed.

 

Anyway. . I don't know your guy and how legit he might be. But hear him out and see if has respectful and legitimate reason for leaving. He needs to earn your trust back and that doesn't happen over night.

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This is what I see in your words and his actions. Now this is only a guess but it is my guess.

 

You were dating and someone new came along he was interested in so he suddenly didn't see a future with you. Dates this other girl for a short time and she doesn't work out for whatever reason so he boomerangs right back to you.

 

I agree reinventmyself that you should at least hear him out. Sometimes people panic when things are going to well. Listen to what he says and then come back and tell us what he said and we can help you decipher it.

 

I would be very wary unless he spills his guts about his honest feelings.

 

Lost

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